Most of my favorite clothes
Were bought at a thrift store

It is difficult for me to have a
Friendship
With a person who has
Low self-esteem
I have a hard time trusting
Someone who does not like
Themself

God, in Her infinite wisdom
Made spiders very small
I think I speak for everyone...
"Thank you, from us all!"

I'm not sure I believe the story
About the three wise men
It sounds great, but I swear
I'm not sure there's ever been three wise men
Together anywhere

The pen may be mightier than the sword
But the strongest of all
Is the heroic keyboard

He's got this way of saying exactly the best thing
Without even trying
I think that's the only way
His way is
The only way

I had a notebook
Yellow paper
Which I usually wouldn't go with
But there was something about this notebook
I put my poems in there
I lost that notebook
That is my personal
Library of Alexandria

It can't be only me coming across these creeps!
(Please see ***** commenter guy in poem previously shared)

I'm sorry your fragile ego can't handle the obvious

If I tell you that I want to die
Will you listen then?
What if I say that I'm just sad
And could really use a friend
Must I self-depreciate
To get your ****** attention
Pretend that it's myself I hate
To spark your intervention
I am mostly happy
But still, I'm sometimes sad
Apparently not good enough
At dwelling on the bad

Uuuuiuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!  Dangnabbit!

That dude made me pull out the emojis

Hey
Wouldn't it be great if America disarmed it's citizenry?
What an easy invasion that would be

Your mother could die
And it is entirely possible
The hospital will charge you for
Parking

You're trying so hard to be disagreeable, it is coming across as paynoattentionable.  
Disagreement is healthy in reasonable doses
But apparently it can become addictive
I think it's because you value debate
And so do I
But debating over whether the ants on the sidewalk are carrying crumbs of bread or cake is futile and a snoozefest
But I gotta say
I like you so much better then the other one
Who immediately blocks at any sign of debate
And I'd much rather invite you to the party, than I would the different other one, who only always agrees.  
So, I suppose this is all *******,
And I really hope you'll stay exactly as you are

This Boy done disappeared on me
I know he'll be back soon
Shortly he will need a fix
Of what only I can do
I keep him on no leash, you see
For I know there is no need
All women in the world
None of them can be like me

The thing is
God made the atheist, too
That's more a riddle, than a poem
Or maybe just an observation

Whenever I see a dog lick itself
I can't tell if I'm disgusted
Or jealous

It's hard for me
As a lover of the written word
To see a grammar mistake
And not point it out
Not because I want to be a know it all
But because I want others to know it, too.

It's a hold on my brain
But also it's opposite
In that it is expanding what was there
Not a hold, but still....a hold
In that my brain goes there more than anywhere else
It could be that time looses the reins
Or takes them to it's chest
Either or, I'm looking forward.
(Ps...I put that looses there on purpose.  I know it ain't right)

Today is one
In which most seem to be Walking
Under a dark cloud
Or two

I dont even want to know what iambic means
It sounds like something medical I might try if **** were impacted in my intestines.

***** is the smartest thing
That does not have a brain
They can swim upriver
(And sometimes back, again)
Those little brainless buggers
Have so much to do
And thankfully they did it
To make me and you

You expect him to betray
He's a boy
That's what they do
According to you
You predict
A bunch of ****
And wonder why "everyone" dumps on you
If I treat someone like they're going to turn into a *******
They will surely get sick of it
I will have forced a guy like he
Painted into the corner of my prophecy

Come on, baby
I gotcha number
I know you got mine, too
So many swishy, squishy things
The two of us could do
Dig our toes into the sand
Get lost all night in Neverland
Get beamed up, and Scotty too
(Though we'll ditch him, it's only us two)
Find some old time sweet beat box
Dance until we wear out our socks
Hit the ol' pinball machine
And at the pool table we try to keep it clean
Laugh and dance until nearly two
First dates gotta end sometime boo.

