Believe me when I say this i've seen them all;

I'm now more wary of the players
the ones that make themselves look good,
make out their the real deal;
boast about the size of their ****
and about the way they look
but rarely these men commit;
they prone to cheat and play
callously with your heart.  

I'm more weary now of the narcissistic charmers
their acid tongue and good looks
might just fool you
into believing they love you
and that you have a chance with them;
then if you don't give into
their demands they make
you look bad; they blackmail
and lie to crush you

I'm more weary of the stalkers,
the guys that won't let go determined
to follow your every move
smoother and make you feel uncomfortable always
wanting to be in full control  
and won't allow you to see family and friends
not without them being present there with you.

I'm now more weary of the time wasters;
the ones that are not sure about
whether they want to commit to you
or stay with you for long only when
it suits them.

when I go for a man as my king I like a man
I can have a good banter with;
a man who loves the whole of me;
not just parts my body; someone that makes me
laugh and checks on me every day
to see if I'm doing okay.

For Aimee's birthday the plan was to get her first tattoo. She was a blond hair lady with a wide bust, huge hips and big *****. Her ***** were one of her best assets she loved to see her body as her canvas her  piece of art; she got her  mind set on getting a rose and heart near her ***** and chest.

She went online booked an appointment in the nearest tattoo parlour to book her consultation to meet the tattoo artist who will be working on this project with her and this was where she met MR Pain.

MR Pain was an  average built man with some muscle tone on his legs and arms. He had tattoo's covering every flex of his body. He wasn't much of the talker in the first meeting more of a quiet and down to earth man. He asked

“ Okay what part of your body would you want the tattoo?”  

“She shyly said “my *****”

His eyes gleamed started to fixate on them as he chuckle

“ well that can be arranged”
I hope you have you brought a design or a piece of artwork with you so I can see a visual design of what you what to have done on your skin”

she took out the picture, he attentively looked at it for half hour and said

“heart and a rose…
this…
could take a few sessions…  
depends on how much detail you want in your design”

He randomly blurted out

“Mmm… I love your *****”.

“More to the point – serious question would you to be able to take on pain? think about it first.

I could show you want you be facing up to with an early demonstration just sign the contract it'll be my treat for your 18th birthday do you fancy hooking up for a drink at my place”

Aimee couldn't see much in the contract the print was tiny; she felt his warm gaze and grin darting around her as she tried to make out what it was saying. His eyes hypnotic and calculating

“Do we have a deal!”

Aimee smiled and nodded she signed her name and said
“can see no wrong in that” its only a drink”

Mr Pain with rasping voice replied

“Excellent!”

Aimee shyly said “should I bring anything with me?”

Mr Pain shrugged

“Nah, I got plenty of drink”
everything we need is here at my place,
don't worry bring yourself
will order a taxi my treat”.

As soon as Aimee got home she had  a bath in honey and milk bath oil. Her ***** were like two huge sunken peaches glazed out in the sun. She got out of her bath robe and placed a long black dress and heels with pink lipstick.  All ready for the evening, she entered the taxi the driver was glaring at her  through the mirror

“You look nice!
“where you going to?”
Aimee gave him the slit of paper with Mr Pain's home address:

the cab driver looked horrified
he silently started to mutter to himself

“that place”,
“another victim;
she’s the third woman this week  
I would be careful with MR Pain,
“I have heard many stories”

Aimee shrugged

“Are you sure?
Can't be the same man
I know ”

Taxi driver shook his head.

“For **** sake
another dippy girl,
what's the world coming to
this is why I hate my job”

He opened up the cab door. Aimee stepped out the taxi

“Thanks for the tip.
Have a good evening.
be careful hunny”  

III MR Pain's Headquarters

Mr pain was waiting outside in the garden.  Dressed head to toe black. His grin slightly twisted and eyes gleaming in the sunlight.  

“Good of you to make it.
Aimee looking beautiful,
make yourself  comfortable.
I will be back with you shortly
I'm with another client.

