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Kathleen M Mar 2014
I want to touch my feelings.
I want to reach down my throat to pluck away at my vocal cords and play a most destructive tune.
I want to rip my skull open and sift through the gritty things that live there, pull them out and drape myself in those raw thoughts and half ideas.
I want to carve a fantasy from my flesh in a beautiful juxtaposition of depravity and innocence.
I want to devour every inch of skin, get lost in that tangled ecstasy, that increase of breath and the rolling back of eyes at the power of my finger tips.
I want to spiral into the most elegant chaos, out of control and completely at home.
I’m craving excess on all levels.
All frequencies requiring more.
I am Gluttony and there is not a thing in this world that I cannot consume.
Kathleen M Jan 2014
Anne came and  left  but I remember  the sweet  cider and the wood stove, the smell of her paints. She sings songs from Chicago, and brings to life the northern lights on the canvas, the wolves, the scenes. Her songs, the guitar she plays. She croons about damaged men and neglected love. Country and blues, telling me about the costume she has for her next bar song night, her singing partner will be a Patsy Cline look alike. Anne makes Saskatoon jam, tucks me in on the couch, and tells me stories.
We walk along the trails on the acridge, Anne tells me about plants we see, like the pea vine. She encourages me to climb the tallest trees. She hears me sing and sees promise, talent, a dream waiting to happen. She gets me into theater, one of the greatest gifts I've ever received.
She brings me flowers to my shows and I always find her in the big crowds.
I remember the painting, the beautiful field with billowing clouds lazily crossing the sky in the wind. It was in the apartment that she shared with her boyfriend. He had an awful temper and it took more than it should have for Anne to finally leave him.
She stayed with us for a while, a few lovely months before leaving.
It was a few years after she disappeared before I found the demo CD of Anne singing her country and blues. Sometime I just sit and play it on repeat, its a treasure, a gateway to all those memories.
Memories of a proud and beautiful woman who helped shift my life in the direction of art and creation. A woman who was there when I was an infant and when I was a child.
I love Anne and the memories she left in her wake. Anne came and left but I remember everything.
Kathleen M Dec 2013
I treasure those eyes the best, so lovely each night. Long lashes fluttering with your trademarked twisted elegance. I trace your skinny hips and kiss your scarlet  lips, we lay  close and and whisper across the quiet divide. I sit  inhaling smoke and exhaling pretty words that roll off the tip of my tongue, sliding down the floor boards. Drinking, spinning in sickly sweet light. I can tell  them, always trusting the people I meet, dancing to the sweet spot. Wicked am I, missing the saunter of those long lovely  legs. Trapped a loop of taunting, teasing laughter. We all talk crazy, tangled and comfortable in each others hair, this is the closest to perfection I've ever been.
Kathleen M Dec 2013
What if I told you I found the sweet spot, the perfect combination of want, desire and satisfaction, the perfect balance of risk and thrill, the best adrenaline rush.
I'll share it with you.
Are you ready?
Can you enjoy the dark and lovely, that beautiful spinning moment, the freedom?
It's mine, it can be yours too, breathe it in, **** it down, devour every taste and color, savor it, it won't last forever. Revel in it, drown in it, wicked laughter and twisted minds, wannabe gangsters and the real thing. A sea of crazy and delight
Who are you?
What are you?
I'll show you the art of spinning out of control. Time to unwind and unravel.
This is my dream, my wild unbound satisfaction.
The writing on your face.
The drugs.
The *****.
The crazy.
The dangerous.
Its all mine, and I soak it up relentlessly.
Kathleen M Dec 2013
I sit here in the glowing warmth, the fire pushes back the cold night and I pick bits of the forest from my hair. Tonight I took more effort to hide the flames from view, it was the way he watched me. Unsettling and uncomfortable. Piercing. I left bits of burning birch to to ward off the obvious gaze with distraction. First night I've been afraid out here. The fire offers comfort but only against animals.
The unwanted man is another matter entirely.
Kathleen M Nov 2013
Cigarettes and sweet alcohol
That's what you taste like
It's cold here but you're warm
Your mouth
Your hands
All over my skin
This moment
This roughness
This sweet sensation
This illusion
I hope we meet again
Kathleen M Oct 2013
Face pressed to the pavement
Inhale
Exhale
“Is she alright””
“What is she on?”
I close my eyes and listen as a laugh bubbles out of my mouth
Smoke drifts by on lazy wind
Pass the bottle round the circle
The sun casts long silhouettes as the day struggles to end
Peace
He throws me over his shoulder and we swim in laughter and carelessness
He’s so skinny
We all pile into a heap of bodies in the grass
Tangled up in drug addled murmurings
Here with my life
Here with my dreams
Wrap me up in this chemical safety
This is where I live
In this place of poisoned innocence
This breathtaking recklessness
This is where I found hope
This is where my heart lies
This is where my life after death continues
Don’t let this moment end
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