I've always wanted a man
To make me a sandwich,
To cry like a girl,
To clean my house,
To let me drive his truck,
To listen to my ideas,
To corroborate instead of dominate
And make me feel his equal.

I've always wanted a relationship
To follow God's design.
I'll never be inferior
Even with a man at my side.

I've never believed modern women
Should 'be silent',
'Stay in their place'.
I lied to myself for years,
But religion should be disgraced.

Yeah,
Maybe I'm sensitive.
I won't laugh at these jokes
For the same reason I don't find
*** trafficking,
Domestic violence,
Or the fact that it took years for women to vote in this country
Funny.

You can laugh your way to a lonely life.

We make love
The way it should be.
I love you,
And you love me.
In asking for nothing
We're gaining everything,
My selfless lover.

In the passenger seat,
I'm watching you,
Squeezing your hand and laughing.
We're on the highway,
Headed toward a night
Of jolly celebrating.
For five months,
I've called you mine,
Sprinkling kisses
Where the sunset now rests.
You turn to me and grin,
Out comes a burst of giggles,
And I'm eight months in the past,
Not thinking of our future.
Your eyes that look my way
Become the set that glanced that night,
Our first date on a similar evening,
Once fearing,
Now beckoning moonlight.

My dear friend received a letter from you.
A note written by a deceived elder,
Whose words were motivated by goodness,
Sent out of your pastoral duty.
But, you must be oblivious to the hate in your ink.
A warning,
An invitation,
To excommunication.

Excommunication.
The threat found on your paper,
Missing from the Bible,
And your Book of Mormon,
And your Doctrine and Covenants.
Appropriate for legalistic religion,
But the polar opposite of Christ.

Fornication.
She left her father and mother
And is united to him.     1
Before each other,
They knew no one else,
Promised to each other
Forever.
Reminiscent of Abraham and Sarah,     2
Isaac and Rebekah.     3
God doesn’t see certificates,
But committed love.
Can you?

Alcohol.
Noah made use of his vineyard,     4
And Jesus made wine from water.     5
Encouraged for ailments,     6
A blessing bringing joy,
Can become sinfully abused.
God can tell the difference.
Can you?

Tattoos.
If she cannot mark her body with ink,     7
You cannot cut hair at the sides of your head,
Or the edges of your beard.     8
Were the vegetables in your garden,
Or the fruit from the market,
Forbidden for three years,
Before you ate them?     9
All these ancient commandments,
Are found in the same chapter.
Jesus looks passed them.     10
Can you?

Gossiping.
You have heard of rules broken,
Number those proven.
Your ear leaned toward gossips,     11
As you rejected the woman slandered.
God sees the people behind their sin.     12
Can you?

Hypocrisy.
Woe unto hypocrites,     13
Charlatans,
Frauds.
You deny communion to her,
But did you do the same for your daughter?
Was she rejected when she birthed your grandbaby,
A *******?
Or was your daughter, like my friend,
Repentant,     14
Tired of being told who God is,
In the throes of figuring God out?
When you partake of communion,
Are you worthy?     15
Jesus allowed Judas to partake of His holy sacrament,     16
And invites us all.     17
Can you?

She loves Jesus,
To whom she prays,
Her boyfriend,
Who sleeps by her side,
Her friends,
Who she shares an occasional drink with.
The tattoo on her foot,
Reads “Love”
In calligraphy as beautiful
As the love in her soul.
Jesus sees this.
I hope you see it, too.

Love your God with all your heart,
Soul,
Strength,
Mind.     18
Love your neighbor as yourself.     19
We both are praying for her,
But I’m also praying for you,
To know the God of love,     20
Who is jealous for her,     21
And for you.
He wants you to love Him,
And He wants to love on you,
But your worship of religion is getting in the way.
Stop your adultery,     22
And run back,
Prodigal Son,     23
To your true love,
Christ.
There’s room at His table for a sinner like you, me, her, and all.
And our Jesus,
He,
Alone,
Writes the invitations.
You are not to review,
Stamp,
And mail them.
But only to accept and share the One He sent to you.

