I regret that I'm still here
Facing the last trip of train,
Bound for one last beer
Repeat for tomorrow again

To think some few years ago
I was once a proud plethora
A kid with ambitions to show
Wits to which I'm not a goner

Wasted days of my youth
Earning a way to discredit
My parents' sense of repute
All the while dying underneath

Moments after the expected
Here I saw myself standing
On a glass panel window I wept
Wishing to be just good at lying

'My life is ******* brilliant' I said
Counting the cigars I had left
Smoking another 'one last' dread
Before the 12 AM train depart

It felt lonelier in every other night
Between you and me, I was ashamed
To be the one who misses you now
After all the things I have said before

Remember the call that fateful night?
I swear from this heart to be over
Saying everything's wont be the same
Then bid you goodbye for certainty

Where were those words tonight?
To keep me company until tomorrow
Where were those words tonight?
To keep me from calling your name

Without me minding the days passing
Tears side by side they fall like rain
Between you and me, I am afraid
Being the one who cries tonight

There were regrets I rather forget
Like how I was here and not there--
Beside you where my heart should be
Where my heart should've stayed

I hate how it turned out to be this way
Keeping you happy at a distance
To a place you will never be hurt
After all the things I put you through

Know that when the dawn breaks
And the first sound you hear
Is the unfaltering beat of your heart
I would be there holding your hands

Because of all the hands there is
Yours are what mine yearns
And of all the faces I know
Yours is what I see in my sleep

Stay, for old times sake
And leave when I can be
At peace with this lingering thought
That you moved on with your life

Granted these words are selfish
All I wish is for you to be with--
The person that will guide you home
Again

Stay, for old times sake
Leave if you want to
Be the person that will--
Guide you home

Again

When the skies are a blanket of violet
Stars they whisper for tides to calm
Then, in the silence should I realize
It has grown to be the way I am living

It's only so far a smile can take the crowd,
In days far from the sunrise in the east
Those eyes will undoubtedly catch me
Crying a river, knee-deep in your nostalgia

Scars, scars, scars
All around the stars
Scars, scars, scars
Pick up all these shards

Knock, knock, knock
******* my gut
Knock, knock, knock
Why can't you just stop?

Leave, leave, leave
Roll down your sleeves
Please
Stretch out the sheets
Leave
Wipe out the tears

"Honey dear are you alright?"

"Yes mom, I'll go back to sleep."

I am slowly dissociating
On this plane of existence
To a seperate dimension
Exempt from realizations
And harshness of life

I am slowly dissociating
Becoming one with void
Finally being at my peace
Exempt from everything
The very sorrows of life

It is always back to you
Even if traversing the path
I could not otherwise take
Would always bring me back

Back to your door

Does not matter which road I take
Since every crossroad and roundabouts
Will always bring me back tongue tied
Begging for another chance

And it seems very problematic
For a cold pigment of the past
To scare me this much
Life must have really gone backwards

As I'm always the recognizable joke
It is hard to even realize that--
I could not laugh at myself
Knowing how serious I am

On looking forward to be
Back at your door again

What is lost then could never be found
Not on the books you burried yourself in
Nor even under the fort you call apathy
What you've lost is carried away with time

It's too late; your youth has slipped away
Next to the many regrets you collected since
Were the choices that have dulled your soul
Choices that ultimately colored you gray

Years gone by though the consequences--
The results of your very negligence
Still haunts you with the ghost you know
The ghastly ghost of your wasted youth

Seven days to celebrate another year wasted
And despite knowing the reason of solitude
It still makes you wonder, how each year--
Your birthdays get to be grayer than the last

I always thought this could never last
As fate always finds a way
To keep me away from you

But since the day you taught me how
To feel obliged and hurt myself,
I crossed a line I could never see

Finally, a bittersweet touch
On an unending search of fulfillment
That took an awful lot of time

Just to finis--

In bliss I found happiness
'Cause in it I found you
And in bliss I caught myself
Smiling through rise and fall

Yes, in bliss I found it all
The joy, the pain, the toll
'Cause in bliss I found you
Then in it I lost you

In bliss we lived our lives
Ignorant as though content
Yes, I thought forever is now
But forever is now until it's a bliss

Tomorrow will always come
Dont regret anything you've done
Life is short and will always end
We will always meet on ahead

Feel the beating in your chest
Louder and louder it gets
Set your mind to realize tomorrow
Will always come for you

Seize the clouds above your hands
Fly beneath the world you used to know
Have yourself the satisfactions of life
And grow with a smile on your face

