I closed my eyes and realized,
you were STILL there.

If I could never talk to you again,
I would be okay with that,
and even if you're my father,
I have no problem telling you
that you failed in doing
what you were
meant
to
do.

You always try to fix me,
this time, please don't.
-

The search feels never-ending,
If there are "amillionfishinthesea,"
then why am I still alone?

i.
We would sleep, but never touching,
your sheets were always cold,
your room dark, like a thick blanket

You told me tonight that all you
wanted to do was hold me in your arms,
I didn't know if this was the truth
or the ***** speaking your sentiments
for you

ii.
You have been out with women,
women who I'm sure were beautiful,
who were possibly more expressive,
more full of life,
able to offer you what I couldn't
but still, you said
that you were left with
comparisons
and that every time

I won.

So, you're probably going to tell me that I'm crazy.
But nothing ever made sense between the both of us,
I remember sitting on the beige carpet,
My legs splayed out behind you,
Facing you full force, but still feeling like you had
no idea who I was.
That's how it always ended.

You never looked into my eyes,
you saw me, but never who was underneath.
I would beg you to look at my hurt,
Understand it, "please try to understand."
And you would just stand there,
offer your arms to embrace me,
but it never made anything
better.

I know I'm not crazy,
I just know how to love to the complete
fullest
and maybe...
Maybe, that was something you just
couldn't handle.
But either way,
it tore me apart.

Sometimes, when I feel like I'm sinking,
I'll let myself go
all
the way
to the bottom
just to find the release,
just to feel like even though I
am pressed in on all sides,
I am still protected
and the black
was always
more comforting

then anything else,

then you