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Kj Jun 2017
when we met i saw stars
and not just the ones in the sky
but the ones in your eyes
and the ones that danced in the air when you laughed
i waited days and weeks and months
before i asked what we were doing
to which you said things would happen
but you needed time, so nothing felt rushed
and since then you have told me
that you never felt a moment
that pushed you to be in a relationship...
i was a competitive swimmer for ten years
so, naturally, water is where i’m most comfortable
you say this and i think back to summer
where days were spent running in and out of the ocean
waist deep in water where i can still jump waves
only, this time i jump too soon and i’m thrown under-
i can feel the sand scraping my knees, my shoulders, my back
the salt burns and burns... and burns
i sit on the towel for a minute
but something calls me back to the water
because i know the burn
and i’d rather feel the burn
than never touch the ocean again
i’d take a hundred bad waves
for the salty smell and the sun in my hair any day.
this is just a bad wave.
i tell you not to worry
if you need time, take it;
i will tread the water and i will take the burn
because at some point it will get dark...
hopefully you’ll see the stars then too
Kj Apr 2017
you say you are afraid
afraid that something deeper
is going to end up hurting you
as it always does

but at what point
do you realize
you cannot have deeper
without the hurt

because the risk of pain
pales in comparison
to finding someone worth keeping
Kj Apr 2017
my fingers shook against the white buttons
perched at the hollow of your throat.
i stuttered through an apology
i was eighteen
and still hopelessly in love with you

and i know i gave you up
but there we were
lips against my cheek
thumbs against your hip bones
your shirt on the floor of the car
pink lace on the dashboard

i smiled at the face i knew
and the lips i'd missed
and the laugh i'd loved

you showed up a week later
a new blonde against your side

i still don't know what i should have said
Kj Apr 2017
my life is becoming a series of unfinished poems
there's one about the time
we walked home drunk
and kissed in the snow
I remember it so vividly
and there's one about the time you slept over
and how you held my hand
when you thought i was sleeping
but these poems are unfinished
likely because you and i
are unfinished business-
or rather, unofficial, unlabeled, I'm unsure-
I don't even know what we are
And I want to ask,
but then i remember that i am supposed to be the cool girl
the girl who does not care about what we are doing
and doesn't like labels
the girl who says "yes come over and drink"
but doesn't worry about what she'll confess when drunk
the girl who is okay with making out
but just calling this friends
the girl who doesn't ask questions
because she doesn't care about answers
but i am young and i am not the cool girl
i have never been the cool girl
questions to me are spaces to write answers
answers that i want to know
that i want to learn
that i want to hear
so please
just tell what this is. what we are.
i don't know why this seems to be so hard
Kj Apr 2017
when I think of you
I think of your eyes and the way you spooned me when you thought I was sleeping
I think of cinnamon whiskey and the time we stumbled home in the snow
I think of the bones by your hips and my hands tracing the freckles on your chest
I think of your space-heater skin and the sound of your laugh
and sometimes when I think of you
it's like I can't think at all
as if I'm too caught up in you to think straight
Kj Apr 2017
the last night we went out
you brought me white daisies.
they reminded me of when we met.
i left them on the counter,
and followed you to the car.
we came home- straight to my bedroom.
the next morning i tiptoed to the kitchen,
looking for you,
but instead i found the daisies all wilted and brown.
i thought you had the Midas touch of love,
but like the daisies,
i was dead the second you touched me.
*i wouldn't change a thing.
Kj Mar 2017
out
one day
i hope to meet someone
who makes me write the way you did
-but better-
no one else has gotten the words out
and i can feel them stuck inside
i want them out
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