Steadily, claim your dreams
The world is yours and yours alone
Tomorrow will always come
Don't be afraid

I was just a random book
Displayed in a blank library
Collecting dust and tears
Yet, untouched and contended

Then you suddenly picked me
Decided to read every chapter
Recite the poems I wrote
Since the day I learned to write

I was happy that day
To be suddenly the center
Of a galaxy I never thought
To even exist on the same universe

Books were meant to be read
So how lucky I was to be baptized?
Being a complete book on a--
Very unexpected circumstance

But for my misplaced expectations
You eventually got tired of reading
And here I am
Back to the corner of the library

Collecting dust all over again

In case you miss me in the night
Remember my favorite quote,
"Butterflies does not know
the stillness of the ground
but knows the vastness of it."

Be the butterfly that soars
Ever knowing of the turbulence
And the resistance of the winds,
Be the butterfly that lives
Knowing the vastness of the world

About time I let myself come up callous and cruel,
I'll go get my shovel and bury the castle with you in it

With a stick and a pole, i'll mark it with ease
Never coming back, I'll be out in a bliss.

How is it allowed to be that lovely?
A rush I can't shake up, oh so timely
Smile so **** pure feels much holy
Beauty grander than days of sunny

Good old songs from distant past
Love and adoration I could not mask
All those things she could ask
If falling in love with her forever lasts

Blue is a color not in her palette
Since her world knows no dejected orbit
A face I've been waiting for a whole week
Bringing the sunlight after her feet

If only she could be just one color
My heart wont be in so much trouble
But when the rain I curse was pouring
A rainbow of her hues is all I'm wishing

It took me a while to notice
What she kept on bugging me with
"Have you noticed something?" she asked
Without a doubt, this is her thousandth question
I shrugged her off
I thought it's just that easy
To get away from her
She clutched her hands away
She cut her hair shorter than usual
I noticed, how couldn't I?
Why does it even matter?

But then again, I remembered
I once asked her a question
As casual as it can get
"Would you ever let me die alone?"
Right after, the universe slowed
The only moment where time literally stopped
She crossed the Andromeda
To swallow me whole
Into her untimely hug
She said--
"Don't you love it when we're congruent?"

So with my untimely words for this untimely moment
I whispered unto her
"I liked what you did to your hair."
She bobbed her hair as minimal as she can
--My words just crossed Andromeda
"Don't you love it when we're congruent?"

Well versed crowd dancing around us
Still, I have your hands with mine
Enter the night, we'll still be together
Terribly drunk so caught in ecstasy

Gather your things and feel the lights
On the way to the crowd, let's be lost
Then find each other's heartbeats
As they slowly synchronize

Hear it real close from the source
Just how your man can only imagine
Accidents? They naturally happen
Tonight might just be the one you need

The room will past every ticking second
But it's still you and me drunk terribly
And even if it meant time is wasted
It was still time well wasted with you

Won't let our plastic cups be empty
Accidents? Surely they could happen
The room it passed every ticking second
And it's still you and me drunk terribly

This is better
This is good
I always tell myself
Letting her go was best
Not for me
But the best for her

Much as I would want you here
Dear and close to my heart
I would rather have you at a distance
Than have you shattering in my touch

Please be good
Please be kind
Please be the man
I thought I would be
When I get her
Dear and close to my heart

It will hurt so much
It will **** me
But please be there for her
Forever and always

In a moment that seemed an eternity,
Silent drapes covering a forgotten coffin
Swayed sideways on folded creases
Neatly revealing a rather sunny eyes

It was when the times were different
Greener grass was the only bound to be
Blessed with the innocence of youth
And drunk with the familiarity of life

Then spirit would have caused changes
Life long treasured accomplishments
But stories like such can be manacing
Since just looking at it proves to be so

Whenever Father Time feels relevant
Same conservation whispers in me
Those trying times already passed
Though I can't find it internally resolved

So back to the dusty old shelf it goes
Taunting it maybe, I won't let myself
Reminisce those times I was sunny
The youth I missed was bitterly over

If I carry on your love
The love that cost you tears
Will you be able to get peace?
Knowing that your dreams--
Your last words and last breath
Are burried inside a rotting corpse
Walking across a barren field?

If I carry on my journey
To gather up my mind
That a long time ago broke in pieces
With bits scattered across this barren field
Will you be able to get peace?
Knowing that I collect shards of my psyche
With this bleeding hands
Patched with used up cloths?