*

1 Genesis 2:24; Genesis 2:30 (Inspired Version)
2 Genesis 11:29; Genesis 11:18 (Inspired Version)
3 Genesis 24
4 Genesis 9:20; Genesis 9:27 (Inspired Version)
5 John 2
6 2 Samuel 16:2, Proverbs 31:6, Mark 15:23, Luke 10:34, 1 Timothy 5:23
7 Leviticus 19:28
8 Leviticus 19:27
9 Leviticus 19:23-24
10 Romans 3:23-26
11 Proverbs 11:13, 20:19, 26:20-22
12 Isaiah 43:25-26
13 Matthew 23:13
14 1 John 1:9
15 1 Corinthians 11:27
16 Matthew 26:24-26
17 1 Corinthians 11:28
18 Luke 10:27
19 Matthew 22:39
20 1 John 4:8
21 Exodus 20:5
22 James 4:4
23 Luke 15:11-32

Mixtures of green, brown, and blue,
Different in the morning and afternoon.
Look into my steady, aqua eyes.
Don't dart away; show me your mind.

Give me what you're feeling.
My brain is spinning and reeling.
As soon as I register your color,
It switches madly to another.

Keep those wild eyes open,
So I can see the aura you've chosen.
I’d rather you scream at me,
Than keep me here wondering.

You make my day
Two hundred miles away.
I'm smiling to your corny texts,
Giggling to your message's melody.
But with hands coming together,
My skin aching for yours,
I'm waiting,
Waiting,
Waiting
For you to be here
Someday.

I don't disappear when life gets hard
Or push those I love away.
Christ didn't hide from the cross
Or shun men who went astray.

I want to touch you
Like pen to paper,
Making love
Like calligraphy.

When you're at my side,
All thoughts and fears aside,
Your arm around my waist,
And morning is your taste,
We need not worry,
What they think of our story.
Holding you at night
Feels nothing less than right.

God is our only witness
To our pure love, resulting happiness.
Why should we give a care
To hidden sinners' snares?
If only God can judge,
Then I will never budge:
When people gossip and criticize,
I'll regard them lies,
'Cause God gave me you,
And our purity is true.

So kiss me longer,
Feed the hunger,
Pull me even closer,
'Til night brings you slumber.
Satisfy your need,
Share scripture they should heed:

"I know and am persuaded
In the Lord Jesus
That nothing is unclean in itself,
But unclean for anyone who thinks it."

I love you.
Three words no wider than four letters long
That carry the whole weight of the universe.
Words we utter to each other so often,
Bystanders would consider them disingenuous.
But, baby, I mean every syllable.
When I look into your eyes,
When I watch you watching me,
My breath catches
And my heart feels oversized.
I try so hard to personify my love for you
In kisses, hugs, tugs, and strokes,
But kisses and hugs are created by candy makers
And tugs and strokes are done by artists.
Both of which, I most certainly am not.
However, I strive to convey my feelings for you,
Because I am sure of few things but this:
I am madly,
Ferociously,
Unbelievably,
Relentlessly,
Incandescently,
Everlastingly
In love with you.
I love you with a love that has never been given
From any other woman to a man.
I love you with an immortal love
That is once-in-a-lifetime
And can never be repeated.
Our love is holy,
Unconditional.
I. LOVE. YOU.

I’m next to you
Breathing,
Holding,
Kissing,
Caressing,
You.
Forehead to forehead,
Pupil to pupil,
Lost in your fickle irises,
And mine roll back
When I find myself in your smile,
And I sigh
Content,
At peace
With you.

But my face scrunches.
War breaks out in the creases of my eyes,
In the angle of my frown
As I dwell on your imminent departure
And reject the time between then
And the time we can snuggle like this forever.

Droplets gathering,
Magnifying freckles,
Your body is hugging mine.
Water is running down your face,
Catching my nose,
Sneaking to my mouth,
As my lips go pressing themselves
To your strong chin,
Fingers tracing your jawline.
Close your eyes, darling,
And let the water race.
Focus on my touch.
Let your body melt to mine.
Send away the space between us,
Let me lather you with love.

I didn't think I could love you more
Than I did that day
When I looked into your eyes
And let your giggles fall to the kitchen floor
And surround me,
With the realization that my life would lack everything
Without you there beside me.

