He might still think about you each night
That reminds him of the ones you used to share.
He probably is just too scared,
To tell you he still cares.
Even in the first place,
He never once said
"I care about you".
That doesn't mean he never felt it,
And it doesn't mean he ever stopped
Loving the way you laughed,
Joked around with his friends,
And held his hand too tight.
He probably still wants to wrap his arms around you
And take you to the movie theater.
He still thinks about the way you made him feel.
That you made him feel at all.
He's still there,
He's just scared that you're not.

I liked you because,
In your presence,
I was human.
And I was beautiful.
But the mirror was empty,
To me.

2. You still look at me in the hallways.
Am I still beautiful to you?
It doesn't matter.
I know I am.

3. I saw you in my dream,
The other night.
And we kissed
Just like we used to.
But I woke up screaming in fear.

4. We don't speak anymore.
"Growing apart" is not an excuse.
I need more.
I need "I'm sorry" and "I will try"
But it's my fault,
Right?

5. I wrote you seven letters.
One each day I missed you
During that week.
I threw them out.
You don't miss me.
Anymore.

6. She looked beautiful
On the glistening shore
In the hot summer sun.
She looked beautiful
Even when she cried
Because it was my fault,
Again.

7. I still think about you
On the nights I am laying awake,
In a bed made for you and me,
Not just me.

8. And you,
What if I told you I was too in love with you?
Would you believe me?
No.
"We" both know you loved me more.

Once upon a time,
You smiled each time I stared into your soul
And told you all the things
That made me want to hold your hand
That very first time.

There was a day,
Not long ago,
When you looked at me with eyes that shined
Like the sun on the sea.

Those eyes made me fall
Deeper and deeper
In love with you.
But that love became locked.
Cold.
Measured.

The love has started fading.
From your side,
As well as mine.
The sparkle of the sea,
Replaced with brick walls
And concrete sidewalks.
The smile,
Transformed into a kitchen counter,
Cluttered with loaves of bread and unopened letters.

The desire to hold your hand in mine
And comfort you as tears roll down
Your once soft cheeks
Has gotten away from me,
Like leaves escaping their branches.
The flowers that once grew inside the cracks of my walls
Have all died
From a lack of being watered,
By the hand that planted them there.

His voice sparkled like the rain
On a hot summer day.
Nobody could stop themselves
From being absorbed into conversation
With this interesting,
Young,
Man.

The way he smiled at his little brother
And the small child looked up at him
In awe and wonder
Hoping, one day
He would have the opportunity
To be half as great as him.

That girl.
She saw something in him the others couldn't
He had passion
And love
And joy.
When she met him,
She found a scar just as big as hers.

Neither of them spoke a word
About the knife in their hearts.
But together,
They were healing.
On their way to a better day.

But,
She refused
To let the light fill in the gaps
Between her fingers,
Even though it was flowing out of the hand
She was meant to hold.

Goodbye and I'm sorry
They hurt to say
But hurt more to be heard
The light between her fingers,
Was never seen again.

Missing you
Does not come in waves
But instead
In earthquakes
Measuring a 9.0

It starts in my heart
And runs up to my head
Tearing apart the only part
Of my body
That doesn't want to want you.
Anymore.

Your breath stored on shelves
Inside my lungs
Is washed away
With a tsunami off the eastern coast
Of my rib cage

Each valve in my pounding rock of a heart
Is failing
From the avalanche of stories
Roaring down my throat

The natural disaster
In my eyes
Forces me to see
Nothing,
But you.

At 14,
She can't fall asleep at night
Blood spilled on the sheets
Razors on the desk
Tears on her cheeks.

At 14,
She sits in the woods
A killer in between her lips
Fire in her pocket.

At 14,
She is popping pills
For every problem
They cannot fix.

At 14,
She can't get out of bed
Her legs heavy
Her mind heavier,
Telling her she will never be good enough.

At 14,
She has no more skin
Left unscathed
She has no more faith,
No more hopes,
No more smiles.

Too bad she will never know
How 15 turns out

The white walls,
The white sheets,
The white gloves,
They all seem to blend together
And although this white is whiter than most,
All I can see is the dark cloud hovering over my troubled head.
The 75 pound weights tied to my feet
Pulling me under the surface
Making me scream.
The nurses,
Dressed in white,
Tell me it is going to be okay.
"She's in a better place" they say.
How can it be a better place if I'm not in it with her?
How can it be a better place if I'm here,
Without her?

I blamed myself
I resented myself
It was all my fault
I could have done something
So I spent years beating myself up
Tearing apart my skin
Crying until my I could no longer see