lonely laughter

buried love

hurting thoughts

saddened eyes

reckless mind

heartless times

scared feelings

painful tears

praying darkness

silent words

emotional fear

dark days

silent nights

winter chill

summer heat

blacked life

beside yourself

with a soft echoing breeze
like a cold rain that will freeze

I hold on to the last of my feelings
only by a thread

bitten by her bitter words
from someone I thought I loved

tied by a ring
so far away from shore

the beauty of a life
that is now fading away

what once felt like a lifetime
is now only a short dream

the visions of her are now jaded
and are no longer clear

there's no pain or hope
of a life I will never know

all I ever wanted
was the direction of the hour

so miss leading
I didn't question her beliefs

into the darkness I will go
now everything is gone

and i'm know alone
walking in her garden

her garden of old dreams
i will now wash my hands

like an empty canvas
under the sheets of pain

her legs spread out before me
as her body once did

with looks of confusion
as her thoughts are almost their

she begins to paint her image
of the life she will have under the sun

as she taste and breath
her life has taken a turn

all I ever taught her
and once ever been, is  now gone

with twisted thoughts
her mind fly's away
with love gone bad

she stroke her thoughts softly
with a bit of nervousness

but her painting is now started

strokes of red
strokes of blue
strokes of black
strokes of new

how her canvas changes
as the years have gone by

and still the canvas is not complete
only a half painted picture

a painting of confusions at times
a painting of passion at times

but still no painting of love

so many beds
so many faces
so many dreams

will she ever finish
will she finish her painting

I know one day she'll have a beautiful life
I know she'll be a star

My pain is self chosen
Which I look for daily

I dream about it at night
And always need it

I can't live without it
As I inject pain daily

The warmth is overbearing
As tears flow from my eyes

I sometimes drop to my knee's
and nod off for hours

My friends then wake me
And ask me why

All I can say
Is I love killing myself

Though I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart

Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve as I've done from the start

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on

Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met?

It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet

I resolved to call her up
A thousand times a day

Ask her if she'll marry me
In some old fashioned way

But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone

Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone

Young teacher, the subject
Of school a girl fantasy
She wants him so badly
Knows what she wants to be
Inside her there's longing
This girl's an open page
Book marking - she's so close now
This girl is half his age

Her friends are so jealous
You know how bad girls get
Sometimes it's not so easy
To be the teacher's pet
Temptation, frustration
So bad it makes him cry
Wet bus stop, she's waiting
His car is warm and dry

Loose talk in the classroom
To hurt they try and try
Strong words in the staffroom
The accusations fly
It's no use, he sees her
He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabokov

What does one say, who does not understand.
"Look at that loser"
"There out of control"
"Thank God that's not me"

What *******!
If you were never there, you will never care or understand.

Unless it happens to you or a loved one.
I now exactly what your thinking.
Never in my life time and I praise you if that happens.

But be real, look at today's society.
I know Layers that said it.
I know Judges that said it.
I know Politicians that said.
I know Doctor's that said.
I know Musician's that said it.
I know Actor's that said it.
The rich, the poor, your friend next door.
This is just to name a few.

Are you better then us, do you but yourself on a pedestal,
for demeaning an addict or do step up and learn about addiction.

These are not only good people but great people.
They try to fight their demon straight on, which is
the toughest battle that anyone can fight.

I can only say one last thing.
I wish the best for everyone and
hope that you never have to deal with this battle.

We are not bad people
We just have bad ways,
and that one day we will overcome our battle.

*God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change.
The courage to change the things that I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

as i push myself
through this thick fog

where i cannot see my hand
in front of my face

but i know i can find my love,
she's out there

yes, it will be hard
to find something i cannot see

i constantly run into things,
i trip,
i fall,
i cry,
i hurt.

yet, i will never give up,
this foggy journey

i constantly hear voices
beyond the distance of my sight.

saying,
i also need love
i also cry
i also hurt
can you love me

i look and look
but i cannot find anyone

will this fog ever lift
or will i be always trapped

i wait for that day
to find my love

Finished with this thing they called life,
I can find no one to help me with my mind.

People think I'm insane because,
I am frowning all the time.

All day long I think of things,
but nothing seems to satisfy.

Think I'll lose my mind,
if I don't find something to pacify me.

Can you help me occupy my brain?

I need someone to show me,
the things in life that I can't find.

I can't see the things that make true happiness,
I must be blind

Make a joke
and I will sigh
and you will laugh
and I will cry

Happiness I cannot feel and love to me is so unreal

And so as you hear these words,
telling you now of my state.

I tell you to enjoy life,
I wish I could but it's too late

Dear Everyone,

Most should know me past from my writings, most know that I was an addict, in prison, lonely at times, heart aches, I've been trough a lot including death of loves ones.