I didn't think I could love you more
Than I did that day
When you threw all caution out the window.
I had washed the strep from my clothes and sheets
And made clear to you the boundaries for your safety,
But you kissed me stubbornly,
Full and passionately,
Risked your health just to be there with me.

I didn't think I could love you more
Than I did that day
When I cried on your shoulder
And told you all of my shameful secrets,
Not expecting you to forgive me or think of me the same,
But you wiped away my tears with a soft stroke of your hand
And told me you love who I was and who I am.

I didn't think I could love you more
Than I did today
When my family grew with the addition of yours.
I laughed until I cried with your cousin,
Held you close as we flew through the fields,
And I met your many morning wake-up calls and kisses
With dreams of our love-filled future.

I won't think I can love you more
Than I will that day
When we're all gathered together.
I'll watch you place the ring on my finger.
I'll tell you 'I do'
And I'll continue to love you more and more every day,
Although I'll never think it possible.

My head on his chest
Fingers drawing circles around his navel,
"You know how if the moon were any closer
Or any farther away,
Our tides would be outrageous?"
A smile creeps along his lips,
"Mmm-hmm."
"And if this earth were any closer
Or any farther way
From our sun,
We wouldn't have life?"
His "yes" trails off.
"Well, that's like you and I--
If you were any smaller
Or any bigger
We couldn't fit together perfectly like this."
He kisses my forehead
And pulls me closer.

When a girl dares to open
Her pretty, little mouth,
Think of mine
On yours so soft.

I know you're bashful,
Humble,
And shy.
But, hon, know
You're one attractive guy.

When she bats her eyes
And crosses her legs,
Point to your ring
With a smile on your face.

I love you, darling,
Like she never will.
You're handsome
And loyal,
And you're all mine.

Explain this love, please.
How can this be?
I'd give up my life to make sure you're happy.
When you're not with me,
This beating heart is empty.
This hand belongs in yours solely.
Science cannot tell me
This love is chemistry and biology,
Because my lips will forever seek yours only.
Then I think of our story divinely.
The Father, the Son, and the Spirit collectively.
God Himself answers my question relationally.
It's you and me,
With our God, our Love Trinity.

Anchormen every morning
Famed KC's three-sided hub.
Traffic northbound,
Southbound,
Eastbound,
Westbound.
Honks and blinkers all resound
In one ear and out the other,
Distant memories of highways
I'd never traveled nor cared about.

Now you've brought them meaning
I've passed over every road
Racing to you
Then cruising and dreading visits' endings.

Take me away from here.
I don't care where we go.
I just want your hand in mine,
As we explore the "more" I'm searching for.

Let me dance among tulips,
But keep me in your sight.
Watch me run toward the ocean,
But meet me on the shore.

Open your mind and heart with me.
Take all this newness in.
Savor these flavors 'fore they disappear.
Capture scenes with your mind's eyes.

One foot in front of the other.
Bring our bodies to new heights.
See the world from high above,
Then join me down below.

In a field,
Along the shore,
At the table,
Atop a mountain,
Under covers--
Take me.

I'll go anywhere with you.

Your finger through my belt loop
A smirk across your face
Your shared not stolen sorry
A deep, inviting gaze
A cord wrapped 'round your doorknob
Quick then deeper kiss
Your country songs
My hipster hums
A wide smile spans your face.

Running my hand across your cheek,
The ocean breeze through hair so sleek.
Kissing your face,
Rosy and beige,
The sunset over pacific wake.
Connecting the freckles that dot your shoulders,
The sand stretching the beach forever.
Wrapping your leg around my waist,
I’m suspended perpetually in this wave,
The anchor demanding this vessel to stay.

Lips parting and melting into mine,
As if we’ve soaked up too much sunshine.
The stars and all those galaxies,
Gently revealing their light to me.
Your wide smile,
Your bursts of giggle,
The moonbeam reflecting off water for miles.
Your saccharine smell,
Your pleasant taste will tell,
Of the perfume on the wind
That the tide is bringing in.
And I’m leaning into your whispering,
Words spilling from the deep,
The bubbles from ocean trenches sneak.