Aimee waited in the living room for mr pain she could hear random screams and sound of crashing whips from downstairs wailing sounds of another lady
crying out
“ yes master will do what you want”

Aimee was  shaken up by the noise but turned on by the intensity of it all. She laid on the sofa and circled around her ******* with her fingers while doing this she was unaware mr pain was watching her through the CCTV camera. His voice loud and commanding

“I take it your ready for the demonstration”

Aimee stopped what was she was doing
feeling startled by his voice and stammering

“Yes- I - am”  

“Excellent – it may surprise you,
put the blindfold on it is on the table
there will be someone that will
take you through to the main room”

Aimee was feeling anxious and shaken now there were so many things going through her mind

what was the demonstration about ?
Why was there whips and screams?
why was the taxi driver talking
about girls being victims  

“I feel tired mr pain
wish to go home”

“Nonsense you got here,
your not going anywhere
you'll love it”

The figure placed the blindfold over her eyes; led her through a dark tunnel. The room was a cold and damp there were two other girls  with blindfolds being chained and whipped to the wall. Their skin looked as if they had at least 2 lashings a day from the whip there were bite marks and bruises around their body pleasure apparently was substituted equally with the pain. Mr pain got his whip ready; Aimee could not believe what she was seeing around her.  

“Your a fraud, your no tattoo artist
your a *******
a dangerous man
I knew I should have listened
to the taxi driver”

Mr pain voice raspy but more commanding now

“Yes you should have your going no where until my little demonstration is complete
then you can go free ”

He took out the gag from his pocket and placed it on her mouth so she could not speak, grabbed out the  whip and gave her a lashing; followed by gnawing on her ******* and chest;

“You feel what pain is"

He laid her on the table restrained her arms and legs she can not move and fight his advances. He licked her *******; making his way to her ***** licking up and down then in circular movements while Aimee was moaning she started to ***; he then took out what looked to be a huge ***** from the cupboard; pushing it into her ***** her eyes rolled to the side she started to squirm, she didn't know whether to squeal or scream  as pleasure and pain were intensified and felt equal in measure. His **** grew in size with now a huge  hunger in his eyes he pushed his **** further into her making her legs weak and squeal he could feel her heat up and ****** all over the table: he then rolled her to the side and pushed his **** into her *** pushing it all the way in he could now hear her muffled squeals as he fill her up with his ***.

“Demonstration is over; your free to go: taxi will pick you up, its up to you if you return for more but if you say anything about this; I will find you and you'll be back here and will belong to me”  

Aimee quickly put her dress on her. Looking shaken and tired, bruises and marks on her sweat and *** on her too she went straight for the cab. The driver took pity on her and didn't charge her  for the ride.  It was all a distant black memory she didn't say a thing. it was all a blur, a dark secret she was worried about the other girls; did they escape in the end from the crutches of mr pain or did they chose to stay there with him: she was just happy to escape and be free.

Huge shame this morning
to hear the legend
Keith Flint the rave vocalist
of The Prodigy pass through
to the other side.  

Brought tears to my eyes.
been a fan since I was 13
brought all the cd's,
brought a smile
fuelled my desire to dance.  
  
His band The Prodigy's music
radiates pure energy in a fast cycle of
beats per minute,
taking you to another place,
a new high,
so addictive.  
It makes you want
to dance in the club,
makes you want a mosh
in one of their concerts;  
makes you want to get your body
moving in every way
even exercise in the gym
you can not resist the beats
making you move your feet,
the rhythm makes you want to
move fast, oh how much
you want that sensation to last.  
Keith Flint's vocal's  
blast out into fire,
the vocal growls
makes your hair stand on end,
the video trippy  
full of sounds and
bright bold colours,
exploring an whole
another world. 
whole new universe dimension  
Amazing vocalist, amazing band
such a shame to lose and too soon,
I never got a chance to
see you mate at one of your gigs
and meet you in person
RIP Keith Flint hope you
have you an amazing
flight to the dance floor
in the sky.

Addiction to alcohol,
took its ugly toll.
Everything was
grey and black,
while sipping
pint after pint
dead of night,                                  
nothing would go right.

Waking up to morning migraines,
bruises on my swollen legs,  
pains in my chest;
shaky hands and sweats,
with no money left
except for a few penny's
memories of the night before a knew the score! some were good...some were very bad... but usually not that many I can remember.

Being the servent to devil's brew,
can lead to the darkest of avenues,
when you can no longer pay,
for the lifestyle,
you drink in the street,
sell yourself cheap,  
relationships are abusive,
opportunities are missed.  
You argue and alienate yourself
with the ones you love,
being the loner;
you feel no one cares
no one listens to you
no one is home.



