Maybe my fault was loving you too much
because, darling, you are such a beautiful human
and our souls will forever be intertwined
but if you must go for now, i understand
just know, on the other side i will be waiting

there are rocks in the pit of my stomach

the ones you put there

maybe you were hoping they would help me drown

You left

Like I was something to be forgotten

And maybe I am.
just another thing to forget

my soul is suffocating
as your cold hands clasp around it
finger by tightening finger all of me is fading

I am screaming out but no one hears me
my throat is becoming hoarse
my stomach is shrinking
everything i was is withering away

I shouldn't write this
because you might read it

but these words that are threatening to spill from my mouth will be spilled from my fingers instead

and you will be mad that a bunch of strangers are reading this

but

one night you stumbled in drunk telling me i was the only one you wanted to fall asleep next to

this was said after you told me you were tired of me

after you told me I disgusted you

so please make up your mind

I wrote a poem for you the other day
but ill never give it to you
just like i wrote you a letter everyday that i felt your memory swipe at my brain stem that month of june

you left foot prints when you walked out unknowing that i could follow you
but as time wore on the foot prints began to fade and you began to as well

Nevermind that

I have a thing for the tops of mountains
I like to stand on the hood of my car and let the wind chill my spine as i wait for the next thing to happen
we are always waiting for the next thing to happen

arriving like students on the first day of school
arriving like 1 a.m.
arriving like you never did

and at first I thought i could fix you  

I thought i could fix you when he threw me into that car
I thought i could fix you when he called me a ****
I thought i could fix you

and then i began to think that you were fixing me

but i dont think the grunting acknowledgement i got everytime i told you something from the darkest pit on the left side of my body is really considered fixing

it was just nice to say the nightmares out loud

I dissolved into a ****** wrapper in a landfill
cracked my ribs open and invited you in

sharks cant live in the air and we cant breathe in water

but i

i breathe you

And you touched me like i was acid
like i would burn your skin if your finger tips lingered too long

I wish, baby

cause then maybe we wouldnt have dragged it out this long
maybe then you would have run away like i did every time i closed my eyes

we were not human we were clothespins airing out our cloaks of emotions on the line

We were strung up like telephone wires fleeing one city for the next in hopes of a fresh start

I wrote yes on my forearm and no on my hand

I carry the guilt
like the devil is on my shoulder

I didn't mean to steal your thunder
you should have never been put on the back burner

you were my warrior
in the battle that became

I just wanted to be like you
envied the strength that you portrayed

Just know
that you deserve everything you came to be

I still have yet to make peace with the past
and to do that
can we go back to the beginning?

rewrite the past
to leap into the future