Realizing I’ve been camping in the cold,
Coastal temps have been too bold.
Enduring these long summer nights,
Eager for your early sunrise,
Wishing to be ever caught in your undertow,
To never letting go
And finding treasures galore,
In you, my sea shore.

As children in my playhouse,
You climbed and crawled around me.
I did not retain much
Except your joyful,
Distant
Playing.

I remember your great swing set.
You bring to mind my violin.
Regardless of few memories,
You were wildly
Within.

My small hands gripped toys.
Yours pushed off floor and wall.
I was invisible to you then
And your budding
Attention span.

Your eyes darted to and fro
And curls bounced up and down.
Nothing held your attention long
Except your untamed
Singsong.

Fast-forward to the present,
Over a decade later.
We’re laughing uncontrollably,
Dancing through
Hose water.

I was scrubbing my car’s hood.
You were rinsing the passenger door,
Both of us
Occupied
As we’d been
Before.

Your chin rose from the stream.
My arm circles slowed.
Our eyes locked,
And time stood still,
Child’s play
Revoked.

I was nothing to you,
Then I disappeared.
Years brought us maturity.
And reconnection,
Love.

Mornings greet me frantically
With persistent beeping,
And my hand reaches groggily
For more time to be sleeping.

My finger finds the snooze
Once, twice, thrice
As if I have all day to lose.
A few more minutes will suffice.

But this unusual morn,
My lids part to silence.
I turn over forlorn
From the emptiness of your absence.

You make my night,
Then play in my dreams.
When I wake to first light,
I expect you next to me.

I prop up my body,
Scan the pillows with my eyes,
My vision so foggy,
Believing my mind’s lie.

I rest my head back in place
And smile as I figure,
One day you’ll fill that space
When a ring is on my finger.

I left a city of comfortable people
To experience God away from your steeple.
God is as vast as the clear, South Dakota sky,
Bigger than the sins of nonbelievers and their lies--
Petty problems tearing everyone apart.

He is greater than misquoted scripture,
Emotional phrases by judgmental hypocrites.
Yes, hallelujah to the Christ!
Go ahead and sing Kumbaya with all you've got.
You're trying to bring yourself closer to a God
Who is all around you.
Please stop to listen to yourself and your crew,
The truth is that you're limiting Him.

He's more than your facade and your two-dimensionality.
I'd rather believe in a God of mystery--
A God of gray.
I'm glad to have left your City of Black and White.
My God isn't boring,
He's infinite.

Hold me close.
Kiss me hard.
Wrap me in your passionate arms.
Let your tears run to my hair.
Mine have certainly beaten yours there.

You may not see me for months.
I may not see you for weeks,
So press those lips against my cheek.
Let them leak your words so sweet.

Look into my yearning eyes.
Allow yourself to join my cry.
Whisper all your promises,
Because I have not left yet.

When words are not mine
And I let go of invented ownership,
I am,
Instead,
Merely a steward.
They come more beautifully,
Of their own accord,
Willingly,
Flying through the air
To land on my finger,
For my heart to put them in order
And piece them together.

I may not rhyme
Or make a statement,
But I will breathe these words
Until justice is done,
When my sigh is complete,
And I have represented every feeling,
With genuineness,
And honesty,
On this page,
When I have exhausted the
Integrity
Of my soul
From overuse.

It,
I once believed,
Was a disease,
A contagious plague
And that everyone around me quickly
Fell victim.

It,
A syndrome to which I was
Immune,
Resilient,
Impervious.
But now I see.
It is a rarity,
Not just a symptom of feeling
But a way of being.

It
Is not affected by medicine.
An antibiotic dissipates
The blight that is infatuation.
But passion is temporary
With symptoms
Hugs,
Kisses,
Caresses,
That are yet signs of It.

It
Is instead fed by life,
Does not infect,
But cleans and washes anew
The few people on this earth
Blessed to have their life completely changed by It
Forever.

It
Is love.

A surprise competition.
Why do I decide to lose?
I remove myself from the situation
And see she's who he should choose.

She's beautiful,
Good,
The same age;
Shared childhoods.