Is it fine to be the one asking?
When I'm the one on the other side of the line
Safe and sound away from harm
Is it fine?
I hope not. I really do
Because in my mind it was never fine
To be the one on the other side of the line
To be the one to feel silence
Haunted--
Knowing that you're on the other side of the line
Sleeping

Took you a long time to reach the shore
When the seas seem fine and collected
Lest the sins and sadness you abhor
Haunt you through the old days relentless

Heavy is the heart that carries the world
And weary is the world that hates itself
You saw the shores and loathed yourself
Since you tried and swam but sinked again

While up above, the banquet of stars shone
Right over your head as to mock you terribly
Then in the aftermath of it all, the sea set off
Before you began to learn how to drift along

But when the seas seem fine and collected
You found yourself embracing for the worst
Because in the midst of the pain and enmity
Nonchalant strength foreign to you, stayed

Forget all the sins and sadness you abhor
For the waves that crushed you day and night
Washed your weary heart that sinked unfailingly
Fooling it may be, but pain did build you whole

Looking back to the days of grasping for air
Often lets you forget that you took to the shore
Not even realizing, it's not time that took pity
You swam and persisted to the days relentless

Lucky was the moment you thought of living
The harbors in the shores were such a sight
There's still a lot of seas yet to be conquered
But lucky is it, you can still persist relentless

For you I will give an exemption
To find another purpose in life
So the things you treasured here
May grow and spring reminiscently

On the wake of the morning sun
I will embrace the warmth within
Looking up and clutching the skies
As I imagined you would, every single day

Since living alone I finally realized
The night, it's long and unforgiving
And having someone to look forward to--
The night eventually lost its facade of a beauty

Living purposely brought me to realize
I had it wrong and you were right
The sun I saw when I was in my lowest
Was brighter on the other side

So whenever I feel fleeting away
Somewhere, some place, some how
Your voice remains the only hope
To steadily anchor me to my feet

As though life was not once cruel to me
Hear me sing a song of love to you
Because I know none of what I've done--
In your eyes, none of them was in vain

On the day of my last breath, I will smile
And in the other side I'll finally see you
Smiling, as I imagined you would
"The sun really is brighter on this side"

I hope that life is not just about this
A one way road to somewhere else

Never did I pray for more or less
I just want to feel alive, if not again

She thought and fought
The humor where I belong
Because she finds it a creep
A humor that is so dark,
Deep, and unnerving
Must be a joke
But no she's wrong
This is not a jest
She knew it too well
"My humor is dark", I said
"My humor is dark for a reason"

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty pity you all
The horizon is red, the river is blood
Cracks open up the great crimson sod.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty chuckles seeing them crawl
There are no king's horses and no king's men
Just Humpty Dumpty laughing in his big quiet den.

Much like how trees survive winter
I would shed my leaves first
Expose my bare skin and shiver
For the new bark to bear and flourish

With the blood I bled, I will remain
Sustaining the thirst to claim the skies
Soon the roots under and below
Rests as the sun above has been realized

For I am just a humble tree
A humble abode of my handful dreams
Humble enough to just want to be
More to life than a yesterday's plea

So with a silent voice, I will cast
A sincere wish for you to let me stand
For I am a tree and as a tree I'll thrive
Past all the four seasons I'll survive

For dreams are for dreamers
As life is for believers
Trees like me will show
That trees like me can grow

Consider how affectionate
The stars should be
Just to share
A bit of your curiosity

Say, how the light that seemed
To flicker even in the darkest
Part of the cold night
Have rendered itself helpless

I tried to be a still wave
On a rampaging ocean
Just to have something in your life
Unmoving and predictable

Years and years gone by
Yet, you still can't shake the eeriness
Of the thought of us
Standing still for an eternity

So, I sat before you
While you gaze upon the blanket
Of the stars I wish I've laid
Hoping for you to keep your words

Not here, not now
Please, let me forget
The impending scene
Where you'd become a speck

On a heap of yesterday's memory.

