I cannot protect you

not like you protected me

my body was giving into the darkness of my brain

and now your body is giving into itself

nerve by nerve

muscle by muscle

you are fading

you have lost control

you have lost your freedom

and that is the saddest story i have ever told

Honey, you said
I hope this kills me
not at a slow dance pace
but quickly

Honey, you said
I hope this kills you
not at a slow dance of a pace
but quickly

Genes
every one is a gamble
what makes a human who they are
and the terrifying part is so much is still in question

what we will become is unknown
percentages, chances,
the odds are a gamble

and as I watch you
i cant help but pray to god the odds are in my favor

this mutation has taken over your body
shedding pound after pound
each nerve stressed to its limit
each muscle begging to give in

fingers curled and toothpick legs fighting to find their footing
a brain that is losing memories faster than they were created

the body will only endure this kind of pain for so long

and as i watch you
i cant help but pray to god the odds are in my favor

I will swallow your memory until we meet again
in the future where your ghosts and mine align

I have grown up you see
in a limbo of half way there and almost here

and someday soon our opposite worlds will align

She told me that she is the reason I am alive
like she takes the credit for the fight I went through

but what she doesn't realize is
she wasn't there when the electricity coursed through my brain
I woke up alone to a nurse shaking me, telling me I was ok
I couldn't dress myself
I was wheeled to the curb and into the trust of a stranger
I had to ask the cab to stop on so i could ***** in the street
she wasn't there when I couldn't remember yesterday

But she takes credit for the fight I went through

I keep my sneakers by my bed in case i need to run away from these nightmares
the ones where the ghosts of my past come chasing me down
clawing at my skin to get inside of me
forcing their way down my throat to consume me

i keep my sneakers by my bed so my nightmares can't catch up with me

look
i know I'm too much
too kind
too curious
too sensitive
too emotional
but i will weather the storm
the one that is breaking between us
the one where i am too afraid that i might lose you i won't blink
for in that second i may lose you

look
you need to realize
everyone that came before you left
had an excuse
i will sabotage myself until the world rocks off its axis
but i will not let go of you

so please stay and the world will align again
and the stars will shine
and i will know that you are here