Best advice I can give to being happy
is know your goals in life,
exercise a little bit each day,
do a bit of meditation for reflection
helping to connect to your inner self.
I enjoy a bit of writing and singing.
Talking to friends and family can help half the problem,
never binge or do anything to excess
and confront things when they get on top of you
never bottle yourself up
also consult your medical professionals if things get really tough they can sometimes guide you in the right direction.
The thing that helped me through in the end
was having a purpose which I have found
that with my baby girl
she makes me smile
and reminds me that
life is worth fighting for
regardless on how bad i feel.
I honestly had no direction before
kept hitting a dead end
when I was younger I was enthusiastic and hopeful
studying hard hoping I would achieve something in LIFE
find the job and partner of my dreams
but life after university hit me hard
I was unemployed for 6 years
which made me feel depressed and became
mentally unwell
the thought of feeling the failure
never having nothing to show
at the end of it sent
me down a dark spirall
My wounds are now finally healing
keep reminding myself i'm no
failure and a fighter
and now I'm feeling a bit more at peace
with my self.

One winter night I was out in another city
with a friend in streets of Nottingham.
We both had a impulsive night
drinking *****
we didn't realize the time,
we missed the train home.
There was no place to stay or go
everywhere was closed.
I was shivering and terrified
looks like we sleeping rough tonight
I felt nervous and sick to close my eyes
incase I got robbed
My friend gave me a huge hug
and told me it'll be alright
I've done this before
don't worry we will survive

My friend found an cardboard box
out the bin
it was big enough to
fit us both in
at least we got some shelter
to keep us warm a little bit

A random stranger caught us out
in the cold he felt sorry for me
shaking in the corner feeling
the frosty chill
What are you doing out here young lady?
your catch a cold and be ill
He wanted to call my parents
but stubborn me didn't want him to
as I didn't want them to worry
so instead he gave me warm coat
coffee, and a bar of chocolate
to set me up for the night.

Though I could not sleep
while I was on the street
the random kindness got me through
as soon as morning was due
we caught the train to Leicester.

I never forget what kind gesture
the random stranger did for me that night
but showed appreciation and thanks
by passing the kindness on
now I try and do the same for anyone
struggling on the streets
everyone deserves to have
shelter, a warm beverage and
food to eat.

I was their piece of art,
I tasted sweet as lemon ****,
sampled in the cake shop,
customers stared and stop,
paying out change out of their pockets,
cash and card from their wallets
to pay for my pleasure.
I give them that thrill,
dressed to ****.
I was their secret treasure
for we all don't live forever.

In life people roots split                     different directions.                                                         
which determine their future.                                              
They are the  tree roots that branch                                      
and grow out into the sky.

Life blooms only twice  

Spring is birth
                                                                ­        then Summer is fertility and love.
                                                      
Autumn is the fall of man.      
                                          
Winter is death.  
                                                              

Death plays games                                                          chose players at random.                                                    

Play the game of life and win,  

live and survive

or lose the game                                    

and lose everything.  

Some players cheat death games                                                         strike of deal                                                             ­   and gamble                                                          for  
fame                                                       
feed greed  

 which shortens
chances
of living
full
clean
life.

Sophie cries are on cue,
every three hours feed is due.
She loves my mood candle
turning from red, orange to blue
her smile lights up she
spots her reflection,
she sighs
a happy giggle,
she waves her hands
at the elephant
and the giraffe,
each day making her
her mummy laugh.
Being bold but not too loud,
making her voice stand out
she loves being tickled
on her feet and fighting
the toys in her play gym
already keeping in trim
I'm getting better as a mum;
working on my fitness
so I can run with
my little lady when
she's older and we can
go out and play.
I'm learning to flex,
my creative sights.
Reading and talking to her
singing funny nursery rhymes .

Sophie Rose my angel, my little fighter
listen to mummy and daddy
we will be guide you through
this thing we call LIFE one
page at a time.

I want her to smile and laugh
that's my mummy up there
flexing her hands to the mike.
I'm finally learning to get her clothes
and ***** on right,
making sure her feeds are on time.


Always found learning
practical tasks difficult
to master; its a challenge
every day to live
with dyspraxia.
I will get there in
my own special way.

When i've built my strength up;
I can take her out
in her pram for the day.
Enjoying the sunshine,
grand adventures in
the great outdoors,
exploring nature and woods.

Or we can explore how
chocolate is made.
Explore the gravity rush
adrenaline thrill
of theme park rides,
the possibilities
are endless and fun,
being a full time mum.

Sophie Rose my little angel, my little fighter
listen to mummy and daddy
we will be guide you through
this thing we call LIFE one
page at a time.

When she gets older;
I want to be seen as her
mother, a guide,
friend and teacher
in Life not here to
restrain and stop her
doing the things she loves
but there will be some
guidelines to keep
her safe; I want her to learn
and keep moving forward when
she makes mistakes
something I've always
found tough also  learn to clean
fend for herself when
Life gets rough.

Sophie Rose my angel, my little fighter
listen to mummy and daddy
we will be guide you through
this thing we call LIFE one
page at a time.

Never knew why I could not express my emotions;
could never show anger or excitement
unless I was really stimulated or wired.
I knew the emotions were running inside
as much as I really tried to project them
I just could not show them
people thought
I had something to hide
or just plain inconsiderate
if you knew me you would know
its the complete opposite
just not true about me
whether I sound unenthusiastic or visually somewhere
in a different state of mind:
I do care
and interested in what you are saying
there is something out there
trying to confuse the way I want to say things
or distracting me
wanted more than anything to show how I feel
to people so they couldn't accuse me of being false
or just a lifeless a robot;
i'ts frustrating
not everyone will always gets me
my tone of voice can fall flat
feel dead and lifeless
never changing my ****** expressions
its like having an constant botox
injection sealed to your mouth and eyes

Being autistic can be hard sometimes
not being able to control your
hand and body movements
it does this automatically for you.
Light and sound in a room
can really affect me too
everything is way too intense
sending me visually
out of focus, can't always
focus for long on other people
too without feeling nervous and uneasy  
I feel I'm not always in control
of what comes out my mouth
and feel like something is constantly
sabotaging my thoughts
everything is distorted jumbled and
sometimes comes out backwards
occasionally repeating
things I've said a hour a go.
I can't even always control my volume
of my voice its either too quiet
or becomes far too loud.

I kept thinking I really must be broken
Why can't I switch off
wish my brain would shut up
all I do is annoy
everyone in the room.

However I realise as frustrating living with autism
can be I'm not in fact completely broken
it does have its quirks
I found i'm very self absorbed
with time so always punctual.
Really creative and intelligent
especially with topics of my choice
I hyper focus I love to research
love to write and read
i'm a problem solver and try to
be logical look at things in another way
but never accuse me of having
no emotion as that is not true
can't always be the way
people expect me to be.

I'm a mother
sing in a choir.
Ex alcoholic and survivor.
Got diagnosed by my GP with bipolar, autism, dyspraxia
and adhd these labels don't in fact define me.
I graduated with a degree
in creative writing and english
Unemployed for 6 years but been jack of most trades
tried most kinds of work including retail,
cleaning and admin looking for work
has been tough going but proud to say
i'm a fighter and keep on trying
have completed an nhs course
volunteered working with the community
When sophie is older
I may even volunteer in my local library.
I am very logical, love routine, punctual
spiritual in my beliefs,
open minded think outside the box
write poems and short stories,
love playing sport
painting, photography
but my down side I
can be impulsive
and impatient need to
learn to take my time
with things.