I visited the empty parking lot you took me to every weekend. It wasn't lonely when i was with you but when the single flickering streetlight illuminates my shaky fingers at the thought of you, I feel so incredibly empty but heavy at the same time. I remember when you told me you wanted the rest of my life, so believe me when I say you got it. They never tell you ****** is not always by the hand of someone clutching a gun or a knife. ****** is not just a rope around your neck or a poison in your drink. ****** is on the tip of his tongue and in between his thighs. Believe me when I say the moment I shed blood for you every vibrant light in my body grew dark and every part of me died.

i hate you.
for lack of a stronger word.

youre in my head:

i can't do anything without wondering if you would approve
i dont want to think about anything else but you

youre in my voice:

i have begun speaking like you
i seem to only talk about you

youre in my ears:

i can hear your voice when im alone
i listen to old conversations every time i can

youre in my lungs:

my breathing seems off when im around you
i double check every inhale, every exhale to make sure im alive

youre the pain i feel:

when im not with you
when i know i wont be with you
when everyone tells me i wont be with you

you make my head gyrate
you make my voice tremble
you make my eyes blurry
you make my ears deaf
you make my lungs stop


but i wont do anything to make it stop

continue to feel
but forget the words you hear
love is not real, fool

and so another night drinking alone
another reminder of a broken home
finding myself like a four leaf clover
i'm so ******* glad valentines day is over

I’ve been around long enough
to know these wounds don’t heal.
I will wake up tomorrow
and put down half a bottle
of hydrogen peroxide,
hoping the void inside
my chest won’t get infected.
This ribcage is missing
more than just bones.
The black hole I met
in my living room
decided to stay for dinner.
He said you’re doing great.
I poured another glass
of regret and told him
that’s ironic.
I’ve realized this is just what
“okay” has become;
fists embedded in sheetrock promises,
sitting alone in the rooms where
everyone told me they would stay.

I swear, every day the sky gets grayer
Slowly, the realization hits, but lacking no force
This life is all I've got.
People die.
Buildings crumble.
Nothing is guaranteed.
Not even the next day.

I know this, but I fail to live the day like it's my last
For a subtle moment the sky shows a hint of blue
But happiness vanishes before it can be grasped
Like the hint of beauty that is the sky's
It's a sky as colorless as my skin
The house to the sack of bones I lug around
My soul being all that is real and true.

This life is all I've got.
People die.
Buildings crumble.
Nothing is guaranteed.
Not even the next day.

Stars gaze downward
They could grant all my wishes
Why aren't I the main character?
The hero?
But I've heard it all before
"It doesn't work that way"

That way is exhausting
I'll live for myself
It's the best thing I can do.

This life is all I've got.
People die.
Buildings crumble.
Nothing is guaranteed.
Not even the next day.

Do you know I still think about you from time to time?
While our lives race bye and bye.

Why am so hung up on you?
After all the stuff you put me through.

Did you know where you left me?
On the porch, dark and empty.

How did you make me feel so great?
When my heart was full of hate.

Why did it feel like to get your love,
I had to stand in line and push and shove?

How could I be so naive?
Now I just sit here and I grieve.

he listens to me in vermont
as i breathe in new york
the slow labored tones
of sleep.

from a scratched house by a ****** park
to a rich wooden cottage deep in snow-hushed woods
my moose listens to my little sighs
and groans
and going-to-sleep-noises.

the way he clears his throat comforts me.