today i tried to say goodbye
to the world
and the hate she posses

took one last glance
at the scars which rested
where the time should

kissed one last boy;
hoped he'd tell me he loved me
this time

gave one last ****
before i had no more
to give

today wasn't my last day
and now i am numb

I can feel her creeping back into my blood stream
The anger, she's unravelling again
The veins in my arm are pumping flames I thought I'd put out for good
But you, you've ignited them
Flicked your selfish lighter
I'm on fire
My chest constricting with your apathy
Suffocating me
And slowly
I shrink
Deplete
Revert back into that girl
Who could not control her affect
Running on a constant adrenaline high
Dear god I'm on fire and I'm praying for someone to put me out

                     *-lf-

You've been this way for a while;
you know you have
I know you have.
It's like you're living in winter
whenever you're with her
and him
and all of them;
cold souls surround you
they're trying to drown you
in your own insecurities
I can see you shivering
but there's fire in your eyes
and baby, don't you know?
Flames will always melt ice.

And even if you're stuck in January,
I want you to come with me.

I wanna show you summer
I wanna show you fall
I wanna show you spring
I wanna show you everything;
what it's like to sing at the top of your lungs
and let your hair down because you're young
to love without any reasons;
I wanna show you the seasons.

It's been this way for a while;
you've been struggling
I've been noticing.
It's like a blizzard
at home
that settles down
when you're alone
until it hits you
that you're alone
to suffocate
because of your mistakes;
that smile is beautiful,
but I know it's fake.

And if you're stuck in December,
I want you to remember

I wanna show you summer
I wanna show you spring
I wanna show you fall
I wanna show you it all;
what it's like to crave somebody's skin
and not have to worry about where you've been
to love without any reasons;
I wanna show you the seasons

And when the snowflakes start falling
and nobody's calling
I hope you know
you can pick up the phone
because you're never alone.

I can almost feel that cold blade
digging in to my skin.  
The cool tingle before the sharp sting.
The release of endorphins makes me slightly dizzy.  
The bright red blood trickles down my pale arm.
Such a beautiful color contrast.
Why stop at just one?
The thought of these wonderful sights and feelings cause a visible shiver to run down my spine.
I simply can't wait to be alone so I can make these things appear on my arms.
Fantasizing about this is no longer enough.  
It's finally time to give in to this addiction.

Where did you go?

My hands shake again.
The walls fade and try to imitate
the pale green of your eyes.

But they fail.

These walls envelop me.
Closing in. Crushing. Suffocating.
Blood spills over, but from where?

I am nobody.

My chest heaves as pain consumes me.
Pull me up from below;
Liquid life gushing out hurt...

And love for you.

The needle in your hand
pokes. prods. stings.
Stitch after stitch;
sewing me up,
making me sane.

And the healing process begins.