When your mind is littered
And the world is falling inside your chest
Stop, take a breath
See the silver birch dance
The blue sky enhanced
By the Sun

Push your roots in to the ground
Without a sound
Harmonic resonance is loud
Feel the beat
of your heart
The pulse of the earth
You’re a child of the universe

You’ll never not be enough
Until you aren’t

If your values are material
You aren’t wired right
When status is your aim,
Likes are an empty game
You’ll never be fulfilled,
There’s no depth to be instilled
That heart doesn’t fill your cup
But I see it’s a momentary up
It soon fades away
Working on the next thing that you’ll (post) say

When your watch takes the place of your smile
And you let it dim the shine of your eyes
When the perception from others cripples your freedom
Image is nothing to believe in
Labels aren’t an achievement
Sadness and fear is transparently clear

I recognise you’ve worked hard for success
But what about passion and life beating through your chest?
I don’t care about the after party
Or the ‘everyone’ celebrity
It doesn’t impress me

I open your books of poetry
You close them tight on me
Afraid to show your trueness
It’s all I cared to see

Have I wasted years based on a fantasy of unprocessed fears, of daddy issues, and tears
I tear myself to pieces, my stomach is tied in knots, my mind is really broken, and I seem to cry a lot
I’m so desperate for your validation, for your kindness and your love, but the novelty of me soon wears off, and again I’m crushed.
This time will be different, we’ve come so far, we’ve grown so much.
We also made agreements that toxicity was done.
But who the hell was I fooling
Starved of chaos for a moment too long
You feast on destruction, dramatise this new production, which turns out is just a reconstruction, of the time before, and the one before that, I can go back and back.
Am I so ******* up for thinking things had changed
I’m scared to trust my thoughts I think my feelings are insane.
The venom in your voice, the stab of every vicious word
How is this the person who soothed me when I hurt.
How can I trust when you switch on me like that
The welcome mat is pulled and it’s into combat
I am the enemy. I must be destroyed
Just like Andy playing with his toys
Story has it, it will eventually become white noise
This scene has been repeated so much my head is sore
Blame, and blame, and blame, some more.
This time you scared me more than ever before
I’ve seen your darkness and still loved you to your core
But now I’m really sick
I don’t know who I am and my self esteem has dipped.
I don’t remember my smile, I live in ignorant denial.
I’m pathetic. I’m ashamed. I’m weak
Yet I continue to dial your number
Over, and over, and over, and over
Every click to voicemail chips away at my self-worth
I sob my precious heart out, longing to matter to you, coz no one else will do.
I put you on a pedestal and I really don’t know why
Because you’re emotionally abusive and you’ve made me want to die.
But you’ve also made me laugh, you’ve soothed me with your song, you sung me lullabies
And when anxiety has become too strong, you’ve got me to breathe along
You’ve held me and you’ve stroked my hair
You’ve reached out to touch me and to check that I am there
I believed we had an unparalleled connection
Was it self deception? Was I blind and naive?
I know love isn’t easy but should it bring you to your knees?
It’s certainly brought me closer to god
Coz I’ve begged and prayed like a hungry dog
I have no idea where I have gone

Oh October’s Hunter Moon
Largest on this night
Teach me what you know
The universe is fast
Yet nowhere feels like home

I saw you rise
Like a setting sun
White and yellow
As the night begun

I force to break our gaze
But wisdom’s in your presence
With a calming of my soul
I long to linger in your essence

I love you at your fullest
I love you when you’re barely found
I know you’re always there
Powerful,
Profound