I am graying my hair

Thinking I'd hear a call, an email

It's not something remotely guaranteed.

I've got to deal with it myself

Wasting my time

Turning into the grape sour

Graying my hair

Angry

like the nice Fenugreek tea

boiling and spilling over

I know I don't have to hear it

I don't want hear it

I am aware that I am torturing myself

With this recurrent thought

He isn't even worth the time

Precious time I wasted

How do I stop thinking

Keep referring back

To find a lead

Telling stories to my heart about your favorite mug

The broken mug

So detach.. let go and be.

Ever been told your dream's too big, beyond your class?

When such doubts arise, how do you react?

These fears and self-doubts, have you explored their roots?

It's often the environment, or loved ones, imposing limits in a form of guidance, out of love but stemming from fear in guise of their own experiences.

But have you questioned the boundaries set for you?

Now's the time to aim for your highest dreams, to commit fully and live beautifully – because you can!

Surround yourself with people who align with your values, those who radiate beauty when sharing their deepest desires.

Cultivate love, faith, and determination – and most importantly, believe in ‘You’.

I've experienced carrying the world's burdens, battling fatigue, and struggling with the fear of failure.

In my quest to unlock life's mysteries, I've learned that its beauty often lies in its uncertainty.

We try to make sense of everything, but why not embrace freedom instead?

I reassure myself, ready to face doubts and let them go.

I'm grateful for all my experiences, shaping who I am in mind, body, and heart.

Trusting in the connections I make, I pursue a dream so vast, it fuels my daily motivation and inspires my creativity.

Remember, the journey inward is the key.

‘Why, what is happening to you?’
Seem all fine girl, bubbling with joy, sparkling, filling the room with giggles
Nothing seems to be possibly wrong with you
Go out there and get busy’

Yes, nothing is wrong with me
There’s nothing I can put my finger on and show
When the whirlwind of emotions run through me
Like a hurricane
Thoughts and feelings knows no end
When it rains

It’s like I don’t want be in my room, my house
When there’s a power cut
And I am frantically looking for the light
Then it feels like the walls are closing in on me
The tightness I try escaping from
Inhaling and exhaling
The air, getting thinner

The only difference is my house is my body
My room is my mind

I haven’t been well rested
Well slept
My eyes are all droopy
Body tired
Sleep, trying to take me in
Then a huge flash zaps me out of it
Debilitating pain in my head  
The heart races
A black haze sets in the mind
Past, present, future, meaning, purpose and life seem desolate

How do I explain my state of mind?
How do I explain what’s weighing down on me?
When I don’t understand it myself.

Singe me song, serenade me
Don't bring me flowers though, I don't like plucked flowers
Let it be, just let it bloom
Inspire me, be my muse
Looking for a muse, aren’t we all?

I've been without it for some time now
Oh, when I say time, I say three decades
That many years to meet my muse
It's been a long time coming

Now let me savour you
butter scotch smooth
Allured, ofcourse I am
Drawn to you, yes
Sidelining priorities, yes

The sweet distraction, you are, to deafen the noise around
The onslaught of the 'Rush', the Inflation, the confusion, the instability
Expectations and constant ask of 'When do you leave
to breathe in the air of the outside and seek greener pasture?’

Looking to the far of island to find their lost goals, aren’t we all?
I think I've made a decision too, with the little yes that I said
With no substance in my heart to support my resolution

Distraction, yes you are, to medicate the overwhelming,
And an appetite to procrastinating mind and an aimlessness soul

I keep the trading sleep with exhaustion
And the drunken haze

The musings though, however strong in the moment
Runs out leaving you with the bare minimum to fuel through
Frozen
Leaving me unable to move an inch
Stumbling and crumbling
With not much to hold
Its only me to lift myself up

All the time and effort given to all kinds,
Why now show some kindness to myself  
It’s been a long time coming to be my own muse
This is to me, the muse I was always looking for.

I lay on my bed drifting

In poetic play of everyday life

Poetry everywhere;

In a friendly crease that I want to keep on my sheet

The window pane that showcases the crimson setting sun

The familiar chill in the air

Neighborly chatter

Tinkering of the cans

A careful and delicate feline walk

The slurp of the mojito

The clinking of the ice cubes

The brush strokes on a portrait

The loops of  smoke blown through

The very edge of a cigarette bud

Glinting in the firelight

Virtue, to see beauty in the mundane

Fascinating how  

How we all see everything

And yet we see it differently

When you feel a profound sense of loss

Feel the insides of you implode

crumble and fall

Pause,

Hold

And catch yourself in the moment

Take a long hard look back

live through clarity you sought

Go through the haze of the daily

Drift float and begin a new

Intimidating prospect it may seem yet rewarding it will be

Just passing through chanting this hymn

The world beneath you slides

Nail dig through the dirt

Grasping onto what’s left

Holding onto the sliding, seeping sand

You’re left there yelling what about me ‘what about me’

Begging for empathy

Feel yourself leaving

Getting lost in the whirlwind

Scrambling, not knowing what ensued

The end of February

Marching into luke warm days

It gets comfortable than what cold last winter brought

You can stand bare

To the outside

Recognizing this very feeling

Of stealth chilly breeze

Flowing through your chest

And just like that lives change

Leaving yourself grieving the death of a relationship

In a room with four walls

You had been too trusting

But you can’t let my heart be as small as thier’s

Life is short to not look it in the eye