But do you pay attention to my writings about goals, dreams, to inspire, teach, motivate. I just don't talk about it, I follow through, which I hope everyone learns to do one day. If your doing it know, my hats off to you.

I have been having trouble getting a job because I am a convicted felon. That only inspired me to talk with God which had changed my way of thinking. I had a dream 2 weeks ago to open up my knowledge from the past. I was very successful in the energy field, to help fight global warming while reducing energy cost. I've been working 24/7 since that conversation.

My company is now  real but the opening is postponed because of new ideas. I have been approached by many investors, so me and my team has decided to go public with our stocks. I want to open four offices, Alexandria, Lafayette, Baton Rouge at one time.  And by year two New Orleans where I  I will have my Corporate office.

I don't tell you this to boast, but to inspire, especially our youth. I always tell them to dream big and you will never fail. Most don't understand, how sad.  Is that the parents these day don't teach this, just simple say my child if you dream it may come true one day. Tell them to simply dream about a new bike and provide it for them, don't have them earn it. These dreams will always grow year after year. Every day we get older and your children will leave from under your wing. Prepare for this world in the simplest ways and they will be prepared to step out in life.

Remember DREAM BIG and you will never fail.

INSPIRE, TEACH, MOTIVATE, PREPARE OUR YOUTH FOR THIS BIG WORLD WE LIVE IN, AS WELL SELF MOTIVATION FOR YOURSELF.

STAY POSITIVE, NEVER COMPLAIN AND NEVER SAY I CAN'T.

My hats off to my Marketing guru & genius , "Gailforcewinds".

this is very real

I really miss being on this site. ****, I've posted over 700 writings in 2 months and read 1000's/

Trapped in this world,
uttering words of no meaning.

As I have falling into a lost crack,
through this journey of my life.

Trying to find the secrets to success,
I ask myself many questions.

Life seems so mysterious to me,
where people remind me of ants.

They travel in a straight line,
seemingly knowing where there at.

Only to remind me,
that death comes easy,
even to the determined.

As I work so hard to figure my life out,
I am always let down at every turn.

Is it myself or someone else, to blame.  
For my reasoning of not understanding.

As they find excuses for everything I did wrong,
It only reminds me of what I have done right.

Is it the world who is  to blame or
is it just not my time in life.

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools," said I, "You do not know –
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you.
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said,
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence.

Why does my mind
Talk about my body

Why does my thinking
Envy my heart

Why are my feet
Jealous of my hands

Why do my fingers
Oppose my thumb

Why is my hair
Always a mess

Why does my skin
Always gets *****

Why doesn't my ear's, eyes and nose
Never get along

Why does my conscience
Always try to tell me what to do

Why can't they all get along
Why does this have to be

I'm not lost in my own mystery
I'm not lost in my own hurt
I'm not lost in my own pain
I'm not lost in heart ache or love
I'm not lost in sorrow or grief
I'm not lost in location

I'm just ******* lost from myself

Pride ?

Let me tall you a thing or two if you think you have pride !

Pride ?

It's an ego trip !

Pride ?

Will make you look stupid !

Pride ?

Hurts people !

Pride ?

Does not show affection !

Pride ?

Can leave you all alone !

Pride ?

Is an addicts friend !

Pride ?

It can **** !

Pride ?

Does a lot !

Pride ?

Will leave you all alone !

So do you still think you have pride ?

Just be proud to be alive and let things will fall in place !

Ooh, you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me
It's you, you're all I see
Ooh, you make me live now honey
Ooh, you make me live

You're the best friend
That I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine
And I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
You're my best friend

Ooh, you make me live

I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me girl
I'm happy at home (happy at home)
You're my best friend.

Ooh, you make me live
Whenever this world is cruel to me
I got you to help me forgive
Ooh, you make me live now honey
Ooh, you make me live

You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love the things
I really love the things that you do
You're my best friend

Ooh, you make me live.

I'm happy, happy at home
You're my best friend
You're my best friend
Ooh, you make me live
You, you're my best friend.

Welcome to this place

i'll tell you everything that i am
everything i've been though

i'll tell you my desires
i'll tell you my dreams
i'll cry about heart ache
i'll show you my pain

you'll know when i'm sad
you'll know when i'm happy
you'll know if i'm in love
you'll know when i'm depressed

you might know if i'm high or straight
you might  know if i'm joking or ******* with you

but you can rest assure, that it will be posted

i have one wish and that's i hope you understand

Lets go for a ride together
To a place where no one else can go

In our thoughts that were once in our mind
From that dream that you remember

It could from a  fairy tale that you once knew
It could be from a shooting star when ya'll were together

It could be from something you wished for in a wishing well
It could be from a thought you had with a horse shoe

Buy it's a thought of ya'll together

What does one think of when one writes
They then post their thoughts on this site

I see love poems that are so complete
I see poems of heart ache that will make you weep

