I can still feel your hand on my shoulder.
You against me,
Your touch growing bolder.

I hate you for this
What you've made me miss,
My skin still heats with your memory.

I can finally say
Your face has started to fade
That the cool light of dawn
Brings my mind back to me whole

I've seen my heart shatter
No. Maybe unfold.
I watched a broken man clatter,
through his life wearing a blindfold.

This is what I have left.
After all the touches and tears.
My soul, drifting in waters uncharted.
My mind, expanding beyond imagination.
My heart, not whole, but healing.

Amazing how the bubbles make
Each.
Word.
Stop.
Easier to ride each wave to completion
Than resist and escape as the wave departs
Lethargic
Nervous
Coked up and tripping over words
Until the muddy field, the proving ground
Marks the beginning of reality
Merge preconception, misconception, and perception,
Into one bright shining lie

Young dry brittle contradictions,
deep like gravity wells.
Losing sleep while pursuing the hand held sun.
The out.
The goal.
Reality knocks twice.
Once to break the tape.
Once to cross the line.

I feel brittle.
Not in the sense of breaking,
so much as the fear of shattering.
The fear of being unable to absorb the impact.
When it happens, do my components fly out into space?
How will the universe reassert itself?
Would I be left?
Would something else?
I can't help but crave the release.
I'd be grateful, if in the end, I ended abruptly.
Winking into another universe like so many billions of leptons.
Unified by a common purpose.
I'm hanging on with swiftly shattering fingernails.
Should they break?
Do I let the universe see me naked?

Like a bullet set on it's trajectory,
I'm off inflicting damage.
Some kind of mental mastectomy,
I'm no longer a woman.
I've cut parts off of me,
just to fit some picture.
This self imposed image super-imposed,
designed from the ground up.
It's a machine, grind the babies down,
pass the money round.
It's one cold step you take against your fellow man.
You live up to the hype, or you die in the grind.

You wonder why I don't meet your eyes when we part.
Why I shake your hand and look away.
Why I wave without looking back.

I'd like to tell you a secret.
I'd rather stay.
I'd rather play just one more game,
Sing just one more song,
Make time just a little longer
I'd rather stay.

You wonder why I linger after final farewells are said
Why I babble goodbyes
Why I edge my way toward the door.

I'd like to tell you a secret
It's one that I've kept to myself
I'd like to let you know
I'd rather stay
I'd rather play just one more game
Sing just one more song
Make time stretch a little longer
I'd rather stay.

This morning I remembered the harsh edges of my dream.
There were checkered flannels, red t-shirts,
and some kind of clock just ticking.
All of my shirts had holes,
just between the shoulder blades.
As if I'd finally grown my wings.

You pushed me down the stairs,
I remember the sound of my bones,
cracking as I hit each step.
Snap, crackle, pop,
like a meat sack full of rice crispy treats.

The feeling of blood dripping between my eyes,
down my neck, between my *******.
Seeing my bones exposed so easily.
Leaving me below, staring up at you.

It's been eight years since I've seen the stars,
show me the sky and my wish is granted.
I could hold this world in the palm of my hand,
pursue the hand held sun.

It is my misfortune to remember the firmament,
while she slowly drips from my memory.
I want just one view of the night sky.
Open wide, and I'll see the soul of the universe.

She holds me dear, I'll let go the fear,
that I'll forget the face of the wilderness.
I'll keep pushing, keep looking,
keep flipping over stones unturned.

I'll keep waiting, hands held in darkness.
While the vastness, she unfolds before me.