She's the one Mom loves
The girl to keep her son at home
I'd be fine with the above
Except his heart also sings her hum.

What a story they'd retell
With me a minor character,
A rising action,
An unintentional match-maker.

My life about to fork.
From a hopeful, "Come with me."
To a plot-twisting,
"Go pursue her."

I'm grappling with insecurities
Wanting all of him to love me.
His mother and his memories
Are pulling at his strings.

But he's not budging.
He's here holding me.
Tell me this isn't temporary.
I need him to choose me--
Over and over
I can't share him with her.

I run through Your meadows,
Climb up Your trees.
Is it that I'm chasing You?
Or are You chasing me?

I trip on my journey,
You're the moss between rock and knee.
I reach too high,
You're the branch underneath.
I'm running to or from Your mercy,
But it's all around me.

You command oceans to rise,
Direct lightning where to strike.
How can You be the same God Who gives grace,
The same God Who sets free?

I've been running so hard,
But the race finished long ago.
Thank You for stilling my feet,
So I can stand here and know
That Christ is sufficient for me.

When I'm missing you,
I'll see you running towards me in the rain,
Sneaking in the back door just to see my face,
I'll hear you singing your heart out at church,
Your joyful smile turning to me,
I'll feel your weight evenly distributed
And the mole on your back under your tee,
I'll taste your morning kisses
When you came up the ladder to wake me,
I'll smell your thick and dark hair
As I kissed your head resting on my chest.
When I'm missing you,
You'll still be with me.

I've felt stress
Daily.
But the load has never this bad, baby
My head is pounding
My stomach is twisting and burning
I want to wake up in your arms
I want to be reminded every morning that you're there to save me
From myself
But I can't save the world in bed with you

I'm getting everything I want
But I can't have it all together
My head is cloudy
Worries flying to the forefront of my consciousness
Each stressor fighting for my attention
My shoulders aren't broad enough to carry the load
It's spilling from my eyes
And landing on the corners of your perfect mouth
I try to localize the pain within my arms' reach
So nobody else gets hurt
But you've stepped into my arms
And I'm letting you taste it from my lips

What do I want?
Without the factors?
I want to come home to you every day
Starting right now
But I can't...without changing your well-established life
And I don’t expect you to follow me
But I pray to God that you wait for me
As I pack my schedule
Work tens of states away
Study with hundreds of miles in between us
I hate feeling like I'm choosing this over you
Truth is, I want to stay with you more than any of this.
When I’m with you
There’s no way to fail and nobody to disappoint
You’re safe and I WANT TO STAY HERE
My heart is telling my head, stomach--every part of me
That I want you this summer and always
But I'm working and studying for more than myself and even for you—my favorite part of life
In Maine I truly feel like I'm contributing to science, toward a cure for glaucoma
As an optometrist, I'll be able to help thousands of patients see the world
I can't possibly be in this for the money, either
I'm taking so many hits in the process of trying to make the biggest impact I can on this world
I’m a bundle of insecurities with a bizarre responsibility to use what little I have to make lives after mine better
It’s why I pick so many battles
Care so much about politics
Organize all of these committees
Kiss babies and stare off into their futures
Decide to uncomfortably go out and softly tell my truths
It’s why I chose to be a scientist and a doctor.
But it’s costing us—and it kills me that it’s costing you, too.
You’re a main character in this crazy, transitional chapter of my life
And I hope you’ll stay for the rest of my book.

For most
Rain brings gloom,
Sadness, pain.
As the sky greys
Darker and darker,
Rain pounds noisily
On rooftops
In annoyance.
But
The rivers swell,
Plants become turgid
As love does the same
To my heart.
Drops gather in your hair,
Form small streams on your face,
And I ache.
Not from weather-induced melancholy
But from the desire to be those drops.
For my fingers to be planted atop your head,
My hands to run down your face,
Then your arms,
Reaching for your heart.
For your soul.
Cloudy skies bring me hope
That we'll get stuck in the downpour
Together,
Holding each other
As ponds hold the runoff,
Wishing the sun stay hidden
From this moment,
Unable to evaporate this love.
This powerful, thunderous, raining
Love.

