For Aimee's birthday the plan was to get her first tattoo. She was a blond hair lady with a wide bust, huge hips and big *****. Her ***** were one of her best assets she loved to see her body as her canvas her  piece of art; she got her  mind set on getting a rose and heart near her ***** and chest.

She went online booked an appointment in the nearest tattoo parlour to book her consultation to meet the tattoo artist who will be working on this project with her and this was where she met MR Pain.

MR Pain was an  average built man with some muscle tone on his legs and arms. He had tattoo's covering every flex of his body. He wasn't much of the talker in the first meeting more of a quiet and down to earth man. He asked

“ Okay what part of your body would you want the tattoo?”  

“She shyly said “my *****”

His eyes gleamed started to fixate on them as he chuckle

“ well that can be arranged”
I hope you have you brought a design or a piece of artwork with you so I can see a visual design of what you what to have done on your skin”

she took out the picture, he attentively looked at it for half hour and said

“heart and a rose…
this…
could take a few sessions…  
depends on how much detail you want in your design”

He randomly blurted out

“Mmm… I love your *****”.

“More to the point – serious question would you to be able to take on pain? think about it first.

I could show you want you be facing up to with an early demonstration just sign the contract it'll be my treat for your 18th birthday do you fancy hooking up for a drink at my place”

Aimee couldn't see much in the contract the print was tiny; she felt his warm gaze and grin darting around her as she tried to make out what it was saying. His eyes hypnotic and calculating

“Do we have a deal!”

Aimee smiled and nodded she signed her name and said
“can see no wrong in that” its only a drink”

Mr Pain with rasping voice replied

“Excellent!”

Aimee shyly said “should I bring anything with me?”

Mr Pain shrugged

“Nah, I got plenty of drink”
everything we need is here at my place,
don't worry bring yourself
will order a taxi my treat”.

As soon as Aimee got home she had  a bath in honey and milk bath oil. Her ***** were like two huge sunken peaches glazed out in the sun. She got out of her bath robe and placed a long black dress and heels with pink lipstick.  All ready for the evening, she entered the taxi the driver was glaring at her  through the mirror

“You look nice!
“where you going to?”
Aimee gave him the slit of paper with Mr Pain's home address:

the cab driver looked horrified
he silently started to mutter to himself

“that place”,
“another victim;
she’s the third woman this week  
I would be careful with MR Pain,
“I have heard many stories”

Aimee shrugged

“Are you sure?
Can't be the same man
I know ”

Taxi driver shook his head.

“For **** sake
another dippy girl,
what's the world coming to
this is why I hate my job”

He opened up the cab door. Aimee stepped out the taxi

“Thanks for the tip.
Have a good evening.
be careful hunny”  

III MR Pain's Headquarters

Mr pain was waiting outside in the garden.  Dressed head to toe black. His grin slightly twisted and eyes gleaming in the sunlight.  

“Good of you to make it.
Aimee looking beautiful,
make yourself  comfortable.
I will be back with you shortly
I'm with another client.

Aimee waited in the living room for mr pain she could hear random screams and sound of crashing whips from downstairs wailing sounds of another lady
crying out
“ yes master will do what you want”

Aimee was  shaken up by the noise but turned on by the intensity of it all. She laid on the sofa and circled around her ******* with her fingers while doing this she was unaware mr pain was watching her through the CCTV camera. His voice loud and commanding

“I take it your ready for the demonstration”

Aimee stopped what was she was doing
feeling startled by his voice and stammering

“Yes- I - am”  

“Excellent – it may surprise you,
put the blindfold on it is on the table
there will be someone that will
take you through to the main room”

Aimee was feeling anxious and shaken now there were so many things going through her mind

what was the demonstration about ?
Why was there whips and screams?
why was the taxi driver talking
about girls being victims  

“I feel tired mr pain
wish to go home”

“Nonsense you got here,
your not going anywhere
you'll love it”

The figure placed the blindfold over her eyes; led her through a dark tunnel. The room was a cold and damp there were two other girls  with blindfolds being chained and whipped to the wall. Their skin looked as if they had at least 2 lashings a day from the whip there were bite marks and bruises around their body pleasure apparently was substituted equally with the pain. Mr pain got his whip ready; Aimee could not believe what she was seeing around her.  

“Your a fraud, your no tattoo artist
your a *******
a dangerous man
I knew I should have listened
to the taxi driver”

Mr pain voice raspy but more commanding now

“Yes you should have your going no where until my little demonstration is complete
then you can go free ”

He took out the gag from his pocket and placed it on her mouth so she could not speak, grabbed out the  whip and gave her a lashing; followed by gnawing on her ******* and chest;

“You feel what pain is"

He laid her on the table restrained her arms and legs she can not move and fight his advances. He licked her *******; making his way to her ***** licking up and down then in circular movements while Aimee was moaning she started to ***; he then took out what looked to be a huge ***** from the cupboard; pushing it into her ***** her eyes rolled to the side she started to squirm, she didn't know whether to squeal or scream  as pleasure and pain were intensified and felt equal in measure. His **** grew in size with now a huge  hunger in his eyes he pushed his **** further into her making her legs weak and squeal he could feel her heat up and ****** all over the table: he then rolled her to the side and pushed his **** into her *** pushing it all the way in he could now hear her muffled squeals as he fill her up with his ***.

