Sometimes when i feel so weak
and i just think
"One more drink"
I look up into the mirror right when i take a swollow
and i see my mama
I see her crying for me and my lost soul
but what can i do?
Stopping isnt an option
It hurts to much to be sober
I just want that amber liquid
Running down my throat
The slow burn of all my
Worries melting away
Untill there is nothing left
The bottle empty and my heart cold
I pass out in my bed
With my pills by my side
Waiting to acompany my screaming headache
In the morning
But at least a hangover
Is the only problem i have to face
When im drunk.

I sit and i watch
the homemade movie
play out in my mind
i see a woman with love and care
in her eyes
and tenderness in her hands
as she holds the baby me
in her arms
i see that woman transform
the dark shadows under her eyes appear
her eyes, nails and teeth yellow
her eyes become dull and lifeless
I see me growing slowly
watching my mother fall apart
as i move from in her arms
to beside her
to all the way away from her
what replaces me in her arms you ask?
A needle
a vial
of a nasty drug
that snatches my mother away from me
so why after i watch my mother **** herself slowly
do i still pick up that joint
and smoke that bowl
or drink that bottle?
because im weak and
Im always looking over my shoulder to see
if she is watching,
if she is seeing me end up just like her
but all i see
is her slowly wasting away to nothing
untill i see myself end up in that same seat
with my daughter looking back at me.

I wonder if this is what happy feels like
i have never felt this way
so light and fluffy
the butterflys you give me
the sweet things you say
i wonder if this is what all the girls
strive for
is this what all the sappy stories are about?
i dont know what it is
but i dont ever want it to end....
I love you

You make me feel
so small
so uniportant
with the words you yell at me
always swirling inside my head
telling me how much
i do not deserve
to be alive
to live this life of love
You make me feel so weak
so powerless
but i always run back to you
because of one thing
I LOVE YOU....

Fading so scared of
her future
and the lonliness she
suddenly realizes
it may hold

She is going to look back
and wonder how long
they were really pretending
and if maybe
just maybe
they still are

"*****!" is what he screams
"Worthless!" Is what my mind tells me

Is it bad
that i know he is using me?
I know he just wants my body
i can tell because thats all he talks about

Is it bad that i feel like
i deserve to be used and thrown away?

Its hurts so bad
but thats okay
because when it hurts
and its uncomfortable
it reminds me
that what i doing,
who i am
disgusts me.