I'm about to reveal to you the worst rhyme ever uttered...
Get ready, here it comes
And please avoid excited jitters
The worst rhyme ever uttered is....
"Spitters are quitters"

Cigarettes are so expensive
Yet, I buy them; I've still got my pride
I want everyone to know
I can afford my own slow suicide

Cleavage stands in for a pretty face
A nice *** hides a terrible heart
We're so odd, this human race
Our bodies are fraudulent art

My sugar daddy turned out to be salt
I could blame him, but it's my own **** fault
I should have known enough to see
There's no such thing as a sugar daddy
There's only creepy guys
Who think that they can buy their lies

He's the guy who sent his **** pic
Before one of his face
I rolled my eyes, and pressed delete
He's lost to cyberspace
Later one public user inquired of his worth
I had to read the comments
The best one was the first
With dead pan wit, one woman said
he's a real *******

You'd think I wouldn't want to be
Somebody's Nobody
But it's far more preferable, you see, to Nobody's Somebody

Have you ever noticed
The only wild animals which flourish
In human's company
Are the pigeon and the rat?
Have you ever noticed
Now what do you think of that?

Who else but a poet
Can use words like "behold" or "doth"
Without standing on a stage
Acting out a Shakespeare play?

Could somebody please hit the "don't like" button?
It's such a simple request
But if there's a "don't like" category
I hope to do it best
(Plus, I'm curious to see what happens)

Please, please, please
Give a like to me
I know that this is shameless
But I want it desperately
I might not have the talent
But I may have the charm
Just hit that thumbs up button
After all, what is the harm?
It takes very little effort
And will cost you not one thing
Just think of all the happiness
Your like is gonna bring
Please, please, please
Give a like to me

My first love was a boy named Zebba
He was really sweet
My first kiss was a boy named Rainbow
Magic when our lips did meet
My first date was with Woody
We went to see Joan Jett
I'm still looking for the love of my life
But I haven't met Agamemnon yet

Don't ever, ever, ever
Profess to love someone
Unless you're comfortable
To **** in front of them
If you don't follow this advice
You'll just be telling lies
And, let's face it
False love lies
Are among the worst of kinds

I tried to write a poem
About the way that music moves me
But I couldn't find one thing to rhyme with "blissful jungle boogie"

I'm pretty sure
Though may be wrong
But I'll give it a whirl
I really doubt there's such a thing
As a "high class" call girl

At what point did we agree that *** was number one
And poo was number two
Poor poo, forever relegated
To be in second place
No wonder that it stinks so bad
The revenge of solid waste

I was molested by a neighbor
When I was five, or maybe three
Although I finally got it back
That creep took something from me
I tried to tell my nana
But quickly put that idea upon the shelf
I could tell from her expression
She was going to blame herself

I've stopped shaving my armpits
Protesting these gender norms
I don't shave my legs either
I refuse to conform!
I think you girls should join me
In solidarity...
Oh, who the hell am I kidding
I'm just being lazy

She makes tie dyed shirts
And wears Birkenstocks...
Well....you know the rest

I'm the curious wanderer
Your mom warned you about
I'd love to stay here with you
But I've got new trails to scout
I could promise you the world
And to love you with all my might
But I'm afraid I must admit
Your mama was probably right

The saddest thing a man ever said to me was
"I love you more than anything"

Poets have magical powers
Though they'll never tell you so
They can list all your faults
Right to your face
And you will never know
You'll get so caught up
In the beauty of their style
They'll flat out call you a bafoon
And you'll just sit there and smile

Everyone is mean to me
I heard her oft complain
Everyone always causes me
Nothing but hurt and pain
Everyone just hurts me
That's what people do
I didn't know how to tell her
If it's everyone, it's you

When people say "go **** yourself"
I don't think they intend good
From now on my reply will be
"******, I wish I could!"

None of us can fake a sneeze
At least not very well
If you try to fake a sneeze
Everyone can tell
There's something in its chemistry
That belies authenticity

There's a thin line between obsession and love
Often hard to discern
Obsession sits in the bathroom while you ****
Love shoves a magazine under the door

This isn't a poem, so much as an observation.
This website is full of hippies.  
This has got to be the most peaceful and aware place on the entire internet.