I see poems of break up with spit on the screen
I see read of anger from someone in pain

I see lonely poems from times of the past
I see poems of madness that comes from the dark

I see complicated poems just like math
I see fashionable poems that come from scratch

I see people who write about their life
I see people who write about their guiding light

I read about hills, stars and rain
I read about forgiveness from the insane

I read about additions from live's of haste
I read about a loves one who have past

Children, family, feeling poems
I could keep going on but it would never end

Things we write are things we feel
We always write to keep our sanity real

I know the times that we fight
I know who's wrong or who is right

I know the times that you cry
I can see your trembling eyes

I know the times that you speak
Are only words that are incomplete

I can tell by the way you look
Is that your feelings are unhooked

I can tell by your smile
Every time your gonna lie

I can tell by your hair
Every time when your gonna swear

I listen with my ears

I hear the things that you say
When you think that I'm away

I know were you go
When you don't think I do

You'll dig yourself a whole
When I tell you, I don't love you.

I have no where else to hide
Darkness fills my mind

Trying to crawl from this hate
Feeling only my own thoughts of hate

1000 Miles from nowhere

When will my time come
To rid this fear of hate

Looking for the answers as I wake
Walking in the moment of my own solitude

My mind sails through the changes
Of living a life which is only a dream

So I call to the only one I know
Who has never left during my time of life

What have I been afraid of
Why could'n I have built my life around you

How do we overcome our fears ?
But then again what are your fears ?
Is fear is a different feeling for each ?

FEAR
An unpleasant often strong emotion caused by expectations or awareness of danger: An instance or stated marked by this emotion.

Anxious concerns: Solicitude

Profound reference toward God

Despair: Alone, the feelings of being alone

How does one tackle fear ?
I feel that everyone has their own way and we deal with it.
Think about your actions, what brought you to the point of fear.
Conclude the point and the fear should vanish.

For me, I find the courage to have the full trust in our God.

I have not felt fear in since i got away from drugs. Sounds bit made up.
Try and go to prison, being 5' 8' with no tattoos, with an average build. My wisdom and courage got me through, without a doubt. And most everyone respected me, the one's who didn't, my follower dealt with them.

**TACKLE YOUR FEARS

Justification:** Just as I thought.
                      To justify your actions to yourself.

Let me tell you a story.
I went on a cruise, what a time, great food, etc.......
Everyday i would walk the deck and talk to people. They had this one young man. He was happy as could be, eating his crackers and drinking water, smiling, just loving each day like it was his last. He was like this everyday. Me, i love to see happy, positive people.

On the last day of the cruise i went to compliment him on his enjoyable actions. I said, you really like ******* and water. He then replied that he did not have the money for food.

When he got his boarding pass checked, he did not read it. The cruise was an all inclusive deal. All the food and entertainment included in the cost of the ticket. When I told him this his faced showed his own signs of stupidity.
His tripped was ruined threw his own faults.

Look, most people know who God is and hopefully knows what the word and meditate means. To make it short, it's taking information in and thinking on it. Live by his ways and life can be very simple. The word may sound strange to some, but look through the situations Jesus went through and apply them to your own situations.

Small example: Jesus told Peter that he can walk on water, sounds pretty unreal. What this passage is saying is to have faith and you can accomplish anything that you put your mind to, with the correct information.

The bible (the word) looks real nice sitting on the table. Your friends say what a good man. But you never open it up.

No communication!!!!!!!!!!!

Quit justifying  your inabilities, change.

How does one's thinking actually work. Should I explain, yes I will. You can call me Dr. Phil if you like, my friends do.

Thinking, we all know comes from the mind, yet reacts in different manners. There acts of movements, there thoughts of desire, reaction that some say it's not a thought, that *******. How long does it take for a thought to get to your heart, the biggest decision maker. I know, some of you are going to think that the heart has nothing to do with it. If you think your right your heartless.

Let me not get off the point.

Thoughts come into your head, you have about 70,000 thoughts a day, give or take.  With these thoughts you think of your experience from the past. Things that made you feel good, bad, sad, pain, hurt, all the norm. Before you can ever decide what you have to do, you have to think about it. Some will say no, I will say ******* again. Example, you go tho the store with a friend, to the candy isle. You each get something different, you get what has pleasures you in the past from what you desire. Desire is something you want based on past experience or it could be from something you heard that stimulated your mind. With desire brings pleasure. Like *** maybe, haha.

I don't want to make this long:

Boolean Logic:
((((Information brings  thoughts)+ (( past feelings)+ (rationalize))
                     (Divide by heart = outcome))))

I know most everyone know this, but we sometimes need a refresher course in life. Especially when we start making mistakes, again.

I can rest assure that you had to use your mind and think about this one.

Thanks for following me as I follow you.
God Bless
David