My man likes to giggle—
Mr. Optimism,
His smile unmistakable and broad,
With a contagious look on the bright side.

He completes what is required
And lays back to enjoy the rest of the ride,
While life has got me on edge.
I work long past his bedtime.

He sees life behind a lens
That supersedes his passion for pictures.
My man simply admires me
As I spend time analyzing him.

This doctor fell for an artist.
I thought he’d be a lawyer-type.
But what I thought I wanted
I’d now be dreading.

Because I love driving home
To embracing arms and long kisses,
An eager ear and nodding face,
No negativity, demands, or competition.

I’d rather my man love me enough
To laugh at jokes not understood
Than to talk over me
And criticize me for being different.

When he and I started dating,
Our similarities stood blatant,
But now our differences are evident,
And I love him all the more for them.

An hour-twenty away
Yet I can't find the time or day
Between work, school, and responsibilities
To burn oil all the way to your place.

I'm constantly on the go.
The time I have is spent hating this flow,
Wrapped up in insecurities,
Feeling like I'm failing at everything

But your arms offer complete release,
Lounging around and being me--
A me I don't have time to be,
Anywhere else but on my knees.

How am I supposed to be happy away from you?
Send me a text and Snapchat a few?
The only idea that softens my brow,
Is a picture of our life together years from now.

I'm running through the door
To your meadow.
Tall grass of green
Sprinkled with yellow.
My feet sink in soil so soft.

I'm crossing over the white picket fence
To your ocean.
Oysters with life.
My tears add to salt water.

I’ll make my bed
If we can mess it up later.
I’d rather you and I be tangled up in the sheets
Than I neatly tucked in without you.

Toe to toe,
Grasping, caressing.
Chest to chest,
Stretching, curling.
Waist to waist,
Yearning, pleasuring.
Lips to lips,
Inhaling, exhaling.
Mind to mind,
Learning, loving.

I'm dancing with my Muslim friend,
Tutoring with a lesbian,
Sharing quotes with the physics kid,
Night-running through campus lit,
Dreaming of journeys from deep within,
And nothing at all feels alien.

I see your future in my neighbor,
The lanky older gent,
Whose smile as he walks on by
Is nothing less than heaven-sent.

I see him walking on our road,
Towering over is little wife,
Her arms are pumping,
And he is waving,
Beckoning me
Look
At our later life.

I had always wondered
Why his lady was so sour,
Eyes stuck on the street
Just continuing her saunter.

This was before I knew
Dementia ailed her,
But her man is persistent
In making memories
Into their future.

The first time I saw him frown
Was when they were apart.
Never had I seen one without the other,
Their love,
Enduring art.

He’s faithful,
Loving,
Caring,
Kind,
And she will keep forgetting
All he does for her
Until she reaches the other side.

I want to believe that our life together
Will come without pain,
Without suffering,
But my neighbor
Down our lane
Shows me
It doesn’t matter,
The strife we encounter,
As long as we’re together.

You’ll watch over me.
I’ll take care of you.
No matter what comes our way,
This love is here to stay.

My heart is at the origin,
Yearning to follow the radius,
To pass the arc
On the circle of exploited feelings,
The circle in which he can't be found.

"Don't get in your own way."
My eyebrows furrowed
Then raised as I nodded,
Mouth curled,
"Do you know what I'm trying to say?"
Heavy lids,
Eyes wet with understanding,
"Yes, absolutely."
I sighed,
Smiled,
And let my heart soar.

My lips are sore.
I didn't see what you had in store.
I'm standing up and heading toward the door,
But you pull me back for more.
I'm doing what's right but being ignored,
So you must not be the one I'm destined for.

Our relationship
Has its ups,
Its downs,
But if I were to flip
Through photographs
Of You
And me,
There would be no frowns.

I called on You many times,
Left long, lengthy voicemails.
And You always returned them,
Leaving messages,
And I,
Overlooking,
Failed
To receive them
Until now.

Thanks to
Jesus
For giving You my messages,
Forgiving my tone of voice.
Thank You
For hearing my pleas
And choosing to
Disregard
My curses,
My blunders,
My Job-like accusations.
It was when I found myself
Separated from You
That I realized,
You’ve been with me
Through this whole
Journey.

