i didn't cry today
my mother did though
she says i've changed
it happened a long time ago

my thoughts are sad
they burn like coal
my words have changed
i am not whole

my wrists are sore
decorated red with fear
or is it blood
i won't last a year

i haven't eaten today
my ribs are showing
i smile at my reflection
my future is closing

The day has come
i have gone to sleep
my mother cried
i'm just another soul to reap

Blink.
A quick action.
No one notices when your eyes are closed
For that one silent second.
No, millisecond.
So small, you would think that it wouldn't
matter at all.
Yet it does.

Blink.
Just one single flutter of your eyelids,
And you can miss so much.
Close your eyes in day,
Then you open them in night.
Close them during peace,
Opened to war and fight.
And fright.

Blink.
The world keeps rotating
Never-ending on its axis.
Life goes on, moves along.
Nothing stops for you,
Not even your own mind.
Your eyes might be closed,
But your brain churns with a clutter of thoughts.
Your eyes open,
But clarity is hard to see even then.

Blink.
You're not a child anymore.

Blink.
Time zooming, zipping, fast as a car.

Blink.
The next thing you know and-

Blink.
You've done it again.

Blink.
Missed something huge,
Part of your life,
Part of your world.

Blink.
Stop;
Don't let life pass you by.

Blink.
Stop blinking.
Keep your eyes open.

...Blink.
It's hard.
I know.
But you have to...

Try.

I was once a believer in true love
I thought that if someone showed enough interest
And enough care and love
Enough tenderness and consideration
That they would be able to, in turn, be loved and appreciated all the same
When I gave that to you
When I was a mere player in your game
And bought into your plots and schemes
When I believed your excuses, your deceit
I came to the realization that all you did was reject me
You dangled your love in front of me
Just out of my reach
With that, you ruined me
You singlehandedly destroyed any hope I had for true love
I hope you sleep well at night
Knowing you destroyed someone who was once so sure of herself
And so capable of loving
Now all I am is numb

honestly, i want to travel the world with a lover
or a friend, maybe fall in love along the way?
i want to take pictures and explore
i want to spend nights and days
with the person i love the most
maybe look at the sunset together
and look at the moon as it shines
into the beautiful night
i want a cute relationship
someone to call mine forever
someone who makes me smile
someone who makes me feel beautiful
a person who keeps me positive
someone who treats me like a princess
a person i can be best friends with
as well as more than that
i wish for that all the time
just want to feel like love is real
that's all i have ever wanted
a soulmate, a best friend
a husband maybe?
fairytales do exist
if we find the right one
that's what people say
hoping my wish comes true
and i find someone
who doesn't take me for granted
who loves me with all their heart
someone who makes me feel secure
as well as safe and happy
someone who puts my doubts at rest
someone who melts my insecurities away
a person who keeps my anxiety at bay
a person who stays with me no matter what
and doesn't give up when things get tough
someone who will do anything to make ''us'' work

just someone i can share my life with
a person i can share my happiness with

i mean, that's not too much to ask for...is it?

April-** I could have let it be a one night stand but your body was magnetic.
May- On my birthday I only wished for you.
June-  Our first big fight had us erupting like Mt St. Helens. I drank a bottle of cough syrup and spilled my guts. " I love you " I said. You said it back.
July- I found out you were talking to another woman. I was devastated. I'm with another man; maybe that is how you felt.
August- The discussions about me leaving him are becoming more serious. You are moving back in with your mother soon. Ultimately, I decided suicide was my only option.
September- I did it. I left him for you.
October- Arguments are frequent, and one got me so heated that I went upstate for a few weeks. The first night I got there, I gave myself away to another man. It only made the pain stop throbbing for a moment.
November-  My dad wants to strangle you, and he says you are no longer welcome in the house. Myself and my family are now concerned that one day you will hurt me; and not with your words. I would still love you so.
December- Some nights you are my heater, but most you leave me in the blistering cold.