Smoke a blunt, pack a bowl send me on my way.

Feeling better but feeling worse every single day.

Dont know what to do about this vicious circle im stuck in.

All I can do is give it to God and let the healing begin.

But I still miss it everyday and Im not sure why.

Why do I love it so much and always wanna get high.

No where else to turn so Im on my knees prayin.

Let God take it over cuz dood he aint playin.

I got the Jesus man holdin it down fightin temptation.

And I cant stop pushin now cuz Im building up Christs nation.

I know that Christ will use me for the greater good.

Just gotta get my story across and be understood.

Cuz I been thru the tradjedies and tried to escape it.

But I had to face reality and Im proud that I made it.

And I couldnt do it without Him yeah my savior till the end.

Only following Jesus not just following some trend.

And nobody can stop me even though satan will try.

But Ima prove him wrong its just a matter of time.

Cuz Ima find the best of me and use it to serve the Lord.

Even if its just my rhymes I wont be ignored.

I'm trying to see God everywhere
But these days I can't help but suspect
That my eyes are faulty, I require Holy Spirit -
tinted glasses to see between the lines of atoms
Because it's hard to find God in these eyes
These eyes that have beheld my mother's tears,
That behold brokenness like beaches hold sand,
These eyes trained and conditioned by the media,
That shapes these eyes to be blind to God.
These pupils dance with delight at the sight of
Jerry Springer and Jersey Shore, they search for
Victoria's Secret and Waldo with the same roaming eagerness
Surely God does not reside there.
These eyes have been scarred with the
burning image of forsakeness and shame
I have seen the naked forms of sons and daughters,
Shameless as the day they walked in Eden,
but the shame resides in my eyes as I,
perched on the branches above like Satan, have lusted.
These eyes that have seen children exposed,
Vulnerable, abused, violated, and forgotten.
These eyes that have seen things they can't unsee
But God is not among them.

But these eyes, these eyes, are all we have.
Shannon, your eyes are beacons on this foggy night.
Their cat-like allure is my desert mirage,
I know they glow because of the God you see.
But Shannon, this world hates your eyes,
Hates them for their widening awe at seeing miracles,
And blessings, at seeing love and grace.
Hates the dew that kisses your Irises as
You lament and mourn broken hearts about you.
Hates your furrowed brow in the face of injustice,
This world that hates the hope that hides
In the corner of your eye, the residue of dreams,
From the night before, it wants to wipe the dust away.
But most of all Shannon, this world hates your eyes
Because they are beautiful.

They are beautiful to see, beautiful to behold,
With them beauty is seen and by them beauty is made.
Because if my eyes are trying to see God everywhere,
Your eyes, Shannon, are succeeding.
Your eyes that have not beheld His crowned silhouette,
Or mountains moved or fire on tongues,
But you have sat on benches and watched children play.
The drooping sun ornamenting the playground,
And blowing purple and red kisses on their cheeks.
Your eyes have watched them like cherubim.
Singing sweet serenades and tapping the children's halos.
Tap Tap Chime, Tap Tap Chime, like the seasons they play.
And all the while Shannon, your eyes see Holy.
They see immaculate in every conception,
Your eyes see miracle and grace in every cell.
And that is beautiful Shannon.

Beautiful like the hallway wallflowers,
The abandoned convict and triumphant gangster,
Beautiful like the stay-at-home dad,
The single mother, the middle child, beautiful.
All of them beautiful with beautiful eyes,
Eyes like yours that capture brokenness like cameras.
The same eyes that see Sacred in every shade,
Hallowed in every ground, Divinity in every breath
That kisses windows and reflections and mirrors
All folded within these eyes.

So Shannon I'm looking for God everywhere,
Simply in every glance, every frame, every shot.
Looking for God like you've found him,
I am jealous for your eyes, those rare gems.
I am jealous like the world is jealous.
But I do not hate your eyes like they do.
For Shannon, you are a prophetess,
Speaking God into being, painting him with your eyes
That see through this maggoty flesh,
And begin to mold my soul into something beautiful,
Because of your beautiful eyes, Shannon,
I can begin to believe that I am beautiful.
That somehow you see God in me with those eyes,
Those sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet eyes,
They do not see what the world sees in me.
They do not see what my shame see, what my past sees,
No they see God in me, and that is beautiful.