“Demonstration is over; your free to go: taxi will pick you up, its up to you if you return for more but if you say anything about this; I will find you and you'll be back here and will belong to me”  

Aimee quickly put her dress on her. Looking shaken and tired, bruises and marks on her sweat and *** on her too she went straight for the cab. The driver took pity on her and didn't charge her  for the ride.  It was all a distant black memory she didn't say a thing. it was all a blur, a dark secret she was worried about the other girls; did they escape in the end from the crutches of mr pain or did they chose to stay there with him: she was just happy to escape and be free.

Huge shame this morning
to hear the legend
Keith Flint the rave vocalist
of The Prodigy pass through
to the other side.  

Brought tears to my eyes.
been a fan since I was 13
brought all the cd's,
brought a smile
fuelled my desire to dance.  
  
His band The Prodigy's music
radiates pure energy in a fast cycle of
beats per minute,
taking you to another place,
a new high,
so addictive.  
It makes you want
to dance in the club,
makes you want a mosh
in one of their concerts;  
makes you want to get your body
moving in every way
even exercise in the gym
you can not resist the beats
making you move your feet,
the rhythm makes you want to
move fast, oh how much
you want that sensation to last.  
Keith Flint's vocal's  
blast out into fire,
the vocal growls
makes your hair stand on end,
the video trippy  
full of sounds and
bright bold colours,
exploring an whole
another world. 
whole new universe dimension  
Amazing vocalist, amazing band
such a shame to lose and too soon,
I never got a chance to
see you mate at one of your gigs
and meet you in person
RIP Keith Flint hope you
have you an amazing
flight to the dance floor
in the sky.

Addiction to alcohol,
took its ugly toll.
Everything was
grey and black,
while sipping
pint after pint
dead of night,                                  
nothing would go right.

Waking up to morning migraines,
bruises on my swollen legs,  
pains in my chest;
shaky hands and sweats,
with no money left
except for a few penny's
memories of the night before a knew the score! some were good...some were very bad... but usually not that many I can remember.

Being the servent to devil's brew,
can lead to the darkest of avenues,
when you can no longer pay,
for the lifestyle,
you drink in the street,
sell yourself cheap,  
relationships are abusive,
opportunities are missed.  
You argue and alienate yourself
with the ones you love,
being the loner;
you feel no one cares
no one listens to you
no one is home.



My personal hygiene was the first to thing go,
my hair was greasy.  
over weight
I was constantly sweating  
got tooth decay                                 
ashamed to bare a grin
in case people mocked
and laugh at me.   

And mentally I felt drained;
nothing was ever worth the fight,
I felt nothing inside
wanted to go bed and hide.
Unable to turn off the mental abuse,
I couldn't write or think logic
threats, voices and paranoia  
consumed my head,
jump to conclusions
before anything was said.

To conquer a dangerous cycle of
emotional toxic drinking
is to start thinking smart,
To forgive not forget, 
Bare no grudges,                                                  
self awareness
meditation,                                        
write your triggers.

Drinking for me
was a way of socializing
with friends,
dealing with anxiety,
to help me forget the bad,
in the end all drinking did to me
if anything made me sad,
live my life in regret,   
live my life in shame,  
live my life in fear.
I didn't need alcohol to fit in
with friends in the end,
I lost interest in all my passions in life. Music, Dancing, poetry  and Open Mic.  Nothing I tried excited me no more; I felt numb.
I no longer able to write
or recite anything,
words and thoughts became jumbled
and abstract in my mind.  
I lost the way, I lost my identity
I lost my self respect,
pint after pint;
every day suffering from amnesia,
more confusion not knowing
who I am?  where I am?
I became angry and irritable
at even the slightest thing,
emotionally hurting people
that got in the way
only mission for the day
was to survive and                            
chase the next fix.

Was it really worth it in the end,
chasing that unachievable high
when in reality you felt like you were really going around in circles
over an cliff.  

I believe the hugest high in life fulfilling the ultimate purpose,
An real dream,
being the mother to my
beautiful daughter Sophie,
having people in my life that loves
and respects me and of course being able to communicate and write again.

Can't beat a good vinyl and CD,
how music use to be.
The first thing you see is a bit of art
from your favourite band,
where you place your hand,
on the vinyl and CD disk
insert it into the player
boom first track zooms
into action, no interruptions,
no distractions in the beats,
as long you take care of the disc
the crisp, clear quality
in the music will keep.

The reality is hitting home,
music is changing
all the time.
Music is being recorded and purchased
through the miracle of the wide web.

This is not a new phenomenon
you can learn and listen to
something new every day.

