is there a reason why I can't imagine my life ten years from now?
people know what they're passionate about
I used to know what I was passionate about
until real life hit me like a truck
and shattered my dreams into fragments on the concrete of my self-doubt
why am I so afraid of my future yet so unsatisfied with my present?

too proud to admit my weakness
too weak to get better on my own

Maybe one day
The kisses will become customary
The gestures of romance will become expected
The late night conversations will become half-hearted
The dates will become obligatory
The feelings will become dry
The connection will become faulty.

But maybe one day
We will fall more in love minute by minute
And I will wake up to your stubble and morning mumblings
And every time we kiss will remind us of the first time
And your romantic gestures will never lose the ability to make my heart stutter
And the late night conversations will not have to end because we’ll talk until the sun embraces the horizon
And the dates will become hunting for a babysitter
And the feelings will flourish
And our connection will remain alive, fueled by the radiance of our Creator

sometimes I feel distant from You but I'm in the palm of your hand
sometimes I try to run away but I  never leave Your embrace
sometimes I try to conceal my tears but they never leave Your gaze

at first, I denied you.
refused to believe that someone like you would notice my camouflaged heart
suddenly, you saw me
and you understood why I was hiding

then I was terrified.
I struggled to push you away
but every time I began to drift, your smile would pull me back in like the tide
unyielding
I relished in the sensation of your gentle affection washing over me- cleansing my bruised heart

then I wasn't afraid anymore.
I allowed myself to heal
through your acceptance, I began to accept myself

my heart is still calloused, but it's becoming softer
my fists are still clenched, but my grip is loosened every time you slip your palm into mine
I will always be guarded- but you might just be the one who gets past the gates
And captures me.

{kay-tee} subj.
I am more than a GPA
I am more than an athletic performance
I am more than flawed skin & a nose that's too big
I am more than the number on the scale
I am more than the number of likes on a feed
I am more than the rumors say
I am more than my fears
More than my secrets
More than my mistakes
And more than my achievements
I am the sun
Ever-changing, always exploding
Too powerful to stare at directly
Nothing can define me without my consent

I pleaded with my heart not to fall but it dove headfirst anyways