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 Aug 2013 Katie Mac
AJ
I think one of the saddest feelings in the world,
Is when the house you spent your whole life in,
The house you took your first steps in,
The house you grew up in from age 0 to now,
No longer feels like yours.
Your room feels like a hotel room.
And you could never fall asleep in any other bed,
But this bed no longer feels like yours.
And you have to get out,
And you know when you're getting out,
And it doesn't seem fast enough,
But you don't want to leave.
You grew up and SOMEHOW
Became an adult while no one was watching,
But you weren't watching either.
And no one was recording it.
And you're not too certain when the exact moment was.
But suddenly you see the world isn't outside the walls of your town.
The world is your town,
And the rest of the world is actually the universe,
And the universe is actually just a town.
And that is terrifying.
"A girl with a bird she found in the snow
Then flew up her gown and that's how she knows
If God made her eyes for crying at birth
Then left the ground to circle the earth."
 Aug 2013 Katie Mac
Briana4545
I'm not cured,
I know that.
But something has changed.
I don't know if it's the new environment,
Or the people,
Or the lack of people,
But I'm not the same girl I was
Six days ago.
I'm no longer the teenage basket case
Who drinks alone
And pierces her own flesh
With a polka dot blade.
I haven't felt the need to starve
Or restrict
Or touch my collarbones
And my hips
Just to make sure they're still there.
I haven't looked at the mirror
In utter disgust
Or cried about the college boy
Who broke my heart.
Now I'm a college girl,
And I can be the heart breaker.
I can walk with my purple head held high
And smile because I know that I have finally
Won.
 Aug 2013 Katie Mac
iridescent
a blinding car light,
will this be the end?
(now i can finally leave this hell)
closed eyes, opened arms, standing in the rain
i trust my demons they said this would end the pain

a white room
where is this place?
(am i in heaven? i should not be)
throbbing headache, blank mind
staring at the ceiling hovering over my eyes.

a man in white
who is this?
(what the hell am i still alive)
flying fists, bruised knuckles
a jab behind my neck, i fell into a deep slumber.

a thick leather strap tied over me
do they think that i'm crazy?
(those who wants to live are indeed out of their minds)
desperate cries, results of my warped perceptions
and my very best friends smirked at my desperation.

standing in the shadows
is this a trap they had set?
(i trusted them so much i thought they would help)
they inflicted pain and led me to another hell
but it's okay, everyone i knew never meant me well.
All armies are the same
Publicity is fame
Artillery makes the same old noise
Valor is an attribute of boys
Old soldiers all have tired eyes
All soldiers hear the same old lies
Dead bodies always have drawn flies
 Aug 2013 Katie Mac
Gary Muir
in a town in which I've never been
you light a cigarette and try to smoke me out of your mind
while I sit here, my ashtray filled with pencil stubs
from trying to write my arms around you

I haven't slept since you left
I've spent my nights searching for the sun
for if I found it, I'd climb right on top
so I could be with you in the morning

but my mornings remain rivers after a storm
memories flowing by like debris
I can't reach them without falling in
so I stand and watch them go

its the watching I can't stand
watching your hand slip from mine
watching the wrong time
convince us that we can't be together

I feel helpless, hopeless
these days hold me prisoner
the hurt trying to torture remorse from my lips
but I will never regret the days I spent with you

when I was with you
you looked at me like there was no past or future, only now
you listened to me like I was Buddha preaching the Eightfold Path
you spoke to me like I was memorizing your every word, cause I was

you hugged me
you held me
you kissed me
like I’m a boy you had a crush on became I’m a boy who loves you

but here I’m a boy who misses you

as the wind blew us together,
the rain shall sweep us away
and come fall we’ll be leaves of different colors

i just want to tell you
that for how forcefully my gut protests at the thought of letting you go
I cannot hear its cries when I think of the time I spent with you

you took my heart in your hands, you broke it in and stretched it out,
and then you gave it back
here, you said,
it is ready
always my legendary friend
its winter  
its night in the minds eye
you saw me
you did not speak
you didn't reach out to me
as i passed slowly by
carrying my hearts apocalypse
bleeding from the bitter mote
of that one moment memory
of that point which contact was lost
of that tender touch that remains the last i shall ever have
lean on the steady
but the weight sweeps you off
your newborn feet

the all seeing eye
is really blind
nobody seems to care tho
they all carry on as though knowledge is known
and peace is unattainable

his Buick breaks down on a
far distant backroad
benith a billboard
advertising the end of the road
for all thouse foolish enough to believe
that redemption can be purchased
with a few slick words in the right ear
no confessional tickets
to the great beyond are accepted
in this king james version

there may be a gap
in the knowing
but there's no hole in my heart
there's nothing but love here
for thouse iv shared my road or bed with
for thouse who had a better seeing
of who I am and who I am becoming
in my everyday adventure

i was never really here with you
it was just a vision
of my slowly walking by
carrying the apocalypse of my heart
i was never your intended
never your groom of your forbidden desperation
never meant to be betrothed to your wicked game
i am miles and century's distant
and following the folly or fortune
of my own making
 Aug 2013 Katie Mac
Pluto
maybe, like writing in sand-
our feelings may wash away in
intermittent rain and satiated tide
filled with rough seashell and friendly fish.
maybe, in the nights
where the moon is hidden-
we simply close our eyes to the light
and lie to our incoherent minds
that we were deserted,
and no longer loved
merely to gain some sort of
melancholic self pity.
maybe, our senses
are blind to the most obvious,
to the situations which love us
and people who leave us.
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