On one hand you
can make some great
beats even recording
on your mobile phone.

You can buy any instrument
you want to purchase through websites
pay any time and any where
you like
It will be posted
to your home.
No hassel,
no queues;
the small price and shame
is when you hear wonderful music places
are never the same!

In the early noughties
music shop's was the place to be
hook up for a day
sample and play
vinyl and records,
listen to new beats
play and buy an new instrument,
word of mouth about
new bands,  
connect for hours with other music fans
about what you enjoy
and what you like to hear play
on the airwaves.

It's different nowadays
we can promote
at the comfort of home,
connect through laptop
and phone screen.

Create band page's,
blogs, post online
reviews. Share video's
to broadcast the sounds,
and ideas to upcoming stages.

Hell yeah music will always be here,
there is no fear,
when there is local gigs, music clubs
and open mics, playing the music
all year taking you to new thrills,
higher heights,
keep that magic alive,
support your local music scene.

Getting better as a mum;
learning to strengthen
my knee and arm
muscles each day,
with weights and my
exercise bike.

I can run with
my little lady when
she's older and we can
go out and play.

I'm learning to flex,
my creative sights.
Reading and talking to her
singing funny nursery rhymes .
Who cares if my singing voice
isn't even any good,
she will be my only judge.
I want her to smile and laugh
that's my mummy up there
flexing her hands to the mike.

I'm finally learning to get her clothes
and ***** on right,
making sure her feeds are on time.
Learning to cook will be
the next thing on my list
then I can conjure up a
mighty fine dish.

Always found learning
practical tasks difficult
to master; its a challenge
every day to live
with dyspraxia.
I will get there in
my own special way.

When i've built my strength up;
I can take her out
in her pram for the day.
Enjoying the sunshine,
grand adventures in
the great outdoors,
exploring nature and woods.

Or we can explore how
chocolate is made.
Explore the gravity rush
adrenaline thrill
of theme park rides,
the possibilities
are endless and fun,
being a full time mum.

Music in the club was booming.
High energy rush,
makes you work up a sweat,
a very good beat,
will make you stamp your feet.
Oh DJ can you
play classic rock.
Some old school ballads,
guitar licks,
coupled with a little bit
of naughtiness.

Maybe play us some punk,
something loud!
something proud!                                                                              
Music I can pogo to
in a circle of friends.
A real head rush
raw energy that
makes you want
to shout!

Oh yeah music
is a real rush.
Its all in the beat man,                                                                    
repeat it's all in the beat
lets us stamp our feet.

Sophie cries are on cue,
every three hours feed is due.
She loves my mood candle
turning from red, orange to blue
her smile lights up she
spots her reflection,
she sighs
a happy giggle,
she waves her hands
at the elephant
and the giraffe,
each day making her
her mummy laugh.
Being bold but not too loud,
making her voice stand out
she loves being tickled
on her feet and fighting
the toys in her play gym
already keeping in trim
my angel, my little fighter
listen to mummy and daddy
we will be guide you through
this thing we call LIFE one
page at a time.

A late evening shift at the hospital again! my heart sunk as I checked my emails on my laptop.  Last time I could remember working on documents of patients and just cleaning up the premises; but nothing ever exciting ever happens on the night shifts. Half hour later I received another email automatically thinking it was junk mail. I was about to delete but the title of the email EXAMINATION caught me off guard;
what could this mean?

I opened up the email feeling on edge, this must be the first test but I've only been working at the hospital for over a week.


I opened up the email it read new clients and employee's must report to the examination room you will find your uniform in the locker 2BA you must wear this and report to the doctor. I was curious opened up the locker to find a long white garment and black flat shoes. The dress emphasized the curvy shape of my thighs and body but was modest it covered up my ***** despite the uniform being a bit on the daring side I thought that this was just another meeting for a health and safety check; nothing more. I reported to the reception desk the lady took me into the examination room which was eerily white all windows were shut. I felt my heart race waiting for the doctor to call me in.  He was a man at his prime in his thirties, long brown blond hair chiselled hands and his eyes observing they were checking me out working his way from my feet to my eyes.

“Your examination  can now begin, please take off your white garment”

I thought it was a very strange request; my mind racing; there must be a mistake; I'm no client due for a check up.

“don't worry its just a physical examination everyone has to do this for a health and safety reasons please unzip your buttons and we can be begin”.

I unzip the buttons, the garment gently rolls down my waist showing my white skin of my hour glass body and rose bud coloured ******* to the doctor

“Excellent please lay back on the examination chair”

I lay flat. I feel cold damp air rise, my ***** swell and harden following the anticipation. I feel the baby oil squirted into my skin his chiselled hands pushing into the creases of my thighs and back. My ******* caressed by something cold then by an intensity of something warm and wet, the doctors tongue begins to swirl around my *******  navigating down my belly, on my thighs  and finally finding my hot spot soaking me in juices. He samples and tastes them with his tongue “mmm the very elexir of life” . I can feel my legs spasm as he just hits that spot; can feel his chiselled hands  pulling deep into my *****.

