Here's the thing,
I haven't written in so long.
I read my poems from years ago
and think if I could write something
out of the silly freshman year crush I had,
what more for this first real love and heartbreak.

Then I realized I couldn't.

There's nothing left to say other than we tried.

even though you're not in my life anymore
we really should have gotten tattoos together
to reminder who we used to be-
young, in love, happy.

not sure if i want
you back. maybe i just miss
who i used to be

maybe i dont want
a relationship, maybe
just intimacy

I still remember
the first time you held my hand
and how I forgot how to breathe.

I still remember
the first time you kissed me
and how that literally took my breath away.

I still remember
the first time you told me
I was the most beautiful woman in the room
and how I took your breath away.

I still remember
the our first big fight
and the difficulty of breathing in between sobs.

Now,
it's the first time we're truly apart
and I can't help but long for the days
where I'm breathing the same air as you.

All I do these days
when I'm not drowning myself in work,
away from you-
is remember all those firsts,
and my breathing pattern,
and how I felt truly alive.

It's 11:11
and for the first time
after a very long time
I'm wishing for myself
and not for you