I want what I will never have and I have what I could never want.

I look in the mirror and see a man, or what the world says a man should be.
I see strong shoulders and I see eyes that are doing their best not to turn cold.

At times I see a stranger.
A ghost.
A figure that just wants freedom.
But what is freedom?
Is freedom giving up and letting the waves of others carry you away?
Is freedom constantly fighting to stay above water and getting funny looks in the street?
I ask the man in the mirror the same question and he just shakes his head and walks away.
A boy is left standing there.
He gently smiles.

Vivid visions of the past lurk me,
I’m walking on the avenues of once a quick man’s vision,
driving in car models a dead man thought
and voting with rights dead men and women fought—
for, we’re all living life through dead men’s visions—
books of laws and morals woven by dead men’s *****—
subconscious slaves to dead ways.
So ask me about “life” and I’ll reply,
*I’m still waiting to live like my master
for everyone that lives dies
but everyone that dies lives.

The unorthodox are the true prophets
for their ways are those of the future,
so in the now, most kings get their head cut off.

But as death is the greatest prophet,
for it never fails to come true,
their martyrdom proves their ways truer than the footsteps of their fathers,
so in the face of adversities;
never be afraid to be a lonely Jesus on the Cross.

mothers and fathers, without their child.
siblings, without their brothers and sisters.
the young and the innocent, killed in an act of anger and hatred
by a man who didn't even know their first name.
26 families with presents under a tree, never to be opened.
futures and potential, never to be fulfilled.
promises, regrets, last-words and mistakes.
these are the things that 26 families will be remembering this holiday season.
A time for joy and celebration, only a reminder
of the deepening hole in their hearts.

I do not recognize the image in the mirror
Staring back at me with red weeping eyes
Eyes that only wish to see someone else
Someone better

But the image won't change, and I panic
"If you don't calm down I will send you to the ER again"
My head is pounding, why can't I just act normal?
I'm not insane, I know it

Anything but the hospital again, please
There is nothing worse than those fluorescent lights
And the sympathetic smiles of strangers

I do not recognize the image in the mirror
Glaring back at me with disappointed eyes
Eyes that wish I was someone to be proud of
Someone that isn't me

You are the one who can play the piano keys of my heart.
You can pluck the strings of my dreams. An orchestra of romance and tranquility and a concerto of gentleness and fire.
Memories and ghosts haunt us all and keep us afraid.
They tighten us and whisper in our ears that we are failures and that we deserve to be in pain.


I can be the exception.


I can be the voice in your ear.
What they said does not matter.

Ghosts cannot survive in the sunlight, and I want to bathe you in it.
I want to make you feel as beautiful as you are.
As long as you are smiling, the earth will spin a little happier and the stars will burn a little brighter.
As long as you keep the fire in your heart, hope for a reality better than this remains.
Close your eyes.
Let go of your fear.
Listen to me when I tell you that you are why the sun is so eager to poke his head over the horizon.
I will whisper in your ear and I will hold you.
I will be the exception.
Be brave my love.

Stay you.

These daydreams, they remind me of a sunset,
with blurry beginnings and abrupt ends.
You see, reality can be so easily blind-sided by imagination,
a wonderful thing actually.
Reality is dark, and when it wants a turn,
nothing goes down harder than a shot of real-life.
Next thing you know, the sun is gone, replaced by night,
and you're left in a daze, desperately trying to
reach back into your mind and escape for just a few more seconds.
*because you're afraid of the dark.