“very good you are reacting very well to this”

He strips down can see nothing but his legs and **** dangling down. Still laying lay flat on the examination table. He wields his **** into my ***** teasing then prodding it quicker and more deeper making it squirt we both *** in pure ecstasy.

The day dawns through the windows we lay flat on the examination bed. Please dress yourself and report to the reception. This is our ***** little secret you can not tell anyone what went on here tonight. I smiled and said

“yes doctor and left the room”

The receptionist greeted me with a coffee and smiled “how was the examination hope it wasn’t too much work”  I smiled embarrassing and said

“nah, it wasn't  as bad as I thought, doctor was really good” the receptionist laughed

“that's good to hear well the new doctor working here is very thorough with his work. I laughed and said

“you can definitely say that again with a big grin on my face” as I reported back to my normal morning routine of checking on the emails and meeting up with clients .

Red and pink
ember aura
now radiating from
both our physical bodies.
I can see
room turn dark
and into blackness
for a moment
entering into the
realm of unknown
then All I see is your warm
glow and grin,
feel your arms
stretch and
comfort around me.
The room heating
up, feeling sweats
but feeling the
intense energy flow
that shared around ,
bodies heating up
and touching like
magnets, making contact
with eyes and mouth
firing up around each other,
to a point where
energy has crossed over
to one another
making new LIFE

Getting prescribed pills. just because I can't keep still.
Constantly working on the fast lane.
Only way my brain can keep sane.
Dealing with physical pain,
been told I have knee dislocation at ten.
Been told I'll be in a wheel chair by the time I'm 40.
Having people stop and stare, oh yeah I've f**king been there.
Its never got in the way, improving myself each day.
Only one that can help is myself
to make most of what I've got and my health.

Brain bouncing off the walls,
moving at a fast pace,
generating questions it use to keeps flitting
between the past and what will happen in the future.
I enjoy the high where my brain stays in the present and moves into a meditative state even if it's just for half hour in a quiet state of consciousness.

No negative voices
constant brain chattering
and earth shaking hand jitters
just in the moment and rhythm of time
taking in what happens and
enjoying the simple things around me,
taking in the crisp calmness of the air I breathe,
warm hugs I feel and just what my eyes see.

Docs think they can cure and make me feel better,
come up with a solution to life's problems
assess me with another mental disorder,
put it to order with my letter and GP report along with my prescription, 100mg lamotrigine once a month medication
to numb the daily pain.
It feels like a gun shot to the brain!
Moods rising and falling caused by shock and trauma
what exactly happened mind was wiping out the physical and mental torture!

It doesn't quieten the voices if anything just eradicate my memory now I get blanks in my head
family and friends have to fill in the gaps and scenes
that are now missing. I become constantly hungry and incomplete numb feeding myself those pills to keep my emotions asleep, docile quiet and unfulfilled quivering with shakes and sweats
had to wait to collect my tabs at the medical centre
you know what one day I came into see my psychiatrist with a new perspective and conclusion meds can not cure me
their the brain's bicycle stabilisers to keep it trekking along
and not falling into the realm of unknown and into the great beyond but i know some natural remedies to alleviate me.

He nodded you've done research Miss Leiser. Your go far should go into teaching or be a therapy. Do you want to hear the 5 natural remedies to remember
1. acceptance of what has just happened can't be changed the horror of ****** trauma. I went through when I was 21 feeling helpless and weak, couldn't speak, was in shock!

Crying and feeling alone. I could either be the victim drowning myself in beer and punishing myself every year

letting him and the voices win blaming myself and living in guilt and fear that I could have acted and stopped it asked for help instead of suffering in silence

or be warrior that will overcome accept past is over, calm my anger and forgive the man that did this to me. Believe it or not he hasn't changed but I've been the better person by not reacting to the rage and negative voices -

*****, ****, *****.

At one point I wanted him to feel my pain and punch the ******* down and for him to do time for committing the crime. What would be the the point of seeking revenge it will only get the pigs on me and will the anger make me any better than him.
In the end I accepted an half hearted apology but whether he has learnt his lesson is unknown. I will let karma deal with him and he'll stay the **** away me will not let him or anyone get to me again!

No one will lead me astray  will not end up sick in the hospital or alone in the gutter. Don't let the haters bring you down, now changed my way of thinking - been keeping positive, ignore deception, ******* and lies.

2nd natural cure build my creativity write and help people with rhymes and build up moral and educate people on mental health and good decency. Making people laugh with sharp wit and tips.

Third remedy - exercising my body - walking in the sunshine eating good food and looking after my diet.  

and finally forth remedy  meditation and relaxation - cleansing my charkas, releasing the negative energy being made aware of the energy vampires that surround every day there the best cures you can master in order to get better faster.

Can't ever settle, either have far too much passion or not enough interest. How I'm suppose to know what you like best. Every relationshit got to me in the end and affected my smile.
I'm happier with being me just having support
of close friends and my family.
A full on commitment takes quite a bit of time to complete,
been on a few dates and quite a few people
I've had the chance to meet.

