I once thought of myself as a terrible
Oily, sharp-clawed beast who could do no
Right
A black- scaled dragon with a heart darker still
My father, the king, often told me I was
The queen shuddered in my presence
And so the scales grew and the fire built in my belly
But I rarely let it out
Or else the king’s men would banish me from the kingdom
And so I told myself that I was evil
And I wished that I could be a human too
So I took my claws to my scales and tried to scratch them off
I filed my fangs into a grin and tried to pass them as human
But it never worked, they always grow back
And I was covered in scars and thicker scales than before
I was so lonely in my cave
And every day the king hunted me
I scratched as the scales grew thicker
Covered in oily filth I could never wash away
But then the Lion came
And maybe change wasn’t all instantaneous
Sure the scratches were painful
As the lion went deeper into my heart
Than I ever could
As he ripped off my scales
And showed me that my heart is good
And washed away the mire I was trapped in
So that I can fly again
At times that old fire still burns
But not in rebellion or fear, no
To protect those who cannot protect themselves

I spend a lot of my time in a seemingly constant high
I’m always down for an adventure, to hang out with friends, to help out
I thrive in chaotic jumbles of people and music and nature
And so often I’m asked where it all comes from
Especially after learning about how things used to be for me
But that’s the thing
It’s because I know that things get better
That fire gets brighter
That the light shines in the darkness, but the darkness does not overcome it
That you can enjoy the little things
And from time to time I get a little lonely
And sometimes I my heart breaks for how things used to be
And then the sun rises again and the day is new
And so often that is all I need

I revel in the small things
In moments set apart by fire and gazing at stars.
In quiet friendships and sharing hearts.
In laughing for no reason and winding country roads
Windows down and music loud.
In wondering and learning and teaching and growing.
Because its all of the small things that make up a life well lived.

Yes I am now free to become
That beautiful, vibrant person
With wide branches and a sturdy foundation
I can express myself
With gorgeous petals and soak in the sun
But often in creating deeper roots
I hit a rock
And suddenly I am back in that tiny planter
Crowded out and unable to find anywhere
To spread my leaves or the smallest patch
Of sunlight
And I have to remember that I am now
In a place that has no walls
I'm outside
And my roots are strong enough
That over time
They can break through rock
That I don't always have to
Tiptoe my way around those
That hold me back
That I can just
Be

Mother I am sorry
I know that you are weak
That you aim to please and
You aim for peace and harmony
Within your household

Mother I am sorry
I know that you are frightened
By things you do not know
And so you cling to your
Ignorance and hatred

Mother I am sorry
Too often you take offense
For things that are not about you
Because you do not understand
Your children's hearts

But mother I am not sorry
For taking stand against
Him who calls you wife
When he hurts you, hurts us
Because you should not allow it

And mother I am not sorry
For admitting who I am
And who I have always been
Even though I am broken
And much too heavy to hold anymore

I, a brave  and naive soul ,
Was born into this wicked world
Wanting nothing more than  
To become someone loved
And someone necessary

It didn't matter to whom
Or by whom this may be
And I soon learned that
That someone might not be family
Even though it broke me repeatedly

I learned quickly
About how my father
Is the mighty hero of the story
And I, as one of his lowly children
The lecherous, lazy villain

And my mother
His naive yet lovely maiden
Always quick to defend
Him, not me, not us her brood
Yet has the gall to say she is on my side

And somehow I wonder
How there is a part of me that still hopes
Still dreams of great things
Still reaches out in hope of more
Still believes that I can be cherished

How this villain can become someone's queen