There's always more that could have been done.
But I think I walked away just in time.

I remember the nights I would stand in between you,
your drunken fists creating waves,
I was trying to protect you from yourself,
and after all I ended up saving no one
and all I was left with was a fistful of hair and gravel
I could say that you had given me nothing,
but really you showed me parts of myself
and even then I did not want to recognize
There were nights when I didn't know who you were
You wanted to start a family,
but between the sober and drunk conversations
Everything blurred together,
I didn't realize then that love should not feel like this
A lump in the gut of your stomach,
and all the quiet silence that followed
I was someone, I sacrificed myself in ways
that I had never before
Committing crimes against my own body
How could you tell me now that you have
fallen in love with someone you barely know?
I want to peel my skin back and find
out what hides underneath,
who am I as a woman that I couldn't
give you what you need?

I don't have much to say these days,
but I think it's because I have too much
waiting to be said

in the end,
i will have nothing to show for this
a sister who loves me long after i'm gone,
you had already taken down the pictures
of us, and the novel love letters,
i had written you so many,
i thought maybe you would appreciate
how much i tried to appreciate you,
but you never let me know
and while you are happy,
i am at a complete crossroads,
but at least one of us

came out of this alive

We planted flowers for you, Jane,
and the rich soil, wind on my face,
sun on my back, and earth worms
sliding in between my fingers,
all reminded me of life...

*You are still very much
alive.

You told me I was the glue that's
holding everything together,
I never asked for this title,
I never wanted to be the center,
All I can think of is standing
in the middle of all of this
chaos, all I can think of is
my mind, heart, and body
absorbing every last drop
of negativity...
The selfishness,
The names,
The substance abuse,
and the ***** **** water,
The sins that lie in secret,
begging not to be found,

Lay it all on me,
I will soak everything up,
Like a sponge,
Like a buffer,

I will make it all better,
I won't let this fall apart,
or fray at the edges,
but GOD,
I am so very

tired.

I wanted to sing you to sleep,
But along with my heart, you took my voice.