I'm turning 28 this year
it's never too early
or too late will take my time and wait
find the right one when the
right time comes my way
it will be my lucky day.

Please respect
that I'm a lady
I don't wish to see
and be sent your **** pic,
it'll be ignored
and deleted.
I'm not interested
in visuals, amaze
me with wit and humor
and use of language.

Show me your worth my time,
want to delve
deep in your mind,
tell me more about
your passions.
what makes you tick
what makes you smile.

Next time you flirt and
***** talk stop and think
don't send another pic
its an instant let down,
immediately lose interest,
don't be another pest  
or just an egotistical *****:
have some respect
just talk to me nice
be polite
you'll go that extra mile.

I use to enjoy our pub chats,
sipping shot of gin and tonics
and 3 pints of 1664's and another
shot of whiskey,
we were set laughing,
talking about punk,
squats and art deco
and singing badly
to the karaoke machine.

You always put a
smile on my face
even though you
knew death was
what was coming,
can see it in your eyes
holding in the tears
you knew you
couldn't win this fight.

LIFE was cruel to you;
you never deserved
the punishment
you every day endured,
you taught me much.

Don't ever live life how
they want you to be
find your happy place
slow yourself down KIMMY
really concentrate and take
everything in
you'll be great
forget relationshits
they hold you back.

Most people are mean
and unkind ,
kept telling him
not everyone is bad,
there is good in
everything that
crosses the path.

He grunted and laughed
you'll see one day, kid
your daft but i like you all the same,
you are sweet KIMMY and one of a kind!

He could see the pain in my eyes too;
I have many mental scars
they take years to heal
enduring them
made me strong
know I'm wrong
maybe sometimes.  

I still appreciate your words
you never sugar coat
told me your TRUTH
didn't believe in lies
always had your dog
by your side.

I will only give
out the two finger
salute of *******
if anyone deserved,
my mate would laugh
like your style KIMMY
you got *****...
love your comedic quips
and tips
you showed me that
Art can be made from
any recycled resources
make most of
what you have
a true artist is a
visionary can
make anything
and regenerate
its inner beauty.

before you passed on
had dreams with the number 3
dark scary ones at night,
gave me a huge fright
something bad is happening,
but weren't sure what it was
just a gut feeling my nan
would say, woke up
feeling like death
with shakes and sweats  

find out a few days later
my gut wasn't wrong
you were laying in hospital,
week later  you passed on
couldn't control the tears
was in shock,
wished i could have
given you a massive
hug and real goodbye,

you and your dog
entered the rainbow
bridge the same time.

Miss you both every day,  
your artwork makes me smile
and i owe you a huge thank you
for being there and being a good friend
glad we did get to meet in LIFE
your such amazing spirits hope
you get to find the inner peace
you were looking for and deserved.

Do not touch
what don't belong to you
my things are my  self worth
and pride

Drunk man took my hat
show some respect;
could see he was the ****
didn't laugh
told him... give the hat back
you just don't do that
unless of course
you were looking
for the slap.

I could hear Alex
voice in my head
grunt and curse
tempers sway, fists
getting ready to fly.
I take control
have a cool down
moment to think, 
I'll leave the fight,
it ain't worth it
not take the bait
lets just call it a night
leave the pub with
my dignity
and respect intact
face still in one piece
before this could get worst.

Being told your ill
from a child,
born with
internal conflict
and confusion

Head spinning
into constant
trances, dream
states.

Brain jumps,
going into a loop
mind adjusts
and increases volume

TEMPO, TEMPO
Loud irregular thoughts
echo and magnify
wish it would shut up
can hear voices
telling me things
I do not need to know.

At eight always a loner:
mute and on edge,
taunted in school
for being slow.

What people forget
is that I know a lot
of things, my mind
never forgets
******* and lies
people spread.

The body defends
fortress of steel,
brings on flight and fight
anger rages quick,
feel like a ticking clock.

Thumping out aloud,
brain is now intense
starts slow, quicker then
fast before you know it
lands the final blow,
before it drifts in and out
zoning and hearing peace.

It started with a couple of text exchanges and flirty messages online. Clover decided after a few weeks chatting she wanted to meet up with Tom. She wore a black dress and fishnet tights. They both decided to meet up in a local park for a chat and a smoke. They ended up talking about art, music and writing. Tom draws Clover closer to him wearing his lynx spray and waft of cigarettes. Coming nearer to her then looks at her with his gleaming eyes and said how are you sweetie? Hope you had a good day would you like me to massage you. He starts slow at first his hands stroking her tensed muscles.  She begins to kiss at the back of his neck then licking her slowly up and down pauses for a second before saying out quietly should we really be doing this here? Clover laughs and says no but doesn't it feel good trying something new. They both giggle and try and find a secluded spot. It's surrounded by wild flowers and butterflies roaming around. They end up kissing and licking all over their body. Clover slowly bites his neck and they start snogging each other feeding off each other. They are both feeling hungry at this point. Tom starts to venture slowly down her chest licking and kissing her *****.  She then kissed his back and licked his body up and down.  Tom then caressed her chest and kissed and ****** her *****, while she got down on one knee and ****** his ****. They then ride each other and take it steady both doing ******* from behind and then keep on going and proceed to finishing the final part of the main course.

