There's a special feeling only a few of us get to feel
In those hours when it's nighttime, but day

We feel like we're the only people in the world
Like the universe created it just for us

We're the rulers of a quiet and eerie world
so different from the harsh life of day

It's in those moments we find ourselves wandering
Waiting and wondering
Listening and imagining
something that's out of our grasp
or not yet in our lives

It's only for a brief moment we get to feel that
before sleep comes for us

and the last thing we think
before we drift off into the oasis of bliss

"what will today bring?"

In our youth
When we scraped our knees and elbows
Raw and red
We would run to our mothers
Frightened of the first taste of the attribute
That would haunt us like a shadow admist
Our grown up lives

Into the medicine cabinet she would reach
Placing soothing kisses over
our barely present wounds
Placing soft sticky Band-Aids on our scraped up limbs

It was a quick fix
Comfort and safety wrapped up into one
Paper packaged medicinal amenity
And each Band-Aid would make us yearn for more

An addiction it became so quickly
We became oversensitive to pain
One sharp tag and we went fumbling for the box
A peeling piece of skin
and the world was topsy turvy
Until it was covered and forgotten

When we finally felt
Real and jarring pain
The wrappers surrounded us
A mountain of useless snow
And all the Band-Aids would unstick
From the amount of blood seeping out of
Dagger cuts and bullet holes

And we go back to our youth
And remember when life was sweet like an August peach
And pain was something talked of movies and ghost stories
And we cry our salty tears
Begging to go back when a band aid could fix everything

And we wonder
When that power left
And this despair finally set in

The band aids unstick
And fall to the ground
Like we once did
In our youth
When we scraped our knees and elbows

Raw and red

Pretty faces
Pretty eyes
Staring back into my soul
How do I wear this disguise
While trying to be who I am

Going through the water
Trying to find the way out
So scared of drowning
Of this makeup washing away

Now I'm going under
Can't see in the dark
What have you done to me
With your words and smiles

Dragging me down, drowning me under
Digging into my skin

Will I ever breathe again
Will I be myself again
Will this fake life lie dead beneath my feet

Rising through the water
I can see the way out
Hands grasp my ankles
Pulling me under

Drowning me, dragging me down
Ripping away my skin
Pretty faces, feral smiles
Pretty eyes, red as blood

I guess I wasn't the one in disguise

After all.

I want to scream
in the middle of the street
masks stomped under my feet

I want to feel free
not trapped under a roof
that takes pleasure in my dark feelings

I want to touch and hug and
kiss and love and go back
to what it all once was

But every time I feel like breaking
every time my legs start shaking to

RUN
RUN AND BE FREE

I remember her smile and her kind eyes
her wrinkled hands gently stroking my hand

she doesn't know who I am
but she knows I'm family
and that is enough

That is enough

He likes the way her hand fits in his
He likes the way she nuzzles her head into his neck
He loves the way her nose crinkles when she laughs
He loves how her ears turn red when he kisses her
He adores the way she jumps for joy when she's happy
He adores how she whispers "I love you" like it's a secret
He hates when she cries because they argued
He hates when she's mad at him because he forgot to clean up
He misses her when she leaves for a trip
He misses her when he hears her static voice in the phone
He waits for her at the airport
He waits nervously, feeling the box protruding out of his pocket
He waits
He waits
He waits
He feels his phone buzz
He feels his fingers shake as he reads the notification
He sees the world turn black
He sees the future
Without her

I am the shadow
Yet I am not dark

I am the sea
But I am neither rough nor calm

I am the sun
Yet I do not shine

I am a clock
But I cannot tell time

I am the pen
Yet I have no ink

I am the poet
But I cannot rhyme

I am the reader
Yet I am blind

I am nothing
Yet I am something

I am neither
Yet I am both

If
I
were
a
song

I'd
have
a
soft
minor
melody

If
I
were
a
song

there'd
be
a
thousand
people
to
sing
me

If
I
were
a
song

my
words
would
be
meaningful

If
I
were
a
song

I
would
be
beautiful

If
I
were
a
song

I
would
be
a
classic

If
I
were
a
song

I'd
be
lost
in
the
static

to think this is mad
am i foolish to belive
you care lots for me

once upon at time
you did steal my heart away
now we will crumble

maybe it is true
but why would you like me too
i am not that great

what captures your eye
is it what we talk about
or something simple

tell me what it is
i am dying to know it
never mind it's fine

enjoy it while you can
something will tear us apart
we will never know

i write about you
to ease the pain in my heart
you live far away

i hope we will meet
someday somewhere we will meet
and we'll see each other

we'll talk all day too
and maybe sparks will fly too
if you only knew

my heart carries love
do i give too much away
to different people

am i too hast
i've never felt like this before
explain it to me
you might not like me
you might like me only as friends
i must live with that

