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 Jul 2013 Katrina Michelle
Effie
One more, just one.
Well maybe two won't hurt.
Another mistake made,
another pill swallowed,
another scar cut,
another thought fabricated.
I used to live a life of pure, untouched, innocent happiness.
Now I live in painkiller-induced fantasies of death and despair.
I stare at the clock, waiting for this to end.
And I have only found that it gets worse.
I used to look for a remedy.
Now, all I want is an end.
All the public pedestrians on main street
See, a business man walking with
A brief case meant for holding important things
They see me and I know they think, that this man has it goin’ on
His paycheck is more than I’ll ever see
And I bet a perfect life fits easily in that brief case
It’s not the case
Let’s get under the skin with injections
To see that
This man is an addict
I’m addicted to I Miss You

Slowly scratching skin
Gradually getting faster
Like I can wipe away her breath with drugs
Picks scabs off arms like memories
But they bleed and run
Reminding me how worse things get when
I try to help
Try to help the addict, I’m an addict

Look at this syringe and call it her kiss
Punctures skin and inject into veins
All the things that made me better than
What I used to be
What he used to be is when he’s high
And the worlds alright
The worlds alright, for as long as this trip lasts
I’m an addict I’m an addict
I’m addicted to I Miss You

I’m addicted to one thing
Trip LSD then move to ecstasy
Snort ******* and swallow some pills
Because they all lead to one thing
Getting high and remember being with her
Sometimes I can hallucinate so hard
That’s she breathing right next to me
See her moving in a black dress
Holding hands for dancing
1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4
I don’t count or dance anymore because I forgot how
Forgot how her heart beat
This is what I do to see her again
I’m addicted to her voice
I’m addicted I’m addicted to
her name
Could even be a drug
It’s like her first letter is a hit and I breathe
Out the last four letters through smoke

Bongs, pipes, syringes and blunts
Drug paraphernalia turns into vehicles
That all take me to the same place
A small town called Human
Because that’s all I want to be
And there’s a city to the North called Reality
They get mixed up sometimes and it’s tough to find work up there
High is the town I visit the most  
But often times I feel like I don’t belong there
And the big city of Over Dose is just a few miles away
Sometimes you get lost looking for Human and Reality that you end up there
Because the directions on the map aren’t finished
The map maker shot himself when he realized God wasn’t hearing him
God moved to a town called I Miss You
I’m addicted
And the last time I checked his next-door neighbor was you
I really want to go to I Miss You and see you but I haven’t been there yet
So wait for me

I’m done visiting these places
High would be a nice vacation spot but I can’t be there all the time
I swear Over Dose could be enough to **** me
I haven’t found I Miss You yet
And its hard to find a place to live and a job in Reality
So, Ima’ take this last hit and hope I can be
Comfortably human
Sitting on the bathroom floor
Reveling in cigarette smoke
And cool linoleum
After I've got my fix.
Body flushed with adrenaline
Coated in a cold sweat
My not so secret addiction
Has triumphed.
The count down starts again.
An addict still has sense,
And if he’s wise,
Still, wisdom -

It is his will
That stands in question.
© 2011 Elephants & Coyotes
This overwhelming temptation
To give into this addiction,
Rather than suppressing it,
Training myself to be
Someone that is no longer free.
She was a child once.
Eyes wide and sparkling with hopes and dreams untarnished.
An entire future stretching out before her.
She saw the world through a kaleidoscope,
A beautiful mess of endless neon colors,
Untouched by darkness and disappointment.
Pain was temporary; A scraped knee, a paper-cut.
Band-aids could heal every injury.

Her smile was a permanent fixture of sincerity,
Radiating happiness. A gaze full of inquisitive wonder.
When she lay her head down at night,
Her chest was not heavy with worries and cares.
Her mind was not filled with the ghosts of her past.
Sleep came easily, a quilt of comforting warmth enveloping her,
Sweeping her away to the land of dreams.

Blissful in her ignorance she lived, unaware that one day,
The monsters under her bed would make a home inside her head.
That her heart would fracture and die.
That the world she had known was a lie.
She wasted all her wishes wanting to be older,
Age was overrated, but nobody told her.

At 8 she was so innocent, at 10 she was just fine,
13 was disillusionment, the start of her decline.
At 15 she was in High School, they told her, "be mature".  
Society screamed conformity, now she was insecure.
At 16 she was lonely, desperation took its hold.
Love slipped through her fingers like drops of liquid gold.
Now, at 17, she's stuck in a recession.
She thought the therapy had dispelled her depression.

She looks in the mirror and despises her reflection,
She is bent, bruised and broken, a mess of imperfection.
Past mistakes, her tormenters, they tear her apart.
Her body, a cage, imprisons her heart.
Each breath is a burden as she lay in bed.
She can't sleep at night, theres a war inside her head.

No one ever told her the price of growing older.
They never said she'd have
A crushing weight put on her shoulders.
Suffocating in this life, poisoned at her core,
Once she was a child,
A child she is no more.
In the same way
He was addicted to *******
She was addicted
To him
And nobody knew how it felt
To be addicted to a boy
That had more on his mind
Then just her.
Pull your teeth out,
threading your lips together with twine.

Reach into your bellybutton with a finger,
hook-shaped,
and remove your intestines,
like a serpent.

Run a hook into your nose,
removing your brain
as if mummifying you.

Carve a smile with a razor,
under each breast,
******* out the fat
and replacing it with silicone.

Pull your nails off,
leaving ****** beds,
krazy-gluing plastic
over the tips of the fingers.

Fingers into ****,
pulling out the ******.

Spoon the eyeballs out,
sew the sockets shut.

My doll, broken and battered,
now fixed in perfection.
A soft suicide relapse into plasticine porcelain -
you tremble when we ****.
Crawls like a ******* with insect legs,
wet cool tongue tickles like a slug
up the inner thighs to the inside of the crotch.

I'm indebted to the doctor who saved me
from nature's attempt to abort me with an umbilical cord -
I owe him a bullet in the brain.

My mother's love
was only there
in her tries to cover the guilt
for strangling me in the womb.
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