If only dreams can die
The very same way I do
Maybe my life could've--
Turned for the better

Because in everyday I feel
Like slowly dying inside
Wanting something I can't
Even hope to realize

In a thousand lifetime

Save me a page
On one of your magazines
In return, I will make this
One of the last memories
I will leave with you

For when you want to reminisce
The structure of my face
The curvature in my jaw
The spacing between my fingers
The hallow look into my face

No one will ask
'Cause they'll probably never know
The face they will see
And the feelings I imbued within
This page on your magazine

I'll do everything
Everything just for a page
If it means a living memory
Of a hallow person
Dying inside
Dying to live forever

In your memories

I know for a fact
That the genuity and sincerity
Of your smiles
Are the lies you love to flaunt
To everyone else
To make them believe
The life you chose to take
Had lead you to the hands
Of a caring God

Since turmoil within each breath
And eccentricity within your soul
Had left you with a hefty core
The life you chose to take
Has lead you to a God
As passive as can be

As I enter a world without tears-
The world without hope
My chest felt lighter
My breaths got steady

As the world I've known fade into nothingness
The path I had seemed clear
The steps began to fold
The rain just stopped to fall

I wonder if this is where we intersect
A point in life when we become one
Just like two strokes within a plane
Crossed in an uneventful turn of events

This maybe the scene you wanted to see
The view buried within your eyes
A place overlooking the fields
Of a place you'll never meet again

The wind blew dry
The moon burned so weak
Yet, with a night that cared so much
We jumped into unknown

Must be nice
Must be good
For the world
Not to fall apart
When I feel
Happy
For once

Up until the day I say
The words I were meant to bear
These hands will hold you tight
Tight as ever been

The end may come near
The world may cease to be
But this hand will unfailingly be
The light you can constantly seek

Thread the impassable route
Fear no storm in the sea
For when you are with me
You are with your lighthouse

In hopes to live an ideal life
She concealed herself in a room
A room painted with the hues of her soul
Isolated and locked for others not to see

One day this guy saw this trampled room
Wandered and aimlessly searched for it's door
He tried so hard yet he may so blind to see
The door he's searching was inside of him

But the girl knew this guy will come
The guy which may set her free
Though she hoped and dreamt for this moment to betide
Neither two of them were connected by the strings of fate

Maybe I'm not worthy
Maybe I'm not

To those hugs and kisses
That shifts my heart to jump and trot

To those songs you play and hymn
That brings my world away from dim

To those shared secrets, said and done
That made me think "You're the one."

Yeah, maybe I'm not worthy
Maybe I'm not

To these caged feelings I'm now letting to rot

Of all the moments that could flash before my eyes
Yours just have to be the one
Lovely as her name
This memory of her was the last
Picture perfect smile which meant the world to me

I dreamt of this scene a lot
A drifting emotion from the past
Waiting ever so patiently
That still lingers on my hands,
My shoulders, and my heart

But under the mercy of a cold cylinder
The heart of mine would not react
Because as lovely as her name,
As nice as our shared memories were
I only wish I didn't have them

Before the estrangements of my youth
Were the meaning and colors to everything
Had as many friends as I could and held--
As tight to the hopes of living for eternity

Lost in the euphoria of my early years
Perhaps gravely endulged to even see
That the youth I savoured for so much
Has began to slowly erode to a new reality

The friends I had, worked their life around
And as I tried to arrive to the same place
The reality of mediocrity and blandness
Brought me to kneel, fittingly ashamed

My castle of grandeur collapsed as though--
I was not under it's roof, calling aloud
To whom I probably had missed dearly
"Mom, am I still young?" There's no answer

Better to sleep away this terrible dream
Let the calamity of my incessant doubt
Claw away my flesh and bones as it is
Hastily leave me here; older but not wiser

Along the last words we better left unsaid
Were the ones unheard but needed the most
'Cause when our pride felt righteous at times
Mistakes are what we ended up doing certainly

You took it hard, straight to your heart's repose
The only son you knew were nowhere home
And along your last words better left unsaid
It was his cold and distant back that faced you

Yet, Laura for what's her worth did soon realize
How quickly time fades with a passing glance
She did what's right but to no avail was it all
Until the final days warily caught up to her soul

Since then, my every passing days were bleak
I took it hard, against the solitude of my ego
The words I said were just there for a second
When the days passed, I wished to go back

I wish I can go back and tell you I'm sorry
Although I thought it was right to go away
My dear Laura was here but nowhere near
Time was cruel for mom and I'll suffer for it

It's hardly an effort for your ghastly soul
Leaving me sheltered on this prickled rain
Maybe for the reason that you imagined
It all happening in your head, ever since

Brewing in each step you took looking afar
A heavy storm circling on my chest
Joyful on the assumptions of being subpar
Calamity at worst, first among the firsts

I still, however, imagine how we slow-danced
Hopelessly against the wave of hands
Pushing us far from the reach of each other
Many chances taken but none won over

So it is hardly an effort for me not to cry
Falling over an unmistakable silver lining
You had me at the very least of efforts
Left me with the very least of trying

