I've never been scared in my sleep
My dreams are ordinary reenactments
Of the pain and disorder that is my life
But I do believe in nightmares
The kind you can't wake up from
I met one down the street
Last time I was brave enough
To climb out of bed

Your cold body is contorted on the soft carpet
Spurts of thick blood come from the heart I have carved out of your chest
My warm fingers bare the scarlet stain as evidence of what I’ve done
And no amount of scrubbing can take it away

I’ve become a paralyzed creature, who doesn’t understand how to respond
I played around with the heaviest words in my vocabulary
Not realizing the power that they had
Unaware that I was unready to say them

I never loved you; at the time I thought the feeling was there
Now you lie unresponsive
As I slowly walk away from the mess I’ve made
And leave you in the past
The words I used to stab at your heart, the words I didn’t mean, echoing in my mind
“I love you”

My eyes sharply snap
My breathing broken from nightmares ripping apart
The screaming is my own voice now, as I plead to the sky for help
Someone, I cry
Just anyone right now

The silence fills the room again, like it was before
from biological rain streaks on window panes
to mascara black down pours,
I have this need to be surrounded
By company to keep me sane
Yet my presence is but an absence
And those I call out to,
     never hear what I have to say

My day begins and ends the same
My eternal calling never being filled
The ripping of my chest then swallows
What little willpower I have left to live.