I swear I’m not “crazy”
My pain is real
Not in my head

I swear I’m not
Suffering from “anxiety”
As I’m laying in this hospital bed

Romances come and go,
People love and then leave
Why can’t we live in a fairy tale
When all we have to do is ‘believe’?

Why won’t my fairy godmother visit?
Why can’t we wish upon a star?
Why can’t we live ‘happily ever after’?
Why can’t I have a prince from a kingdom afar?

Maybe this is a fantasy
Or maybe reality is harsh and cold
But without the struggles and the pain
The magic couldn’t stand out so bold.

Drowning in my own tears
But I’m their only cause.
Depreciating according to Culture’s standards
Of a girl with no blemishes or flaws

My emotions have been put behind bars
My soul is dying behind this face
For while on the inside im in pain
All you can see is a woman of beauty and grace

People think that they know me
But they only know the ’me’ that I show
For the real me is not approved of by our society
Living my life on a self-inflicted death row

The roses in our garden
Are watered with tears, and not rain
The roses in our garden
Are blossomed by my sorrows and my pain

I don’t know how they got here
And I don’t know if they’ll ever leave
All I know is that they thrive best
When I lay by their roots to grieve

Their beauty mocks my suffering
And their petals reflect my sorrow
It seems they take away my joy
They hope to steal, not borrow

They feed off my flowing river
A river, not short of supply
For as long as we stay together
This river will never run dry

Our garden is our relationship
This superficial, dying flame
Maintaining this garden kills me
I can no longer keep it tame

Don’t ever trust a pretty garden
For it takes sacrifice to make it that way
It drains life to keep it red and pink
And it’s a price I’m not willing to pay

You’re the monster under my bed
A creature hunting for it’s prey
Victims come running as fools of love
When all you love for, is to play

You’re a wolf in sheep’s soft clothing
Prowling along the city’s streets
You lie to me as often as you breathe
As often as my heart tenderly beats

If only fools fall for you
Then I guess that means I’m a fool
I let my guard down and was forced to pay
The toll, so damaging and cruel

I’m not in love with you
But I’m in love with the stories you told
I spent all my diamonds on your deceptions
And I bought every last lie that you sold

diamonds behind your eyelids
your stained glass iris
those shining, crystal tears
slowly killing me like a virus

your cold trembling hands
like ice, perfectly carved
your endless need for love
finds itself continuously starved

I am happy
but it's only a mask

I am cheerful
but it feels more like a task

I cry with tears of joy
when really they're tears of pain

I claim im growing to be a better person
when I don't know if I'll ever be myself again

She looks in the mirror and cries
For she is not the beautiful woman she once used to be
She looks in the mirror and weeps
For the loss of the reflection she used to see

Our culture tells her that she’s bad
Because she has freckles and wrinkles and such
And she forgets to stop and think
That maybe looks don’t matter all that much

For appearance fades and standards change
But one thing stays constant and true
Its the inside that truly matters in life
That bright, bold, beautiful you

Her eyes held all the stars of the sky
And her smile held the warmth of the sun
The wrinkles in her eyes held wisdom
But her complexion showed all the battles she had won

For before a diamond is a crystal
It is refined and purified through heat
Before a maiden can be rescued from her tower
There is a dragon the knight must defeat

There is no victory without a battle
And there is no glory in an unfought war
Without struggle, there can be no resilience
You can't know peace until you’ve experienced the gore

when I asked if you were ok,
you hesitated

in your hesitation, I found my answer

I can always forgive
But I will never forget.
It is largely viewed as a curse
Fueling malice and hate, but yet,

Maybe it’s not a bad thing
To remember you were wronged,
For then you know how to treat other people
And restore things to where they belonged

What do words mean anymore
When they’re used for such shallow things
For there are no words that can heal the wounds
That losing a father brings

“I love you” is a meaningless, worthless phrase
And “have faith” means about the same
Some people don’t understand
That these words simply add fuel to the flame.

Have you ever heard a story
That didn’t end in ‘happily ever after’?
For the greatest story I’ve ever known
Wasn’t filled with happiness and laughter.

Stories like cinderella and sleeping beauty
And princess and the frog, I won’t bother
For, by far, the greatest story of them all
Is of a girl and her sick father

I’m surrounded by more people than ever,
So why am I so alone?
For all of these relationships are ripping apart,
Every precious friendship I’ve sewn.

Will you live today as an optimist
Or will you let life be boring and dull?
Will you seek to conquer and drive each day,
And live life with a glass half full?

Will you live life with false hope and expectations,
Or will you acknowledge reality, and gain some control?
For living with a more negative look on life
Can help you focus on achieving your ultimate goal.

Is there a balance between these two,
Between the positive and the not?
Maybe there’s some warm in-between
Of the icy cold and the scalding hot.