Getting prescribed pills. just because I can't keep still.
Constantly working on the fast lane.
Only way my brain can keep sane.
Dealing with physical pain,
been told I have knee dislocation at ten.
Been told I'll be in a wheel chair by the time I'm 40.
Having people stop and stare, oh yeah I've f**king been there.
Its never got in the way, improving myself each day.
Only one that can help is myself
to make most of what I've got and my health.

Brain bouncing off the walls,
moving at a fast pace,
generating questions it use to keeps flitting
between the past and what will happen in the future.
I enjoy the high where my brain stays in the present and moves into a meditative state even if it's just for half hour in a quiet state of consciousness.

No negative voices
constant brain chattering
and earth shaking hand jitters
just in the moment and rhythm of time
taking in what happens and
enjoying the simple things around me,
taking in the crisp calmness of the air I breathe,
warm hugs I feel and just what my eyes see.

Docs think they can cure and make me feel better,
come up with a solution to life's problems
assess me with another mental disorder,
put it to order with my letter and GP report along with my prescription, 100mg lamotrigine once a month medication
to numb the daily pain.
It feels like a gun shot to the brain!
Moods rising and falling caused by shock and trauma
what exactly happened mind was wiping out the physical and mental torture!

It doesn't quieten the voices if anything just eradicate my memory now I get blanks in my head
family and friends have to fill in the gaps and scenes
that are now missing. I become constantly hungry and incomplete numb feeding myself those pills to keep my emotions asleep, docile quiet and unfulfilled quivering with shakes and sweats
had to wait to collect my tabs at the medical centre
you know what one day I came into see my psychiatrist with a new perspective and conclusion meds can not cure me
their the brain's bicycle stabilisers to keep it trekking along
and not falling into the realm of unknown and into the great beyond but i know some natural remedies to alleviate me.

He nodded you've done research Miss Leiser. Your go far should go into teaching or be a therapy. Do you want to hear the 5 natural remedies to remember
1. acceptance of what has just happened can't be changed the horror of ****** trauma. I went through when I was 21 feeling helpless and weak, couldn't speak, was in shock!

Crying and feeling alone. I could either be the victim drowning myself in beer and punishing myself every year

letting him and the voices win blaming myself and living in guilt and fear that I could have acted and stopped it asked for help instead of suffering in silence

or be warrior that will overcome accept past is over, calm my anger and forgive the man that did this to me. Believe it or not he hasn't changed but I've been the better person by not reacting to the rage and negative voices -

*****, ****, *****.

At one point I wanted him to feel my pain and punch the ******* down and for him to do time for committing the crime. What would be the the point of seeking revenge it will only get the pigs on me and will the anger make me any better than him.
In the end I accepted an half hearted apology but whether he has learnt his lesson is unknown. I will let karma deal with him and he'll stay the **** away me will not let him or anyone get to me again!

No one will lead me astray  will not end up sick in the hospital or alone in the gutter. Don't let the haters bring you down, now changed my way of thinking - been keeping positive, ignore deception, ******* and lies.

2nd natural cure build my creativity write and help people with rhymes and build up moral and educate people on mental health and good decency. Making people laugh with sharp wit and tips.

Third remedy - exercising my body - walking in the sunshine eating good food and looking after my diet.  

and finally forth remedy  meditation and relaxation - cleansing my charkas, releasing the negative energy being made aware of the energy vampires that surround every day there the best cures you can master in order to get better faster.

Can't ever settle, either have far too much passion or not enough interest. How I'm suppose to know what you like best. Every relationshit got to me in the end and affected my smile.
I'm happier with being me just having support
of close friends and my family.
A full on commitment takes quite a bit of time to complete,
been on a few dates and quite a few people
I've had the chance to meet.

I'm turning 28 this year
it's never too early
or too late will take my time and wait
find the right one when the
right time comes my way
it will be my lucky day.

Please respect
that I'm a lady
I don't wish to see
and be sent your **** pic,
it'll be ignored
and deleted.
I'm not interested
in visuals, amaze
me with wit and humor
and use of language.

Show me your worth my time,
want to delve
deep in your mind,
tell me more about
your passions.
what makes you tick
what makes you smile.

Next time you flirt and
***** talk stop and think
don't send another pic
its an instant let down,
immediately lose interest,
don't be another pest  
or just an egotistical *****:
have some respect
just talk to me nice
be polite
you'll go that extra mile.

I use to enjoy our pub chats,
sipping shot of gin and tonics
and 3 pints of 1664's and another
shot of whiskey,
we were set laughing,
talking about punk,
squats and art deco
and singing badly
to the karaoke machine.

You always put a
smile on my face
even though you
knew death was
what was coming,
can see it in your eyes
holding in the tears
you knew you
couldn't win this fight.

LIFE was cruel to you;
you never deserved
the punishment
you every day endured,
you taught me much.

Don't ever live life how
they want you to be
find your happy place
slow yourself down KIMMY
really concentrate and take
everything in
you'll be great
forget relationshits
they hold you back.

Most people are mean
and unkind ,
kept telling him
not everyone is bad,
there is good in
everything that
crosses the path.

He grunted and laughed
you'll see one day, kid
your daft but i like you all the same,
you are sweet KIMMY and one of a kind!

He could see the pain in my eyes too;
I have many mental scars
they take years to heal
enduring them
made me strong
know I'm wrong
maybe sometimes.  

I still appreciate your words
you never sugar coat
told me your TRUTH
didn't believe in lies
always had your dog
by your side.

I will only give
out the two finger
salute of *******
if anyone deserved,
my mate would laugh
like your style KIMMY
you got *****...
love your comedic quips
and tips
you showed me that
Art can be made from
any recycled resources
make most of
what you have
a true artist is a
visionary can
make anything
and regenerate
its inner beauty.

before you passed on
had dreams with the number 3
dark scary ones at night,
gave me a huge fright
something bad is happening,
but weren't sure what it was
just a gut feeling my nan
would say, woke up
feeling like death
with shakes and sweats  

find out a few days later
my gut wasn't wrong
you were laying in hospital,
week later  you passed on
couldn't control the tears
was in shock,
wished i could have
given you a massive
hug and real goodbye,

you and your dog
entered the rainbow
bridge the same time.

Miss you both every day,  
your artwork makes me smile
and i owe you a huge thank you
for being there and being a good friend
glad we did get to meet in LIFE
your such amazing spirits hope
you get to find the inner peace
you were looking for and deserved.

Do not touch
what don't belong to you
my things are my  self worth
and pride

Drunk man took my hat
show some respect;
could see he was the ****
didn't laugh
told him... give the hat back
you just don't do that
unless of course
you were looking
for the slap.

I could hear Alex
voice in my head
grunt and curse
tempers sway, fists
getting ready to fly.
I take control
have a cool down
moment to think, 
I'll leave the fight,
it ain't worth it
not take the bait
lets just call it a night
leave the pub with
my dignity
and respect intact
face still in one piece
before this could get worst.