I hope and pray
My heart would not escape
The cage I bound it in
My Juliana

I hope and pray
My hands would not reach
The hope that seeemed forsaken
My Juliana

I hope and pray
For a broken heart to mend
As swift as the tears I shed
My Juliana

I hope and pray
My Juliana

But to hope and pray
For something improbable to happen
Is like loving you
My Juliana

Day and night would be
The only thing separating you and me
You loved the sun, I adored the moon
Our love I knew won't matter soon

But before words be said and done
I wish to finally become the one
To finally own up to the words
"I would choose you over any other world"

Be it the moon, be it the sun
Be it my face when tears dry run
Just for a moment let me be
The one who'll choose you over me

Time I knew is of the essence
You and I could be less in mere seconds
So I'll save my tears for our next life
To where I know this love may survive

Look away and don't smile
Don't look into my eyes
I knew those views will only hurt
Crush and tear my heart apart

Polar opposite faces of a coin
Different yet fates rejoined
You loved the sun, I adored the moon
This love I knew will wither soon

And when you certainly do depart
I will let you go and see it's worth
To the next life, I'll be--
Waiting for us to finally be

On the crossroad of our life
The easterlies blew southward
And in the ever so sudden shift of the world
You began to shine your true color

Shades of yellow suddenly cowered
To an ocean of blue, deep and calm
Never knowing what laid after my eyes,
I thought you were the most serene view

For the life of me I could not guess
Why it seemed like paradise to me
When what lied after my view is your reality
What lied after my view is a chasm

In an unbounded, groundless dark trench
There's a chasm that gets deeper as I stare
On a serene ocean I finally felt your peace
The same peace I wish for you to be

Had it occurred to me a lot sooner
I could have realized; life mirrors art
Together we could have began--
Shining our true colors to the world

Death is what follows through
In moments of weakness where--
Your voice is what the winds blow

Each word they carry to my ears
Was a knife staked to the heart
Then what follows after is a fall

I die once and then another
With each was a gasp for air
Just to suffer a little more longer

My every death is in your hands
And in every death I live again
To die once more in your arms

To die once and for another

I came home late
Which is no surprise
Let my coat hang loose
Gripped the **** too tight

I sighed down the aisle
Where the frame of us stood
Embroidered with smiles
Standing still, much of a fool

I came home from work
Expected everything to be still
Yet when I turned to the room
The stillness took out my own will

I've known no bounds
Known no regrets up to the core
Until that moment when you flew
One inch above the floor

I choked in air
I never thought one can do
Failed to trust my own
Failed to balance myself

I've known no fear
Known no regrets up to the core
Until I saw my other heart
One inch above the floor

It's been a while
Since the day I walked this field
Where I brought you
On our last day together
The grass haven't grown
The trees still stood tall
Everything seemed frozen in time
I know when I look down
The day, month, and year
Wont ever change
Because on that summer day
The worries disappeared
I moved on now
It seems unfair
Knowing time had stopped for you
Since I brought you here
To your peace

Remember to water down the rainbows
The ones I grew on our backyard
Never fail to realize each color I arranged
Were the days we watched every sunsets

Worry not, I will tuck my shirt properly
White and crisp like how you told me
Pristine as silver, I will bear my clothes
As I edge closer and closer to being free

Smile as I pander to the life I'm leaving
Afterimages of warm hugs in the winter
Crossing against the torrent of tears
I have known to be cold but serene

To lie away with a bed of thorned roses
As the youth I sought to savour
Gradually fade unto the hug of you
On my first breath upon this world

To leave this earth ever so early
Sure is much peaceful than how I hoped
Seeing the rainbows we grew on our yard
Will soon be arching to your embrace

My favorite part of the day
Would be the lifeless stare
At the setting distant sun
As I pass another day older

Tears fall behind every drop
Of the rain I prayed to grief
Along the scars I trace within this shroud
Of a thing I used to be

In the dark I stray alone
With a match within my hand
To find the path I used to walk
Beside the shrouds I came to be

I cast the stone upon myself
And let it drum throughout my chest
I let the sound echo through my ears
Unto the heart I've known to fear

For a long time I tried
To hold on to these tears
All the while realizing
How each drop is a part of me
I could have saved

Dear and close to my heart
Are each memory I have of you
All undeniably good times
And they only get better and better
As time regrettably pass

I would not want to waste another day
Crying on the thought of us
Daydreaming maybe, just maybe
You would eventually find your way
Back to me, again

We could have been a beautiful story
Two platonic worlds colliding
But fantasies will always be
As disappointing as the life
I am struggling to live