Two parts deserve redemption
a half-assed vindication doesn't equal elimination
and
in this world there are problems that the notion of being 'fixed' are too hard to imitate
and to the broken ones who assumed they were getting trace amounts of love
your drug hurt like hell when it was so abruptly taken away.

Today was the 12th time I told a psychiatrist " I don't have a reason to be here."
The doctor's lips curled
her pen clicked
and she wrote so fast I swear I think the woman actually thought she found the my differential diagnosis frontier.
She holds her hand out and places it superintendant on top of the ones that belong to me
Two folded hands and a foreign one on top trembling in in falsely portrayed sympathy
Her words like a smokers cloud blew threw space and time
She exhaled an accustomed statement " I know it's hard"
But that's just it, isn't it?
I don't want to say it's particularly ' hard ' having an existence as arbitrary as mine.


When you step on a bug crossing your path do you really cross any sort of moral line?
Probably not, because there are two things you can't really ******
One being the negligible, and two being the thoughts in your brain that intertwine.
and if I leave this god forsaken planet i'm afraid that's all i'll be
a neuroelectrical plague; a vague and useless memory
Because no one will make requiem for ugly cadavers
and I feel i'm slipping deeper into unconsciousness without any form of stagger
When the pills are on the rise
no one cares if another ' arbitrary ' kid dies
Why should they?
The kids were never even alive in the first place...

Feelings subside when ****** from a straw.
Worn down and white until left with no more.
"Fill me with sweets, and your honey kissed vernacular tonight."
but to me, I find that those who need ego-stroking will run me out of my high.

They tell me that my thoughts and actions will leave my young mind contrite and fretting.
Yet curiosity survives formal education,
so even with this piece of coded information
i still wanted to commit the crime and enter a realm of affirmation
The one that only you emulate
one of strong will
hope
and pretty flowered daisy chains
But in all reality , i am to stay here.
holding my own hand side by side,
watching stranger's fingers intertwine along side in syncopated time
during what, though divergent in style,was promised to be my 'glory days'...

I should be able to hear what everyone is saying...
The sudden realization serves as requiem in the form of a cool steel breeze
one that ebbs and flows to me
recounting a time of mindless days and apathy flooding in
Endless days
and hemorrhaged youth
conceive but don't produce
i'd like to think i'm all in and wise
but I really don't have a ******* clue
at least
not anymore

They say to take time with wounded hands, because they like to feel
But who the **** listens to THAT anymore?
We live in a world where ambivalence is feared, instead of felt
In sickness and in health there are just some secrets hidden by stealth
but people
people don't keep promises anymore...

Could you look me in the eyes and honestly say, that you're aware of the creatures that will try and chase you away?
Demise promises to whisper them sweet songs
Chemical induced lullabies to keep them at bay
at bay
and out of sight
But only if you say to me just like they used to that " Hey, everything is going to be okay"
or
" Everything will be alright "
But I suppose all this **** is in my head
Day dreams sewn with chronic anxiety and manic depressive thread will only make the button eyes for a teddy bear better left for dead.
And this toy you found was already water-logged and torn
and little boys who claim to be 'all grown up' tend to get easily bored
because for a 'man' who said he could love me through any weather
you sure didn't put up a struggle when water made the veins turn blue
atrophy
through
and through
along with your 'forgotten' 'love' letters
But I suppose people just aren't meteorologists anymore
and for your sake
I'm glad you found someone so much better.
God knows I wont