These past few months I was different

Flipped upside down
Turned
Twisted
And a couple few miles from where I needed to be

My heart had been fooled
Led astray

I thought I knew what I wanted
I thought it was the right choice
I thought it was my choice

But I am only a child
Naïve and lusting for love

I wanted to be loved
I wanted to be wanted
And if that meant compromising everything I believed in
I didn’t mind

I jumped
I ran
And I skipped

It was great for a while
I was happy
But I was asleep

Sleep walking
Sleep running
Sleep loving

I was unaware where I was headed
But you held my hand and led me further
Making sure not to wake me

You thought I was going willingly

And when I showed signs of consciousness
Of realization

You ripped your hand from mine
Like a band-aid
That’s what it felt like

You looked me in my eyes and showed me what I didn’t want to see
And you were gone

I was 5 months away from myself
And you were back where you wanted to be

Now I walk this road alone
Searching for the pieces of me you took

Nothing calms me like the bare trees in late February
Nothing screams “serenity” like the winding wet concrete
Nothing soothes my soul like the mailboxes flying past my window

The music fills the voids
Gives me a little more to think about
Than what is real

Where is the life I long for?

In my hands
Or down the wire

It is uncertain
It is in pieces

I am simple

Let this wind blow through my hair
Let it separate me from myself

I am happy

I’m a virgo

The ******

An earth sign

The seasons on this earth are so beautiful
I wish you could’ve seen the beauty in mine

But you are an aries

The ram

A fire sign

You were always warm
And I was warm too

But at times I could be cold
Rainy
Snowy
Sometimes even stormy

Perhaps that’s why you left

You never felt the need to invest in a rain jacket
Or snow tires

Because when you met me I was all sunshine
And glasses full of lemonade

You had no idea that I was temperate
My seasons were well defined

And when my winter months took you by surprise
You felt the cold creeping onto you
Your warmth refused to compete with my cold
And you left

Come back in a couple weeks
I promise it’ll be different

But just come prepared this time
With your umbrella
And your snowpants

I’m a virgo

An earth sign

The seasons on this earth are so beautiful
I wish you could’ve seen the beauty in mine

I wish you would've stuck around
At least long enough
To catch a glimpse of summer

Treat me like somebody
I'm begging you

Nothing tears me apart
Like the way you treat me
Like I am nothing
To you
Anymore

Notice the hurt in my voice
Notice my shaking hands
Notice my fake smile
That you told me you didn't like as much as my real one
Notice me
Again

Because I cant take being nothing
To you
Anymore

You know that scar that you have
The one on your right hand
On the soft spot between your thumb and your pointer finger
That one

I remember when you cut yourself
I remember hoping that it would leave a big scar
One of the ones people notice
And ask you about

Because I knew this was too good to last
You would grow bored
And look for someone new

I knew that

And I hoped that when your new girl asked you how you got that scar
The one on your right hand
On the soft spot between your thumb and your pointer finger

You would look at it
Think of me
Think of my family
Think of Christmas
Think about my smile
And the way I loved you

You would look at it
With a pain in your chest
And say you don't remember