Looks sweet to the taste,
but bitter mistress,
she torments
swept me of my feet
dancing with the demon,
that one last dance
poisons my insides,
you sure you want to take that sip?
I will leave you with no cash
you won't have the last laugh.  
I'll leave you with jitters and sweats,
wake up with no recollection
of what's been done and said
but a dizzy, nautious feeling
of everything closing in
There be no escape
waking up with a sore head
repeat, drink, sleep
exactly the same thing every day.  

I woke up once from her spell…
in a coma state half awake
half asleep sat alone in the dark
in a park with no idea of how
I've got there hearing
muffled voices  

feeling alone
cold, confused and scared,
figured I wouldn't be here
so I no longer had any fear.

Alcohol got her revenge...

she led me on the path
and left me again.

I'm a little wild,
love seeing you smile,
even if its for a short while.
I follow my own path,
where ever that takes  
feeling human energy
chemistry of life
warmth of the sun
real energy flow
not this constant
*******, negative
vibes  just love
at pure form
the very thing we sow.

Eloquently the butterfly
swirls into the immortal sky,
clouds form into emerging
eyes, observing the gentle
rhythm of the sea.

The oak tree standing
guard while the cherry
tree blossoms they sprout
out fruit, seeds and petals:
which decorates the forest
birthing new life
celebrating each day
the harmony
the spirit of life.

The magnetism
of the cosmos aligns:
your energy pulsates
and flows through
your very being.

Your far away
at the same
time your near.

I am reading
each fragment,
each speck
of particle
of the universe.

We are but one,
our union binds
us together.

Energy of the twins
from the Gemini
star flows between us  

one being
one universe.

An utopia
tunneling from  
reality to fiction:
impending watchful
eyes, hungry mouths
feeding their habits.
Treading into fear of
unknown crevices.

Some stare, others
scurry around to  
find their destination.

They find each other
in separate time zones
realms, currency and
cause conjoined together
waiting...  

Each location
fades out into thin air.

They crawl out like
ants from confusion:
spiraling into more
labyrinths of escalators,
stairs and stations.

All is moving in constant
motion finding that place
they need to be.

The world is a distorted mirror
that reflects your desires
but deceives
turning you into the madness
of keeping
yourself sane.

People calling out your name
as you fall into trees
you feel your legs
brittle and body snap
apart from the strain.  

You revolve through
constant cycle of doors:
You hear the hiss of snakes
the sharpening of blades:
leading to the destination
of nowhere pictured before
that very dark and light
abyss from where you came.

Every day looking into the mirror
as an chameleon does to change
his or her shape and appearance
to fit into their surroundings.

Becoming two polar opposites,
two halves of the same coin:
both working against
each other in the same mind.
Causing confusion, never knowing
whether to swing or dive,
whether to run or hide.

What can I say I love
wearing suits
nice leather boots
Love hanging out
with other guys
and wearing ties.
Playing sport
listening to heavy
music and going to
gigs moshing in
pits and having
a blast drinking
pints of beers
and thinking
about women.

But I don't look
like other guys
Reality sinks in
and I feel lost
and hurt inside.

I withdrawn
back in my shell
quickly learn
that I have been
born into the wrong
form.

Seeing it every day
magnified and glaring
back in the mirror
each morning  
is enough to make
me hate it.

These days I feel
gender-less and neutral;
hardly charming
never beautiful
or at the least
the way I intended
it to be
I'm just me.

I sometimes feel lost inside
by ignoring how I feel
deep down the
corners of my mind
which have turned.
I like to think of my
identity as a white
canvas that needs
the colors and
lines crafted
in the right way
otherwise it runs
and becomes a mess
wild and unruly
where something
is fluid can change
and form something
old into new.
Finding the
real self under
the masks
of hostility
need to be
discovered
not hidden
or feared
but rather
embraced
as a old
friend
and found.

Why do I feel I cant
connect with the world
anymore.
I use to appreciate
and share its wonders
colors, arts
cute animals
and innocence.
Fluffy clouds
spiraling to a
new enchanted
kingdom as far
as I can see.
Hearing the
delights of
cries of doves
forming and
flying in the sky.
This is a perfect
vision, not something
tainted and blurred
by the cold reality
is more scary and
hard to face anymore
and see wars, famine,
poverty and death on
the TV.
Is there any
goodness really
left: sometimes
I just give up
and dwell into
my own bubble
at least I feel safe
in there but then
I see a stranger someone
unknown help a fellow
person in need. Sharing
warmth of a coffee
and offering food
to someone with
very little except
a smile which just
one gesture, one deed
makes this existence
all the more worthwhile.