You’ve given me a Book
To let me know that I am
Forever
Written in
Yours,
That my Savior
Has my name
In the scars on His hands
In the imprint of His heart.


When the phone stops ringing,
Your personal message
Lovingly
Directs
Me
To take out the scrapbook and
Reflect,
To look at our photos,
You and I
Smiling,
Read Your
Word,
Soak in every
Beautiful
Phrase.
And be
Glad,
Rejoice!
For I am Yours.
And You will come back to me
Soon.
You’ve taken out the downs,
With One
Eternal
Up.
Grace.

Warm and sunny now
But still frigid in mountains
Choosing swim or ski.

Writing in pencil
Fear of mistakes and blunders
Finally scribbling in ballpoint.

Words in confidence
Met with silence or brief sounds
Noise of a listener.

Destination mind
Frustrated by journeying
Time to live positively.

Tennis scholarship
Mix of love of game with coin
Passion lost in season.

Summer sweat and laughs
Racket in hand, ball bouncing
Serving to future.

The point, comma, dot
Separating, ending, stop
Punctuation--final.

Useless helping hand
Without smiles, kind words, or love
Generosity.

Before I knew you,
When I was dreaming of you,
I watched you.
I looked into your life,
At your friends in your photographs,
And I wished I had the honor to join them,
To be an important piece of your life.
How magical it is,
How beautiful it is,
To be underneath your arm now,
Laughing at your friends' jokes,
Closer to you than they ever will be,
My best friend and lover.

The other night
I fell asleep slowly then suddenly,
Day-dreams of you molding into my slumber.
In between light and deep sleep,
Just after my eyes flutter closed,
I see you approaching me,
Your eyes steadfast on mine,
Your smile unending,
I feel your hands on my waist,
Your arms embracing,
More vivid than the blankets enveloping me.
You spend all day with me,
And you follow me home
To play with me in my dreams.
With you miles away,
We fell asleep.

Growing up being told you're smart,
Making straight A's,
Hitting those marks;
You started to believe you were something great.

The truth is,
Tens of thousands of valedictorians graduate every year.
Most don't change the world
In the way you wanted to.
Some become parents,
Work those 9 to 5 jobs;
Too busy living a typical life,
Not studying or traveling abroad.

You thought you were different.
Now can't you see?
To **** the marrow out of life
Is to live privately,
And the attention you seek
Will come from friends and lovers locally.

I'm running,
Panting,
Arms pumping hard.
I don't know where I'm sprinting to,
But I know what I'm running from.

You're the most complicated problem
I've ever tried to solve.
You're the best at hide-and-seek
And somehow I've hidden you
Under piles of rhetoric
Religiosity,
Philosophy,
Science,
Shame.

Tell me I'm Yours.
Help me feel like I don't have to be sorry,
Like you've already forgiven me
Before my heart begins to sink.

I can't love the way I want to love You
Until I accept the love You have for me.
I'm tired of pushing it away,
Of pushing You away.

I go back in time
When I look at a picture
And feel as I did even clearer.

Look at how happy
But shaking with fear.
Let's flip pages to now, to here.

The happenings behind his eyes
Are in the open and real,
In his actions, words--so surreal.

He's teaching me to drop my worries,
To embrace all valid emotions.
His logic completely discourages confusion.

"Can I love again?"
Yes, in fact, stronger than before.
It's spiritual, humbling--I'm unconditionally adored.

He's fearless and giddy,
Can't see my reservations.
He blindly removes them, my liberation.

Tell me all your secrets,
All your mysteries.
What is going on
Behind your furrowed brows,
Behind your eyes,
Watching me so lovingly?
What are you thinking?

You sprinkle me with kisses.
I taste your sweet tongue.
Our lashes dance together.
Cheek to cheek,
We embrace each other.
We're so close,
But I want to be nearer.

You’ve given me your heart,
But the words written upon it
Are foreign to me.
Read to me
My friend,
My lover,
My hero.
I want to know all of you.

I find the perfect pair of shoes,
Work hard,
Earn the money
To buy them,
So I can run around in them
And fall on my face.