When you said "Goodbye",
I did not believe you meant it
But you did
My heart stopped pounding
Inside its prison
Buried deep beneath
My aching tissue

I suppose,
In some ways,
I left you
Because I failed to return
In the moment you needed me most
I failed to say my own "Goodbye"

I missed the most important "I love you",
"I'll miss you",
And "I'll see you soon"
But I so wanted
To see you soon
To set this heart free
To break down its prison bars

And I tried.

I want to crawl back
to the days
on the couch
in the heat
with my head on your bare chest
and your hands in my hair.
I want to hide in your trust
and safety
of water gun fights,
piggy back rides,
and hammocks for two.
I want to sneak back behind your garage
and trace your soft skin
with mine.
I want to return
to you.

You are my sun
My moon
And all my stars

Without you
I would have nothing to grow the flowers of my mind
Nothing to light the path in the dark of night
Nothing to gaze out at
When I need some hope
That there is more out there
For you and me

You are the metal rod in my spine
Keeping me from falling over

You are the pencil in my hand
Begging me to try just one more time

You are the smile
That lights up my face
When you whisper “I love you”

You are the pink elephant I clutch
As I fall asleep
Keeping me warm
You are the 18 pairs of Converse
Inhabiting my bedroom floor
Always providing me protection

You are my freedom
The thing I will always fight for

You are the tissue
Always wiping away my tears

You are the tracks on my brain
Reminding me of how lucky I am

You are the hose
Spraying down my burning kitchen
Washing away all the bad
To preserve all the good

You are my legs
Giving me the strength I need
To dive off the block
To sprint from the starting line
To wake up each morning just to see you

You are my camera
Snapping memories that will never fade

You are my safety knot
Always there if I need you
Always there even if I don’t

You are my favorite sweater
My security blanket
My warmth

You are my hands
Feeling the softness of your skin
The bite of the first snow

You are rainy days
Perfect for movies
Wrapped up in blankets

You are my heart
Filling my veins
With all they need
But most of all

You are my brain
Keeping me going
Making everything work
Giving me ideas
Letting me love you

You are my love

You are perfection
And with your arms around me
I’m invincible

They ask me over and over again,
"What boy hurt you to make you this way?"
And I laugh.
Because they are too ignorant to understand
Liking girls does not require a previous pain,
Or being touched by a hand you thought you could trust
Love has no ****** preference
And love has no gender
So I am forced to ask them,
"What girl hurt you to make you that way?"
They look at me puzzled
And they don't understand
Because their normal only has one definition
And that is theirs.
They don't understand that maybe,
Just maybe,
I deserve love in which ever way makes me feel the butterflies in my tummy
And makes my hands perspire in the pocket of my hoodie
They can't seem to see
That I have seen more love in the curves of her back
Than they will ever see on their knees.
But no matter how much I tell them that there is nothing wrong with me,
That no boy hurt me,
They persist.
They no longer ask.
They just plainly state,
"A boy hurt you and made you this way."

You held me like no other.
You smiled at me like you meant it.
You poured your feelings on pages and pages for me.
You felt more for me than anyone else.
But I couldn't let myself love you.
Because loving you would hurt too much
Loving you would be too risky.
Loving you would mean no more safety.
Even though there is no safer place than in your arms.
But I can't do it.
I can't let myself love someone so deeply.
Because I'm afraid.

It always happens this way,
Doesn't it?
She leaves
And then you are left here.
Alone.
With nobody left
To hold you
And smile at you.
God--that smile.
The smile that lights up every room
And that laugh you can hear a mile away,
In a good way.
Always in a good way.
But now that is gone.
And there is nothing I can do.
That is all.