My mind is buzzing
flitting between
feeling full and
then empty.
Depression lowers
my ambitions.
Mania is a rush
quick firing at
me in all directions.
I am dazed
don't know
how to fully
function anymore
heard and see
things that aren't
always there.
Am I in dream
waking up or
in real life
collapsing
into
nothingness.
Confusion
and fear
hits with
a sinister
glare.
What is normal
anymore?

Your eyes peirce
into my flesh;
soaking me in
your kisses  
you suckle me
into each of
your almond
shaped *******.

You lead me
into your
private home
surrounded by
the scent of
honey and flowers
we grow more
close together
every hour slow,
our seeds in the fields
we are about to sow.

Night approaches the peak;  
your form changes:
you become nothing more
than a dark eclipse shadow
hissing and creeping
further up my flesh:
trapping the light of the moon
drowning me in the water
the lamb to the slaughter.

That devilish halo
on top of your head.
The smile of the sunshine
kid painted in Patti Smith
spirited cloak of stars.

Always the john
to your Lennon.
Red and black
I always wore you:
you were words,
dark and coarse
pictures that color
my universe with
emerald pastels.

Hair painted out with
brown everlasting swirls
in the smooth pinch of
leather finger nails.

trip out with me to
cherry jelly kaleidoscopes.  
That outspoken diva
with light in her eyes:
tongue stuck out
in cheeky verse.

You painted dreams
with beats and breaths
you sew on patches
with hope and love.

The world would be empty
with out you.

Lets hear it for the penniless street beggars:
Tories call them unemployed working ****.
Let's hear it for every
****** up woman filtered
in tight cotton lace knickers.

The same lies over and over.
We are... in this together.

The exposure of Gordon Browne coverage
just another political propaganda
twisted by a bunch of crooks
in corporate suits.

The Youth learning to defend
fighting for the futile future.  
Students are the enemy
Cameron hero of the hour.

The same lies over and over...
we are really ******* up in this together.

Why do I feel lost?
the spirits
pass through
my dark
skull shape
heart.

I don’t feel
I can’t write
my heart
feels cold
my fingers hold
the rusty
pen of steel.  

I don’t know
the question?
I take a pill
Life’s only cure:
that inner remedy
What’s wrong
What is right?
I lose the lesson.


Losing more of myself
drowning in the
murky water:

Just can’t win...
life’s a fight:
a game of chance
to the bitter end.

Every word  
down to that sweet
taste of your lips
which you insert around
the tips of my tongue

the crooked smile  
revenge is sweet:
you run that extra mile.  

 
You make your move
this is the way you behave:
everything is a show.


You let me leave
you slither behind
I spit
you wait
yearning  for that feed.

Serpent
tangles its coiled
tail choking my neck
hissing and spitting
blood from
glacier
fangs.

Cutting my skin
into shreads of
icy shards:

I can taste that
steaming sour breath
that heats up the air
breathing out death


the words that remain
of a traitor, a liar

You breath in
the dark shadows
blood seeps from
your fangs :
lust slithers
into dead
wounds.
The white
of your eyes
is the disguise
the moon
that sparkles
and soothes:
Staring in
the murky
water you
see the monster
you become.
The leeches
that ****
and slither
feasting
upon each
human
creature.

Swirl of currents
flow and separate
light from the palm
of your hands

Rainbows pulse in
the sky exploding
high into fire works of
colour

White aura's surround
your fluorescent
wings as you take flight.

The lessons you taught
was to embrace beauty
the battles you fought
to avoid ritualistic duties.

Your mind was so deeply vast:
your body left for dead.
You were living life too fast:
each day should be quietly tread.

The garden
is covered
in white veils:
the ocean lights
up in blue and pale
white splodges.

Roses and Daisy's
covet with each other
in red paint hanging
tight together
on window ledges.

The sounds
of chimes, cars
church bells  sing
their melody.  

The violet harlots
strip off their
cloaks and
embrace in
natures dance.

The white ivy
glows pale and
sleeps in her veil
inside the confines
of the garden's gazebo:
waiting her sweet time
to be awoken by each
parting kiss and
joyful chime.

Playing her
melody she
plucks each
string in a careful
manner:

She can see an shadow  
mimicking each move
made the reflection
that sits behind her
cutting the fine tuned
strings with her dagger

Her song keeps looping
in the background
but comes to the
grinding end.  

She could not hear
her song, the melody
the words that once
came together.

It became silent

Her heart loops
beats stops
the song of her life
falls incomplete
she falls into
a coma
death's
sleep

Red cherry blossom
twirls into the
sun soaked ocean.

The sunlight dims
turning from pink  
to grey trees begin
to bend they are grasped
by Autumn's wind:

Green shrubbery
rots into the ground:
It waits for the day
the month of Jolly May
but in the mean time
disguises itself in
murky soil: awaiting for
rebirth in Spring:

The ravens sing
a high pitch squeak:
they cannot keep up in time
with the melody:
They ponder and
flock in the night
to bite at the flesh
they can find.