She complains to you how she's so fat
So you'll tell her that she's so slim
Backwards fishing for compliments
And the line is way too thin
But you better disagree with her
As soon as she drops the bait
If you don't, it will be you
Who tells her she's overweight

We're the only creature in nature
With a concept of the *****
Nobody asks the lioness
Who she's had *** with before
In fact, it's unproductive
It doesn't make us more advanced
Men would get a lot more ***
If they didn't care who's been in your pants

I loved that stupid boy
And I know he loved me too
But at some time in his childhood
He saw too much abuse
I could say it's not his fault
But that would be a lie
That boy I loved too much
Turned into the wrongest guy

Being a girl means feeling compelled to apologize to the person who got in your way.
Or when somebody hurts you, and you beg them to stay.
That is being a girl
A woman, on the other hand
Will not beg for any man
And woe to you who block her way
For she has not come here to play

A poem is only as good
As the reader's imagination
(So please, imagine this is a poem, and not merely a simple statement)

Pay no attention to the title
I just had to draw you in
What I really want to talk about
Is something more within
Can a conscience be measured
Or weighed for what it's worth
Oh......forget it
I'd really rather think about blow jobs.

I've got a new crush
Though I don't know him well
I'm not sure how he looks
But his mind is **** as hell

I had to write a poem for Jake
Because he takes the cherry
......
Hmmm.  Enough said.
Jaker the cherry taker
(It's not nearly as interesting as it sounds, but Jake will probably find it hilarious)

You say you've got a broken heart
But yet, it still beats true
You suffer from a damaged heart
Because NOBODY breaks You!

I write too many poems
They're bursting from my brain
Hundreds may come out
But thousands still remain
I've got so much to say
Most of it is true
It's lifted from my shoulders
When I share it with you

Someone stop that girl
She's saying too much stuff
Some of it's about them
But it's mostly about us
She wouldn't be so annoying
Except most of it is true
She's saying things about me
That I forgot I knew

My favorite color is orange
But that won't help me here
Nothing rhymes with orange
My new favorite color is clear
It's simple in its brilliance
Ugh! Forget it, that won't do
For the purpose of this poem
My favorite color is blue

The pen may be mightier than the sword
But the strongest of all
Is the heroic keyboard

I'm the girl who tells you
What you don't want to hear
Hate me, if you want
Your problem is very clear
If my words get you all caught up in a snit
****** *******! Stop doing stupid ****!

If poets took over politics
The world would do just great
Though, they'd have to work on the schedule
Poets always run late
They've got to stop and study
Every curiosity
Which, according to a poet
Is everything we see

I can see why they sang of the octopus
Such a miraculous beast
Though nothing rhymes with octopus
That song was an incredible feat

We all hate the devil
And wonder why he's so **** mean
It's like ripping off somebody's clothes
And calling them obscene
Yet, I can't help but hate the devil
I guess I'm a hypocrite
But so are you, and so are they
We believe our own *******

I am stingy with my "likes"
I can't just give them away
What if I might need them
For some far-off rainy day?
I need someone to earn them
With spectacularity
But I won't protest one bit
If you give a like to me

A poet doesn't speak the truth
Any more than you or me
But ugly facts digest better
When spoken eloquently

How can you tell if an elephant's old?
Do they get more lines?
Maybe they're all ancient souls
Reincarnating through time

When you read a poem and say
"Why didn't I think of that?!"
I guess that's just the poet's curse
We all have worn that hat

Love me! Love Me!
Do so now
Tell me I'm the best
Cross your fingers
Make your vow
I'll ignore the rest
You need not be the perfect guy
Just belong to me
And I will not question why
Lied to beats lonely

I wanted her to be
Cookie Monster for Halloween
But the idea was soon poo pooed
By all who are in my team
Apparently everyone thinks
Girls' costumes must come in pinks

Black people in America
Boy, have they got some nerve!
Hemming and hawing the live-long day
Looking for what they deserve
It's not like they built this country
By the sweat of their very brow
Without them, America still would be great
Although I'm not sure how