so my beloved
what will become of us dear
or should i say friend

will we ever find love
in each others loving arms
or is this a dream

I think I saw you
last night

Waiting at the edge of the crosswalk
talking on the phone

I blinked
and you were gone

A glitch in the universe
I suppose

But this morning
I saw you again

On the edge of my lawn
looking at my window

I threw it open
but you weren't there

I closed it
and turn around

I saw you there
in my room

your hand gently
touching my face

You smell
so distinct

A smile stretched
across your face

I missed you
you said

You've been doing well
you said

I breathed
and you were gone

Back to where ever it was
that souls go

I want to say
Heaven

But you left
so suddenly

you couldn't
let go

and I

still can't

let go

I remember the way your fingers danced across my skin
a waltz, a tango, a salsa, a minuet
I remember the way your voice crashed against my ears
a whisper, a heartfelt love note, a scream only I could hear
I remember your eyes flashing that crooked smile of yours
an inaudible laugh, a joke between you and I
I remember your lips locking with mine
a distant memory from a distant time
I remember you now as you were with me
Not with you fingers lying still on her arm
Not with your voice mild and somber
Not with eyes retaining a picture-perfect smile
Not with your lips on hers
They would never fit
Her key does not match your heart
I have it here
Safely wrapped around my neck
And when I touch it
It reminds me not to forget

Isn't obvious I have an obsession with love?
I WANT IT

I want to hold it in my arms
I want to kiss it first thing every morning
I want to have crazy dance parties with it

I want to cherish it

but it goes for those who want nothing to do with it
only for looks and likes
only for vengeance
only to break a young girl's heart
only to bring a man to its knees

I know what it could bring
but I want to have it

just once





love,

you're dumb

Tuck that piece of hair back

yes that's better

go pierce your ears

yes that's better

go get your teeth whitened

yes that's better

go lose 25 pounds

yes that's better

now lose another 50

yes that's better

go get some lip injections

yes that's better

go get breast implants

yes that's better

go starve yourself

yes that's better

just stopping being yourself

yes that's better

but its still far from


perfect

If I were to describe my love
It would be a raindrop
Clear and new
Beautiful if remained untouched

If it is disturbed
It will wash away

Until another comes to replace it

Over and over
Over and over
over and over
o v e r   a n d   o v e r

o
v
e
r

a
n
d

o
v
e
r

until a million raindrops appear and disappear
each trying to convince that
to be abused
to be worthless
to be nothing

is love

and for every raindrop

a river of tears carry it away

If I was a romantic
I'd treat you to the first date
Much to your surprise (and dismay)

If I was a romantic
I'd buy you your favorite flowers
and spread them all over your bed

If I was a romantic
I'd make you lunch
and drive to your work for an impromptu date

If I was a romantic
I'd dance with you
in fuzzy pajamas and bare feet

If I was romantic
I'd let you be
every time you asked me

If I was a romantic
I'd take care of you
when you weren't your best self

If I was a romantic
I'd kiss you every time
like it was the last time

If I was a romantic
I wouldn't care about anything else about you
except your heart and soul

If I was a romantic
I would wear a trash bag as a wedding dress
if you were mine forever

Well

I am a romantic

So where are you?

I close my eyes and

F
                 E
                                   E
                                                           L

your fingers on my back
your hand in my hair
your lips on mine
your stare of wonder

I close my eyes and

H
                 E
                              A
                               ­              R

your soft breath
your murmurs of adoration
your exclamations of love


I close my eyes and

S
         E
                   E

your wide eyes
your dazzling smile

I close my eyes and

wonder

how I let you convince me you loved me

I close my eyes and


F
        O
                 R
                        G
                               E
                                       T


that you are there with her

and I'm here

standing outside your door

People say a picture holds a thousand words
but I say it only holds two

"say cheese!"

softly
softly
the air weeps

softly
softly
the ground mourns

softly
softly
the stars cry aloud

softly
softly
the sea wails

softly
softly
they have flown into the night

softly
softly
they have found a new home

softly
softly
those dreams have vanished

softly
softly
my heart falls asunder

softly
softly
I am pitied

softly
softly
this heartache comes

softly
softly

I am undone

I try and I try and I try
To be something that I am not
To make beautiful things from my hands
To sound like an angel in a chorus of a thousand voices
To be a goddess among men and make others envy my beauty

Whatever comes from my hands is not what I picture in my mind
It's just a clump of lines and scribbles with no definitions or purpose

My voice does not carry an angelic tone
It's raw and croaky

I am not beautiful to draw jealousy out of girls and men alike
I am not thin and tan
My hair can't hold curls or volume for extended periods of time

What I can offer the word is this:

Pages upon pages of unfinished works that I view as my masterpieces
Words that flow out of my fingertips
Water from a melting snow-capped mountain
A raging river that refuses to flow in one direction

A voice, loud and distinguished
That commands the armies of a thousand thoughts
That brings enemies in with quiet curiosity
Until the foes are turned into friends

An inward beauty to replace what society judges
My smile is not enhanced or altered
It is raw and true
I bring people to happiness
With who I am as a person
Not how I look
You are blind if you can only see the outer portion of life