Don't sleep with her-
Love her.
Don't smile at her-
Hug her.

If you're there then let yourself be known,
She'll only understand if she is shown.

Don't just look, touch.
And don't, don't ever, think too much.

There was once a girl
and her whispers were like sunshine
peeking through thick leaves
and her hair flowed down like water
rushing with the breeze
and she stood on your stoop
and she said she loved you
but you didn't hear

there was once a boy
and his smile warmed like sweet bread
steaming for the taste
and his words were rich like dark chocolate
twisting your toungue with pleasure
and he stood on his stoop
and he broke a heart
but she didn't hear

there was once a mother
and her ears were like the trees
always waiting to hear the tiniest rustling of leaves
and her hands were like stone
lined by honest strength, bearing no weakness
and she held this smallest hand
and said nothing's permanent
and that heart break can heal or twist
and silence sweet whispers
and slice long hair
but it was all up to the girl

there was once a brother
and his slaps hurt like ice
on soft baby skin
and his lessons burned
like scars from fires long past
and he taught the boy well
how to not feel it hurt anymore
and he brought the boy home
where mama wasn't there
and daddy didn't care
and the boy never learned

not like the girl
who grew up like the tree
proud, and wise, and strong
and whose cares washed away like spring rain
and whose lessons stuck like thick sap

not like the boy
who grew up like a rock in a river
shrinking with every second
letting it all cut him down
and who couldn't handle it all
and who wore away from the world
much faster than the tree...

How many times can this moment exist?
Drifting from minutes to actions within it
Crying, love songs, break up lyrics
It’s not physics, it’s his tricks
Meaningless nights, getting his kicks… off
How many times am I going to play the victim?
Girl just leave him alone, get rid of ‘em
Easier said than done.
Instead of looking at all the wrong, you dwelled on the fun
Not once did he say ‘a little romance, intimacy’
Desiring a piece of me
Am I delusional?
You have no idea how many times I’ve set here and cried
Looked out of my window
Admired the couples that pass
Trying not to feel low
But my sad emotions can not be surpass…ed
You’re not the first perhaps not even my last
The last thing that I’d want is for you to be my past
Each of you get me to write again
Describing my passionate sins
My desire
Into a slow burning fire
I want this to be my last. Time. Feeling like this.
Wish
I was a ****** to pain
Oblivious to her strain
Her persuasive power and gain
Like her, I can’t be tamed.
I thrive off of a challenge.
Each of you very different, but you all left the same imprint
My energy should have depleted by now
But some how…
Because I allow
My spirit to take over
I feel myself rise above the vindication of omission
The oblivion becomes reason
And I’m leaving…you.

I realized I am still in love with you today.
I spotted you with her,
and it rips me apart to think that she took my spot.
I thought you said you loved me,
I guess that was a lie.
I only spoke the truth and I thought you meant what you said,
and it kills me that you could lie to me.
Together forever.
I know those words were uttered.
Now I know that forever is not what it seems.
How could you destroy me like this?
Did you not feel anything at all?
My heart is ripped to shreds and you are the one that has done this to me.
I wish I could forget the past,
but to love you at all is better than not at all.
I miss you.

I waited there for hours long
Not knowing what was going on;
They thought it better that way.

I loved you dearly but now you’re gone
Like the last breath of a lonely song;
My heart is aching with the pain.

Now you’re gone I’m feeling blue,
All I think about is you;
You showed the world to me.

Your teachings help me so thank you
You showed me everything, old and new.

I wish you were still here.
Now the trees seem much more tall
Since you left I’ve started to fall
Into the depths of despair.
And I’m still waiting for you to call.

But I know I’ll hear your voice no more
Or see your smiling face.
And now it is on my bed I lie,
Wishing that you didn’t die;
Leaving me here by myself.

Now all I can do is start to cry,
I cannot stop, although I try
Because you never said Goodbye.

Your death leaves me with heartache
That no one can heal,
But yet your love leaves a memory
None can steal.

You may be gone,
But never
Forgotten.

The wipers interrupted our strained silence.
Even the radio was turned off (I was trying not to cry.)
You were ever-so angry and I was ever-so sorry.

Later, you told me over the phone I was special and you loved me.
I just wasn't sure you meant it until you showed up on the doorstep.