Getting better as a mum;
learning to strengthen
my knee and arm
muscles each day,
with weights and my
exercise bike.

I can run with
my little lady when
she's older and we can
go out and play.

I'm learning to flex,
my creative sights.
Reading and talking to her
singing funny nursery rhymes .
Who cares if my singing voice
isn't even any good,
she will be my only judge.
I want her to smile and laugh
that's my mummy up there
flexing her hands to the mike.

I'm finally learning to get her clothes
and ***** on right,
making sure her feeds are on time.
Learning to cook will be
the next thing on my list
then I can conjure up a
mighty fine dish.

Always found learning
practical tasks difficult
to master; its a challenge
every day to live
with dyspraxia.
I will get there in
my own special way.

When i've built my strength up;
I can take her out
in her pram for the day.
Enjoying the sunshine,
grand adventures in
the great outdoors,
exploring nature and woods.

Or we can explore how
chocolate is made.
Explore the gravity rush
adrenaline thrill
of theme park rides,
the possibilities
are endless and fun,
being a full time mum.

Music in the club was booming.
High energy rush,
makes you work up a sweat,
a very good beat,
will make you stamp your feet.
Oh DJ can you
play classic rock.
Some old school ballads,
guitar licks,
coupled with a little bit
of naughtiness.

Maybe play us some punk,
something loud!
something proud!                                                                              
Music I can pogo to
in a circle of friends.
A real head rush
raw energy that
makes you want
to shout!

Oh yeah music
is a real rush.
Its all in the beat man,                                                                    
repeat it's all in the beat
lets us stamp our feet.

Sophie cries are on cue,
every three hours feed is due.
She loves my mood candle
turning from red, orange to blue
her smile lights up she
spots her reflection,
she sighs
a happy giggle,
she waves her hands
at the elephant
and the giraffe,
each day making her
her mummy laugh.
Being bold but not too loud,
making her voice stand out
she loves being tickled
on her feet and fighting
the toys in her play gym
already keeping in trim
my angel, my little fighter
listen to mummy and daddy
we will be guide you through
this thing we call LIFE one
page at a time.

Red and pink
ember aura
now radiating from
both our physical bodies.
I can see
room turn dark
and into blackness
for a moment
entering into the
realm of unknown
then All I see is your warm
glow and grin,
feel your arms
stretch and
comfort around me.
The room heating
up, feeling sweats
but feeling the
intense energy flow
that shared around ,
bodies heating up
and touching like
magnets, making contact
with eyes and mouth
firing up around each other,
to a point where
energy has crossed over
to one another
making new LIFE

Getting prescribed pills. just because I can't keep still.
Constantly working on the fast lane.
Only way my brain can keep sane.
Dealing with physical pain,
been told I have knee dislocation at ten.
Been told I'll be in a wheel chair by the time I'm 40.
Having people stop and stare, oh yeah I've f**king been there.
Its never got in the way, improving myself each day.
Only one that can help is myself
to make most of what I've got and my health.

Brain bouncing off the walls,
moving at a fast pace,
generating questions it use to keeps flitting
between the past and what will happen in the future.
I enjoy the high where my brain stays in the present and moves into a meditative state even if it's just for half hour in a quiet state of consciousness.

No negative voices
constant brain chattering
and earth shaking hand jitters
just in the moment and rhythm of time
taking in what happens and
enjoying the simple things around me,
taking in the crisp calmness of the air I breathe,
warm hugs I feel and just what my eyes see.

Docs think they can cure and make me feel better,
come up with a solution to life's problems
assess me with another mental disorder,
put it to order with my letter and GP report along with my prescription, 100mg lamotrigine once a month medication
to numb the daily pain.
It feels like a gun shot to the brain!
Moods rising and falling caused by shock and trauma
what exactly happened mind was wiping out the physical and mental torture!

It doesn't quieten the voices if anything just eradicate my memory now I get blanks in my head
family and friends have to fill in the gaps and scenes
that are now missing. I become constantly hungry and incomplete numb feeding myself those pills to keep my emotions asleep, docile quiet and unfulfilled quivering with shakes and sweats
had to wait to collect my tabs at the medical centre
you know what one day I came into see my psychiatrist with a new perspective and conclusion meds can not cure me
their the brain's bicycle stabilisers to keep it trekking along
and not falling into the realm of unknown and into the great beyond but i know some natural remedies to alleviate me.

He nodded you've done research Miss Leiser. Your go far should go into teaching or be a therapy. Do you want to hear the 5 natural remedies to remember
1. acceptance of what has just happened can't be changed the horror of ****** trauma. I went through when I was 21 feeling helpless and weak, couldn't speak, was in shock!

Crying and feeling alone. I could either be the victim drowning myself in beer and punishing myself every year

letting him and the voices win blaming myself and living in guilt and fear that I could have acted and stopped it asked for help instead of suffering in silence

or be warrior that will overcome accept past is over, calm my anger and forgive the man that did this to me. Believe it or not he hasn't changed but I've been the better person by not reacting to the rage and negative voices -

*****, ****, *****.

At one point I wanted him to feel my pain and punch the ******* down and for him to do time for committing the crime. What would be the the point of seeking revenge it will only get the pigs on me and will the anger make me any better than him.
In the end I accepted an half hearted apology but whether he has learnt his lesson is unknown. I will let karma deal with him and he'll stay the **** away me will not let him or anyone get to me again!

No one will lead me astray  will not end up sick in the hospital or alone in the gutter. Don't let the haters bring you down, now changed my way of thinking - been keeping positive, ignore deception, ******* and lies.

2nd natural cure build my creativity write and help people with rhymes and build up moral and educate people on mental health and good decency. Making people laugh with sharp wit and tips.

Third remedy - exercising my body - walking in the sunshine eating good food and looking after my diet.  

and finally forth remedy  meditation and relaxation - cleansing my charkas, releasing the negative energy being made aware of the energy vampires that surround every day there the best cures you can master in order to get better faster.