I can still feel your hand on my shoulder.
You against me,
Your touch growing bolder.

I hate you for this
What you've made me miss,
My skin still heats with your memory.

I can finally say
Your face has started to fade
That the cool light of dawn
Brings my mind back to me whole

I've seen my heart shatter
No. Maybe unfold.
I watched a broken man clatter,
through his life wearing a blindfold.

This is what I have left.
After all the touches and tears.
My soul, drifting in waters uncharted.
My mind, expanding beyond imagination.
My heart, not whole, but healing.

Amazing how the bubbles make
Each.
Word.
Stop.
Easier to ride each wave to completion
Than resist and escape as the wave departs
Lethargic
Nervous
Coked up and tripping over words
Until the muddy field, the proving ground
Marks the beginning of reality
Merge preconception, misconception, and perception,
Into one bright shining lie

Young dry brittle contradictions,
deep like gravity wells.
Losing sleep while pursuing the hand held sun.
The out.
The goal.
Reality knocks twice.
Once to break the tape.
Once to cross the line.

I feel brittle.
Not in the sense of breaking,
so much as the fear of shattering.
The fear of being unable to absorb the impact.
When it happens, do my components fly out into space?
How will the universe reassert itself?
Would I be left?
Would something else?
I can't help but crave the release.
I'd be grateful, if in the end, I ended abruptly.
Winking into another universe like so many billions of leptons.
Unified by a common purpose.
I'm hanging on with swiftly shattering fingernails.
Should they break?
Do I let the universe see me naked?

Like a bullet set on it's trajectory,
I'm off inflicting damage.
Some kind of mental mastectomy,
I'm no longer a woman.
I've cut parts off of me,
just to fit some picture.
This self imposed image super-imposed,
designed from the ground up.
It's a machine, grind the babies down,
pass the money round.
It's one cold step you take against your fellow man.
You live up to the hype, or you die in the grind.

You wonder why I don't meet your eyes when we part.
Why I shake your hand and look away.
Why I wave without looking back.

I'd like to tell you a secret.
I'd rather stay.
I'd rather play just one more game,
Sing just one more song,
Make time just a little longer
I'd rather stay.

You wonder why I linger after final farewells are said
Why I babble goodbyes
Why I edge my way toward the door.

I'd like to tell you a secret
It's one that I've kept to myself
I'd like to let you know
I'd rather stay
I'd rather play just one more game
Sing just one more song
Make time stretch a little longer
I'd rather stay.

This morning I remembered the harsh edges of my dream.
There were checkered flannels, red t-shirts,
and some kind of clock just ticking.
All of my shirts had holes,
just between the shoulder blades.
As if I'd finally grown my wings.

You pushed me down the stairs,
I remember the sound of my bones,
cracking as I hit each step.
Snap, crackle, pop,
like a meat sack full of rice crispy treats.

The feeling of blood dripping between my eyes,
down my neck, between my *******.
Seeing my bones exposed so easily.
Leaving me below, staring up at you.

It's been eight years since I've seen the stars,
show me the sky and my wish is granted.
I could hold this world in the palm of my hand,
pursue the hand held sun.

It is my misfortune to remember the firmament,
while she slowly drips from my memory.
I want just one view of the night sky.
Open wide, and I'll see the soul of the universe.

She holds me dear, I'll let go the fear,
that I'll forget the face of the wilderness.
I'll keep pushing, keep looking,
keep flipping over stones unturned.

I'll keep waiting, hands held in darkness.
While the vastness, she unfolds before me.

It's the nonesense that haunts me. The bits drifting in that don't add up. I'm gagging on the bits, it's killing me.
I am all the far flung dreams in me, the hopes that drive the need in me, the need to wake. Motivated.

I'm draining out the ***** water, refilling from purer streams. I'm working my way from right to left, pulling levers. Pressure's building, dust sifting from my imagination. I'm driving myself forward, pain no longer a distraction. The bits of me not fitting, will be drifting. I'm moving off, sailing out into the galactic tide, all the valence specks, frozen in space.

I am an extension, the ultimate manifestation, the unending arm of the universe. I am the cosmic Katana.

Time to queue up in the line again.
One more moment of wasted time,
is wasting mine away.

We've got too much time or not enough.
Remember how to breathe.
Once your chest rises gravity takes over,
we're not a beat away from the fire.
We could be two beats until,

We've got just enough time to spend.
Not enough time to waste.
Just enough to make it last,
until the music fades.

There's too much time or not enough.
Don't forget how to breathe.
Once your chest rises gravity takes over.
We are one heart beat away.
Just enough time, just enough.

I've been spiraling down for a long time now,
It's time to fly back up.
I'm over it, over it, over the *******.

It's time I stretched out of this skin I'm in,
I'm waking up, shaking myself
Into some kind of adulthood.

I've been living my life
as some superimposition sees fit
I'm over it, over it, don't need the *******.

It's time I shredded this skin I'm in
I'm waking up, shaking myself
into some kind of womanhood.

I am bleeding here, trapped within myself, a message from within myself. Am I the only one that sees it? Am I the only one crying in the dark? Let the sweet deep breath of death flow across my chapped, cracked, and blood soaked skin. Let the wave of peace break over me, hold me deep within myself until I find it. This is my cry to see the light of day. To be kissed by the wind, like silk on my naked back.

It is fear that drives us. Fear that keeps us here. Bound at the elbows, drinking deep, sleeping dark. We are fortunate to be so ignorant. Blissfully sleeping, wiling away the days, the nights, each hour a new dream painted for us. The steep climb, the incline, to reap our unfortunate fruit.

I would let the light burn off mourning. Allow the frost to melt away, seeking stars now suspended and unmoving. This timeless place deep inside. Not hollow, crowded with the bodies of my making. The people I am, the faces I have. Open eyed, just as trapped. I have tied myself to tight.

Yet here I am within myself, I can see you there too. Trapped in your own self induced shroud, just as pained. There will be a reunion among us. We will weep the wellspring, tears of joy. If only to see the light of day, to be kissed by the wind, like silk on our naked backs.

The storm is moving overhead,
the rain, coming down,
I've got nine floors to go.

Racing past elevator doors,
across the lobby,
to the street below.

I've been waiting for you,
waiting for the storm,
I'm chasing the rain.

I may be a fool to have waited.
The storm is long past,
The opportunity gone.

The rain drumming,
pounding on my skull,
just a memory.

As our heartbeat slows my attention goes,
To the feel of your hips against mine,
It's a fast tight curve, the wrong word,
Could shoot us off into the night.

I've a long way to go to hit bottom
Hold on tight if you've got 'em
It's a wild ride through the nights sky.

Something's missing,
I can't tell if you're here or far
You've got the right way,
I'll take the long way.

Looking up at you from the hole in my heart
I'll be looking for you in the middle
I've a long way to go

I don't have a whole lot to give,
Most of what I had was taken,
I've broken part, what's left of my heart.
Just leave me this piece,
This place to breathe.
I've take it to heart,
I'm alone now.
I'm too far gone down the road,
Just wait...
That's your cue to take the pieces and run.
I'm left with this shell of my self.
Creaking hinges on a dusty shelf.
The parts I've given away,
Are the sum of my failures,
My biggest mistakes,
So take these pieces left of me and run away.