Kay Reed: Favorites

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

flash

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

RA

flash

I'm sitting on the edge
of my bed, trembling and
     flash [I'm huddled in the
                kitchen corner, she's
                advancing on me, blocking
                every way of escape]
wishing I could be ok again, wishing
I wasn't damaged beyond
     flash [I'm on the
                stairs, crouched over so
                she can't reach my
                stomach because I'm already
                crying hard enough to almost
                be throwing up, gagging
                around screams]
any kind of repair that I
can foresee, praying that
     flash [I'm curled on my bed like
                a foetus, I ran away until
                there was no further
                to run and still
                she followed me. Hit
                my back, it hurts
                the least there]
the terror will pass, and I
won't have to remember
     flash [I'm thinking desperately
                around the thumps of
                knuckles on flesh and the screams
                I can't contain that next time I
                will hit back I won't
                be frozen in place, wishing
                bitterly I wasn't shamelessly
                lying to myself]
this.*
     *flash [I can't breathe.]

December 14, 2014
panic attack.

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

words just make me hollow

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

Chris

words just make me hollow

The other day my mother told me
I should be a writer.
I did not have the heart to tell her
that I am everything but a writer.
I hear too much in silences.
I think oceans are often lonely,
and trees don't always want to let go.
More than half of my books
are less than halfway finished.
Someone once told me,
"You're too young to be so old",
but I didn't notice,
I was too busy losing things
I never had.
I'm not weak,
I'm just broken.
Most days are overwhelming;
I often think of not existing.
You should try it sometime,
it's peaceful knowing you don't
mean anything to anyone.
It's a shame sadness seeps
through fingertips, otherwise
one day I might write; even though
I am everything but a writer.

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

I hate leaving poems unfinished, but after all

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

Chris

I hate leaving poems unfinished, but after all

It’s 4:27 AM on a Thursday.
You say I have so much left to give,
even if I have no one to give it to.
I wish I had more to
[these pieces don’t fit]
even if you don’t want any of it.

It’s getting colder outside,
I just keep thinking
more about [ ]
I just keep thinking more
about you.

You were a lot of things for me,
you were an anchor in
you taught me to
but you were never mine.

There are no oceans left
in my fingertips.
Your eyes have

and that’s okay.

[nothing fits]

It’s 5:13 AM on a Thursday.
I’ve figured out how we’re different;
you’re doing okay without me.

I tried writing the other day,
but you took everything when you left.
I was never a writer anyways,
I was just in love with you.

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

it’s not poetry, I’m just honest

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

Chris

it’s not poetry, I’m just honest

I just wanted to be alive.
After all, you were sunlight
and my eyes were still tired
from just waking up.
I am waiting for time to
catch up with the weather.
3 AM used to feel so much warmer.
I see stars and think about
the patterns that run through
your skin,
the constellations that run through
your veins.
I will never have a chance
to trace them all,
but my God,
they are beautiful.

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

Topography

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

Clare Talbot

Topography

When I called the visual appeal of your body topography, you laughed. You misunderstood.
The sharp angles, the planes, the curves and the hollows of your body, of your skin stretched thin over bone, these are what I find beautiful. This is the topography of you, the places I want to map with my lips and teeth. The familiar places, my home within a home, my love.
Your body is geometry, trigonometry, mathematics you hate almost as much as the way I can trace your every rib and vertebrae. Perspective translates your flaws into aesthetic beauty, but your perspective is your own and you will never see what I do. I will love you enough for the both of us, darling, love your flaws more than your perfection just to give you what you deserve.

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

this was never about me

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

marina

this was never about me

i heard that women tend to
tell lies more often than men,
but when they to, it's to build
other people up, while men usually
lie to make themselves look better

so at midnight, when you said
that you loved me, and i told you
that i loved you too, which one
of us was really in the wrong?

idk if this even makes sense like i want it to

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

Max,

Jan 2014 Kay Reed

Brandi

Max,

Remember the time we ate shrooms
and spent the night lying in a graveyard
my shoe broke on the long walk home
and you carried me across the parking lot
because there could have been glass

Remember the time you saved me
from a boy I didn't want to kiss
you hid me at the top of a rocket ship
and every time he tried to enter
you shoved him down with your foot

Remember the times we laid side by side
on the cold wooden floor and blasted music
all night long till the stars ceased to shine

Remember the time you got out of jail
and walked to my house
to crawl into my bed but found another boy there instead
you quietly left and I had no clue
till you confessed later

Remember the time you left early in the morning
to catch your flight
and I didn't wake up
but when I did there were two CDs on my pillow
that you had spent all night making

Remember the time you said I was wifey material
after I danced on stage
at a white rave
in my black bra

Remember the time I dyed my hair green
and met your visiting girlfriend
and you said I looked like medusa
I wanted to sock you

Remember the time we got drunk and took xanax
and laid in my bed
you made your move then
and I giggled during our kiss
because I was high and scared it'd change us
but it hurt your feelings on accident

Remember the time I started hooking up
with your best friend/roommate
and you had to sleep on the couch
I'm sorry I was so callous

Remember the time you sent me
a christmas present
it was a build-able straw
the best thing anyone has ever given me

Remember the times you tried to love me
and I wouldn't let you
now you're gone chasing ******
and I miss you so much
that I write to you all the time
I write about you
because I can't stop talking to you
even when you disappear