Oops

Talking just to talk
I can't explain it
Really
Saying the same thing
People say every day
Without doing it in a different way
Most of what I say is white noise

If you are feeling small
Unloved
And less than nothing
All you have to do is attempt suicide
And some *******
Hello Poetry
Will tattoo your name
Right on her body
Just please try not to
Actually die
While attempting suicide

This is my poem
Right here
These three lines

BUT.....(In faint writing that I can't figure out how to use)
The author holds all ownership of this poem. And no responsibilities, of course.  But if anyone recreates or copies any part of this poem, you're gonna be in BIG trouble.  Seriously!  Don't try me, because I will bring the hellfire of the whole copyright laws right down on your sorry head.  I know my poem was only three lines, but I'm adding this twelve paragraph disclaimer so you know I am a serious author...you know, the kind someone will certainly plagiarize unless I add this very, very, very long disclaimer.  I'm not sure if it is actually effective to do this, but it seems official, and makes me feel like a real writer.  By the way, I'm plagiarizing this disclaimer.

You describe yourself
And I can't help but notice
You have no idea who you are

I'm watching a documentary about a company that makes What they call "*** robots."
The male one is called "Harry Harddrive"
He has a huge *****
And no tongue
Seems like a waste of money to me
(Eleven thousand dollars!)

Insatiable itches
Become demanding *******

We depict babies
Shooting people
With arrows
As if it is saintly
And wonder why
There are shootings
In school

Titillating poem titles
Is poetry
In itself

I'm forever stalking someone
And totally give myself away
By commenting on something
They posted four months ago.

She complains to you how she's so fat
So you'll tell her that she's so slim
Backwards fishing for compliments
And the line is way too thin
But you better disagree with her
As soon as she drops the bait
If you don't, it will be you
Who tells her she's overweight

Wise ***
Slow to pay a compliment
But when he does
It ranks among the best
Ever
Political thinker
Without any politics
Quick-witted
Quick tempered
Smart
But not smart enough to
Take a breather
Calm down
The boy is sticky sweet

Yup
The eighty three line poem
All about how you never
Think about him anymore

Not another Christmas poem
Oh, excuse me...am I still allowed to say Christmas?
Let's begin again
Not another holiday poem
Filled with candy canes and trees
Instead, i want to hear the tradition of families
What makes Christmas (holdays?)  different
We all know what's the same
Please give us your Christmas (holidays)
By any other name

So many, many people work so hard to buy it all
I'm still waiting for the day I see a hearse followed by a Uhaul.

Dancing
While all of her Boyfriends are Stepping
And having a real good time
...for a while

I don't want to be a
Know-it-All
But I think it is
Imperative
That every adult
Should sing
"This Little Light of Mine"
With a child under ten
At least more than once

Please pay no attention to the last share.  It is plagiarized, and I'm trying to get it so the real writer has access.
(See Nat....you were right.)

Convenience and entertainment has turned us all into hypocrites.
We all want to save the world
But the task too big to even try
Plus, plastic bags are so convenient
And Styrofoam keeps coffee hot longest

I always get nervous whenever I hear the words, "I'm gonna make an exception, for you."

In poetry
You can do whatever you want
You can pull a Dr. Seuss
And create a skiddelybont
You can travel to the future
And also back in time
You can imagine you're a unicorn
Or even be divine
In poetry
The world is yours to mold
Warm, sunny nights
Or stuck out in the cold
But it is no bother
The trials you may find
Are over as soon as the next poem
Forms itself within your mind

Just talk about how amazingly awesome poets are.  
Your poem will be loved wide and far

Hey, Mr. Risk Taker
You thought there was no deal breaker
But, like the gambler you are
You pushed it way too far
Even with all those cards I hold
You forced this girl to fold

It wasn't that your poem was too long
....
Yes
Yes
It was really too long
And repetitive
But hey, I am just an amateur
So keep up with the epics
And ignore the skeptics

The most profound words
Throughout history
To me:
And maybe to you:
"Forgive them, Father
They know not what they do"