I hate that the sun shines when i'm sad. Stop mocking me sun.
I want to scream to it please be sad with me, it's all I will ever ask.
I hate that the days go slower when you look forward to something.
Stop teasing me life. I want to scream please let me be happy, it's all I will ever ask.
I hate the every-now-and-then-religions. Stop it hypocrites.
I want to scream, don't judge me because i'm not a quiet sinner.
I hate that I love and i'm not loved back. Stop hurting me lover...
I want to scream I won't hurt you, truly, I promise...

I don't think I meant to but... I may have danced with the devil.
The night was so warm and I couldn't help the heat in my soul.
I shook with a passion that needed a fix so along came a charmer
with a strong arm and a cigarette. We danced until the sun was way into the night.
we danced until the moon once again saw light. I didn't think I done any wrong
until I felt my heart want more sin and more sin. So I let the heat grow cold in my soul
til the embers were just warm coals and I danced alone to see if maybe it was just me.
But his eyes and his hips and by god those cigarettes were all I could think on my mind.
I opened my eyes and to my surprise he was there again with a devilish grin and and a small
shiny tin. So I took his strong arms and a cigarette and kept on dancing on the night I will never forget.

My hands became calloused as I held tight to the idea that things would get better and white knuckles turned to arthritis almost overnight it seemed. I was never patient enough to wait for things to come in time and that saying never meant much anyway. So by the time I was ready to end it all the better part of life was waiting in the shadows almost like spring does in the ending suns of winter. My hands became calloused as I held on to the idea that things would once again become bad, and that the better part of life would be stolen from me like all the loves of the past. I became to busy being scared of losing it all to enjoy the warmth around me. Then soon like I had feared I was alone again and the spring was something I endured just to get to the summer where love sometimes blooms which is odd about life... My hand became calloused as I clutched the phone waiting for some sort of something to let me know this wasn't all life had for me

I tried to do it, to talk to you and not relive the past but... how does anyone do that? All I keep thinking about is the way we once were and how I want that back. The friend you once were to me. The person I always turned to and the lover I could never leave behind. Your smile is there in my mind right next to the beauty that we shared on that oddly chilly September night. I've never felt that with anyone else and it's a crying shame because I never will again. I'm not good enough for you now and I know that in my heart... But the best part is I know you still think about me and wish the same as me... it hurts to think that never again will we be.

I want to leave in the morning, around one.
I want to go as far as the gas tank will take us before stopping
I want to lay under the stars and fall asleep in the car.
I want to eat ****** food from gas stations and wonder where the hell we're going.
I want to do something crazy, something unpredictable and amazing.
I want to run into the ocean at dawn and laugh at the wind in my hair.
I want to scream at the moon on a swing set in the new light of the day.
I want to hold hands on the way home and then turn around and do it all over.
I want to take pictures and sing at the top of our lungs at stop lights despite the looks.
You want someone perfect.
You want someone without scars.
Without troubles
Without a hurt heart.
You want a love.... But i'm just not the one

" You're just like your mother" They spit the words upon my ego
God, why can't I let this go? The deepest thing I fear of becoming
is the thing who brought me into this world, i'm still just a little girl
in the heart of these lies, the things I keep hidden, I carry them inside
I'm still just a little girl, in the soul of this place hell bent on staying
written on the holes in my face. I'm just a little girl... if you look in my
eyes. I'm tired of hurting, tired of wanting and i'm ready for a surprise.

I look in the mirror, what did I expect to see?
Age lines? Sure signs of dramatic aging?
I see me, just 20, one year older than the day
before. Nothing more, just me the same person
I use to be, just me with frown lines and a wicked
personality. Just me.