I grew up believing in travel and love,
Airplane tickets and a little shove
Out of the house by 5:00 AM
and a whole new worlds by 12:00
From mountains and bikes to casinos and smoking
From schools projects to ***** joking
A whole new world this was
Although I loved this world simply because
It's sky remained the same
And when I looked down, it wasn't out of shame
But rather to thank the surface beneath my feet
And the sage scented air I'm so thankful to breath
Nostalgia comes with this world of mine
This child within me continues to shine
Because I grew up believing in travel and love
I grew up believing in someone wiser than I, up above

I shouldn't be missing you anymore,
but that doesn't mean I don't
I miss you being my person
I want to tell you this, but I wont

I wont ruin the happiness you've finally found
I won't be the ruckus in your white sound
I'll watch from a distance
because us becoming close has been off ever since

Since the night we let the truth come out
the night you convinced yourself to shout
your feelings for me and what they had meant
You learned your lesson not to vent

Because as usual I ran to my go-to
Shutting you out and cutting you off
Leaving you speechless which was more than enough

Your silence made movements in me I didn't think I could make
Jumping to conclusions was my forte
I assumed you'd leave like they had all done
So I left you to wake up alone to the beaming sun

And the bright future it had planned, for you too
The future you deserve, now I wish I knew
How home's been, and where you are
I miss you but we've always worked better afar

i don't want to feel like i'm the only girl in the world
i want to feel like i'm the only one you think about
even if i'm not
why can't you just lie to make me feel better?
instead, you're so ******* honest
at least you're honest

I want to believe that love exists
I want to believe that I can love and not be exhausted
I want to be believe that I can be loved and not be insecure
I want to believe that I'm able to let someone in and not be worried
I want to believe a lot of things
I do believe that love is a feeling thing not a doing thing
It's not a task
I don't want to find out that I love only when I let go
I want to believe in love
And I want to believe that someday I will love and be loved

is love just a game? it appears to be so..
for some people, they seem to just know
it feels like a special club of some sort
some date for love and others date for sport
how long is too long?
is a year too short?
and will there be a sign?
because i feel like i've missed it
i know what love is, so why am i a misfit?

I used to be more fond of the night
Its darkness freed me
Its silence spoke to me
I learned almost everything I know about myself at night,
But then I began learning even more things
during lonely days that seemed never-ending
When no one answers their phone,
So you're left with your thoughts
Light illuminates things in a way that night couldn't possibly dream of,
And darkness has a way of bringing out the worst of things, people
So now I run through the night
as fast as I can
I don't want to be out long enough to meet what awaits me,
But in the back of my mind is every intoxicated summer's eve
where the stars accompanied me home
and lit up your face in all the right places
And every peaceful winter night
where the smoke and laughter in our lungs kept us warm
And when time pauses for me to remember those moments,
I can't choose between night or day

I go through each day
aware in the darker corners of my mind
that you are wrapped throughout and around
every part of me that is alive.
there is a setting on my brain set to your name
there is a hum in my ears
that oddly resembles your voice when you first wake up in the morning
there is a vague tingling on the tips of my fingers
that mimics the silk fabric of your skin
it’s as if you painted the freckles on my body,
you molded its curves,
you dipped each strand of hair in color
and stenciled my irises with your reflection.
I will hold you,
as you have held me.