My personal hygiene was the first to thing go,
my hair was greasy.  
over weight
I was constantly sweating  
got tooth decay                                 
ashamed to bare a grin
in case people mocked
and laugh at me.   

And mentally I felt drained;
nothing was ever worth the fight,
I felt nothing inside
wanted to go bed and hide.
Unable to turn off the mental abuse,
I couldn't write or think logic
threats, voices and paranoia  
consumed my head,
jump to conclusions
before anything was said.

To conquer a dangerous cycle of
emotional toxic drinking
is to start thinking smart,
To forgive not forget, 
Bare no grudges,                                                  
self awareness
meditation,                                        
write your triggers.

Drinking for me
was a way of socializing
with friends,
dealing with anxiety,
to help me forget the bad,
in the end all drinking did to me
if anything made me sad,
live my life in regret,   
live my life in shame,  
live my life in fear.
I didn't need alcohol to fit in
with friends in the end,
I lost interest in all my passions in life. Music, Dancing, poetry  and Open Mic.  Nothing I tried excited me no more; I felt numb.
I no longer able to write
or recite anything,
words and thoughts became jumbled
and abstract in my mind.  
I lost the way, I lost my identity
I lost my self respect,
pint after pint;
every day suffering from amnesia,
more confusion not knowing
who I am?  where I am?
I became angry and irritable
at even the slightest thing,
emotionally hurting people
that got in the way
only mission for the day
was to survive and                            
chase the next fix.

Was it really worth it in the end,
chasing that unachievable high
when in reality you felt like you were really going around in circles
over an cliff.  

I believe the hugest high in life fulfilling the ultimate purpose,
An real dream,
being the mother to my
beautiful daughter Sophie,
having people in my life that loves
and respects me and of course being able to communicate and write again.

Can't beat a good vinyl and CD,
how music use to be.
The first thing you see is a bit of art
from your favourite band,
where you place your hand,
on the vinyl and CD disk
insert it into the player
boom first track zooms
into action, no interruptions,
no distractions in the beats,
as long you take care of the disc
the crisp, clear quality
in the music will keep.

The reality is hitting home,
music is changing
all the time.
Music is being recorded and purchased
through the miracle of the wide web.

This is not a new phenomenon
you can learn and listen to
something new every day.

On one hand you
can make some great
beats even recording
on your mobile phone.

You can buy any instrument
you want to purchase through websites
pay any time and any where
you like
It will be posted
to your home.
No hassel,
no queues;
the small price and shame
is when you hear wonderful music places
are never the same!

In the early noughties
music shop's was the place to be
hook up for a day
sample and play
vinyl and records,
listen to new beats
play and buy an new instrument,
word of mouth about
new bands,  
connect for hours with other music fans
about what you enjoy
and what you like to hear play
on the airwaves.

It's different nowadays
we can promote
at the comfort of home,
connect through laptop
and phone screen.

Create band page's,
blogs, post online
reviews. Share video's
to broadcast the sounds,
and ideas to upcoming stages.

Hell yeah music will always be here,
there is no fear,
when there is local gigs, music clubs
and open mics, playing the music
all year taking you to new thrills,
higher heights,
keep that magic alive,
support your local music scene.

Getting better as a mum;
learning to strengthen
my knee and arm
muscles each day,
with weights and my
exercise bike.

I can run with
my little lady when
she's older and we can
go out and play.

I'm learning to flex,
my creative sights.
Reading and talking to her
singing funny nursery rhymes .
Who cares if my singing voice
isn't even any good,
she will be my only judge.
I want her to smile and laugh
that's my mummy up there
flexing her hands to the mike.

I'm finally learning to get her clothes
and ***** on right,
making sure her feeds are on time.
Learning to cook will be
the next thing on my list
then I can conjure up a
mighty fine dish.

Always found learning
practical tasks difficult
to master; its a challenge
every day to live
with dyspraxia.
I will get there in
my own special way.

When i've built my strength up;
I can take her out
in her pram for the day.
Enjoying the sunshine,
grand adventures in
the great outdoors,
exploring nature and woods.

Or we can explore how
chocolate is made.
Explore the gravity rush
adrenaline thrill
of theme park rides,
the possibilities
are endless and fun,
being a full time mum.