This is who I am
This is what I can offer to the world
And the world cannot force me to take it back
These are the gifts I was given a long time ago
And they come with no receipts

I heard his heart beat in my dream
I don't know who he is
where he grew up
where he met his first love
where his heart was first broken
where his dreams rose
where his dreams were shattered
where he is now
who he is now
all I know is that
I heard his heart beat in my dream
and I knew he was mine

The sun had already set in the sky as my fingers pluck letters out of the chill air
For the Last Day, you would think there would be much more noise instead of the chirping of crickets outside the open window
For the Last Day, you would think "What is she doing here, writing a poem, when she could be out there?"
For the Last Day, I expected something more...something greater
But when I think of tomorrow, it feels the same
There's nothing different about it
It's just another day
Another 24 hours
Another 1,440 minutes
Another 86, 400 seconds
It just goes on and on and on and on and-
Today is a Last Day
A Last Day of flings and dreams and dog days
A Last Day of toes curling in the sand and fireworks popping in the sky
A Last Day of thousands of adventures, great and small
A Last Day of pretending tomorrow doesn't exist
If you haven't caught on, you must be in denial
Because though it is A Last Day
It's not the last one

Mommy said there was no such thing
as the Monster

When I was scared
she tucked me in
and kissed my cheek
and told me
"it's all just a nightmare"

But some days
I see the marks
the monster left her

Purple and Blue
Yellow and Black
the colors of the saddest rainbow

Sometimes at night, the monster gets her
and in the morning
she makes splashes
in her coffee

Mommy protects me
The monster never comes
to get me

But one day
Mommy was on the ground
and she didn't move

and the monster stood over her

a ****** knife in his hand
glinting like his silver
wedding band

There must be something in the water
that gives me those tingles
that makes my ears ring
when I hear you laugh

There must be something in the wine
that makes me float
and feel all giddy
when you tuck my hair behind my ear

There must be something in the flowers
that you gave me on Valentine's
that makes my eyes water
and my heart thump against my ribs

There must be something in the air
that makes it so hard to breathe
when I see you

There must be something in my eyes
that trick me into thinking
you're kissing someone else

There must be something in my brain
that made me so oblivious
to the things you were doing

There must be something in my heart
that makes it break into a million pieces

There must be something
that made me think
you loved me

I think it's easy for the other side to glide through life
Never wondering "is today gonna be the day?"

The day we all think and fantasize
The image we see behind our eyes when sleep comes to take us
The dream that awakes in flourishing colors
A surreal experience that knocks the air out of your lungs

We wake up thinking it was real,
hearts pumping with unrestricted rhythms

Then we remember
How they love their life now
without her by their side
How they flash their riches
and complain how much money was ripped from their pockets
from a burden like her
The way they diss her and degrade her
And we find ourselves agreeing
For the sake of being with them

We want to think
"I'm not like her"
"The only riches I want come from your heart"
"I know the only words they'll speak of me are kind"

To make up for the ugly, we think of the beautiful
Their smile
Their laugh
Their eyes
The way we think they look at us
The endless conversations that take over our minds

Then it happens again

We dream
We awake
We think
We love

The world keeps turning
An unbreakable cycle.

And one I find myself trapped in too often

The wind is a friend of mine
She blew me in from the desert
to a picturesque coastal town

She came around often
bring rain and snow and life
in big booming clouds

But she hasn't been here in a while
It's taking so much energy to smile

The air is so stale, I can hardly breathe
The ground is crumbling so I fall to my knees

The sun's harsh heat is a warning to me
that though I can run
I will never be free

When I'm happy, I'm lying
The raindrops that fall
are the tears from my crying

The wind's cool breeze
feels like nothing to me

The desert I ran from
is a place inside of me
and though I can run
I will never escape the heat

of a life
that's dying
from the lack
of living

The wind
was a
friend
of
mine

The price of love is too high
It reaches the summit of an unclimbable mountain
One look and the mind says it isn't as high as it seems
The climb begins
Slowly
Steadily
Everything is alright
But then disaster
It is truly unclimbable
And before one can register
They are knocked off
Breaking into a thousand pieces
Like their heart of glass
Forever shattered and bruised
But they glue what they can back together
And forget their failed attempts to conquer what they thought was theirs to master
They look at the mountain anew  
And each time they look up
The mountain grows ever higher.

When you're falling asleep
in a place that's far from home

I'll be in the air you breathe
A soft whisper
against the loud voice of loneliness

When you're watching the seasons pass
I will be in the leaves that grow and fall
the rain that comes to wash your sorrows away

When you carry your dreams into the harsh future of tomorrow
I will help with the burden
until there is a steady place on which they can rest

When those salty tears run down your face
I will wipe them away with a gentle wind
and a kiss on a salty breeze

I am everywhere
in the water
in the air
in the clouds
in the sky
in your heart

And though I cannot walk the harrowing road of life with you anymore
I will take your hand
and guide you to a tomorrow I never got to see

And when your time comes to meet me at the end of the road
I will smile and embrace you

I will whisper to you
"You were never alone"