Autumn brings the
chill in the air for the
winter only lurks
around the corner.

My heart fills with decay:
its torn and broken.

You left me speechless
on the 13th day.

The only thing that
reminds me of  you
is a token of love
clinging to my chest.

It saddens me you
can forget me fast:
know deep down
things aren't
meant
to
last.

I was getting over the worst:
my sun shining but
now its eclipsed
by the Earth.

I'm blind bound by chains
leaving me
in
eternal
shame.

Your ring reminds me
your never far apart.

You once entered my dreams
filled  it up with romance
and passion: the wine
we consumed:  rhythm of dance.

These visions fade:
you caste
my heart
with
your
sword.

You
wore me
into the ground:
turning
my
bitter
smile
upside down.

All I wanted was respect:
lest you forget.

I don't want
to feel this
way no more.

A huge dark
cloud floats
it sways
exploding with
ice and thunder
sprays
darkens up
my sunny days.

I can see eyes
they pop out
of skull bruised
and torn .

I can hear terrible
screams of sirens
calling out my name.

Their flesh crawling
closer to my face
sweat and fear
makes me shake.

I wish I knew
what went wrong
darkness in the
horizon sinks
the ship's course
colliding with my
battered heart,
its feeling darker
than before.

All I can muster
up is a grim smile.
Happiness and Love
fell apart.
Dignity and Pride
came too late.

I wish I can feel
the golden shine
of a hundred spring
days. The barks of
puppies, aroma
of rose and the warmest
smile of a stranger.

True happiness is
a gem to show:
the very seeds of
life I want to sow.

The words we read:
conjured up figures,
concepts, new ideas  
we want an closure:
a nice happy ending:
another question,
a cliche, a solution
hope to fight
off this condition.
  

That inner voice,
tells us what we
should do.
The critic,
the karma
the inner spirit
gliding through storms:
trudging across murky waters
but can we all
squeeze in that
same boat.

Words are pain
they are there to educate:
devour us with pleasure:
smoother dreams with color.
Nothing is ever black or
white its more grey all over.
  
Words are the
most potent
force that we can muster.
They are always free to change:
and are unpredictable
as the weather.
  
You can never buy words
they are immortal
unbreakable and
are challenging to decipher.
One minute they make you feel
a million times better.
The next they leave you on the sidewalk
with nothing but naked pride.
You can never really measure
the costs at the horror
of words that turn a sane man
insane.

Twisted butterfly wings  
silence your tongue
bruises and marks
conceal your flesh
with black and white
splodges.
shadows blow you
a kiss that twists
your ballerina feet
into a dance
Your eyes half shut,
half open hearing
whispers of verse
that turn into song.

The cliffs that point up:
are faded grey dissembled
finger hung by the thorns
Rats scurry gnaw at the flesh
the poisonous injection
of snakes seeping
danger lurking
in each crevice.  

Shadows leaping forward:
circling gown of fire:
swords made of ice
impaling the heart
the air whispers:
the shadowy feet
are never far apart
of horses that scurry
through the night.

You were an hot swirling vortex
raining down fire sprouting
out the sky the floating sunset
shining light across the murky
water. You lit up gardens
with red splodges of paint.
Summer rises up the streets:
warming up the air,
flowers are sprouting:
birds sing
flutes are playing
the seeds are about to sow

Can never pinpoint what's
making me down:
feel I want to deep down explode:
Some thing holds me back
she slaps me in the face,
snapping incoherent mutterings
to my face.
I feel this frightened baby,
when I see this cynical old lady.    

My mind moves quickly
to avoid her glazed stare.
She's always looking back
at the disappointment
than moving forward.  
She can never rest.

I wish I could really just smile
again.
Would it just be another  lie?


Just another way
to build up
unstable barriers.
I want the pain
to cease.  

Wearing another mask
to conceal what
I deep down feel.

Bottling up
the pain,
just to appear
happy and sane.

Forgetting the horrible flashbacks,
when you watched
first hand the bad things
that people have done to you:
looking in another direction
pretending it never happened.
when they were the ones that
made you feel that way.
The smashing up, fighting,    
sexist culture of pigs
who manipulate weaker minds
with constant flashbacks of  abuse,  
torture, black mail and mind games
sugarcoated with even more lies.

Sometimes wish my mind
would turn off and forget
and start a fresh
but it won’t do that.
its something in me which
keeps replaying over and over
very nasty scenes in the past
and making it worst
until your mind can’t take and
won't give no more good
to anyone else.
It turns you out and there is
just nothing left
and it ends with you
seeing more of death.

The dark clouds
fade  through
the crystal stream.

Air floating up
into flames.

A bird rises
above the ashes
glides through the
trees:

smoking up the heavens.

Every direction I can
see white lights, red eyes
and and set of teeth
grinding into my flesh,

An old woman
appears with a note and a
bunch of flowers
reading the words
"for dead must fall"