This girl goes to sleep with the weight of the world on her shoulder,
she wakes up to it feeling like a boulder.
Her lips touching his everyday,
now a distant memory only in the way.
It seems missing him is not enough,
for the seas of love become very rough.
She loves him more than he will ever know,
she loves him more than she will ever show.
Loving someone this much is scary,
for true love is what you feel when you marry.
She lies awake, taken aback,
Lord, I hope he loves me back.

i.
***** blond hair and braces,
beanie and a sweatshirt,
you were the secondary third wheel
along with myself.
you put on all four hats and
nearly choked on your soda
at someone’s ***** joke.

ii.
hair parted sideways,
black-ringed blue eyes,
we vaguely remembered each other
and talked a bit before going back
to the ones who had originally brought us.
the blue was pretty and you had a bubbly laugh
and were dressed nicer than before.
we finally memorized each other’s names
and when it was time to go,
we hugged and I told you to
drop by again soon.

iii.
braces off and longer hair,
your board had a new paintjob.
we enthusiastically greeted each other
with a hug and an exchange of names
and we ended up sitting at the computer
for most of the afternoon and evening.
we talked without restraint and
had definitely become easy friends.

iv.
hair shaved off on the sides,
the rest slicked back like a new-age greaser,
you smelled slightly of stale cigarettes
when I tucked my face against your neck
for our routine hug.
I squeezed you tight and brushed my thumbs
across the leather of your jacket.
you were angry and stressed but didn’t really show it
and I wasn’t sure what to do with my still-new
feelings for you.
I held your hands outside that night
and asked you to quit again,
because people come and go and life’s too short
to make it even shorter
by ******* on a stick of chemicals and tobacco.
you said you’d quit soon and thanked me for being there.

v.
you stayed over
and we spent most of our time
swapping songs and playing video games
and snacking on poptarts and arizona.
I woke up the next morning to find that
you hadn’t slept
and wondered what you must have been thinking about
that could keep you up all those hours.

vi.
we saw a bad movie together tonight.
our heads bumped multiple times
and we both had to pull up our legs
since our heels barely touch the floor comfortably.
your forehead would wrinkle when you were looking up
and it gave you an air of maturity
that I didn’t know you could pull off.
I wanted to kiss you
but didn’t know what you thought of me
so I didn’t.

Hot water,
immerse me.
rid me of any and all impurities,
replace them with tranquility.

Give me the strength to pick up a razor,
without the temptation of,
disassembling it,
and sinking a blade into my skin.

Help me,
give me the strength,
that is needed for me,
to help myself.

Hot water,
I beg of you,
please,
save me tonight.

blanket my sorrow under pretty white flakes
freeze the memories beneath cold waters
carry away my heartache on frosty winds
oh, dear snow,
fall until there's nothing left
swallow me whole
help me to forget
just a bit longer
maybe come spring time
I'll be just a little stronger.