Don't just bury the pain
Mask it with pills
The trauma will still be there until you face the ills

I like to sleep in my bedroom
I like to chill in my bedroom
I like to dance in my bedroom
I like to eat in my bedroom
I like to study in my bedroom
I like to cuddle in my bedroom
I like to **** in the kitchen
***** dishes piling up

I'm disappointed in others
I'm disappointed in myself

I've felt in survival mode most my life
Fight or flight
I've struggled to relax

Perhaps with love we attract the kind of love we are not ready for
Then perhaps it isn't love at all
Just a distraction
from
our
self

You are Divine
You shine from within
You have always been and always will
You are the love you so often want to give away
You are unconditional in every way
Life seems to forget this
Lessons along the stay
Faith connects us back to this place
We go into our selves and the source of all is known
Our love eternal
Spiritual
Divine
Whole
We in essence are home

You have always had the love inside
Your heart is there loving you from within
Your spirit your essence
Your divinity
💗

Let hurts
Soften and Strengthen
To harden be to break yourself and others

I need a love that's deep
I want to feel you inside me

Twin flame don't you see what a mess you made of me

But we were in a mess to begin with



Let's burn it all away..

If I have Gods love do I deserve another
Too much want to find my lover
Can anyone really love me as if I'm enough
I try not to reach but my heart longs for love
I can't go back to what or whom once was
Soulful heart no love above
Howling winds a part
from a peaceful dove

The broken pieces
The bits of clay that hold the water as it spins away
Does it need to be fixed
Or can we cherish it as it is
The parts fit a mold of another shape or can make a mosaic to create the pictures face
What do you see

Does it change the picture
Does cherishing the broken make them whole

As I lay on the mat
Stretched my legs up for more flexibility
My dog licked my left side of my face for 15 minutes
I let him
I giggled at that

Want me to love you??
Love yourself!

Dreams of flying
Angels wings
Buffalo in open fields
Maybe in dreams need to be free

A country cottage little cliche winding path
Roses planted in the garden as flowering buds border the home
A place where garden and house combine to grow alongside each other
To be feeling fresh air in both lungs, outside and in
A place to call my own where the wildlife roams willingly and I finally feel free
Maybe adding a little view by the sea :)

Dreams turning restless in my head
Fear lifting out to purge on screams to shout
Faces grotesque
Beckoning to test
I face
Even in sleep and half dream state
Tonight's
Dragons at my side
One rogue
Red hot blooded
Fire in eyes  
Wanting to take all that's mine
Stripping bare skin from Dragon kin
I fear somewhat
Though protective in nature
Dragons of Guide
Courageously
Took to the
Skies
Onwards we ride!
Into
Battle
Towards
Dark
of
Night

Dream of summer
As winter washes away
The icicles melt
Frosty ground turns to green
Leaves crisp now breathe
Suns glow warms the skin
Birds singing songs for summers win
Cold drink refreshing to sip
Cooling dip in the lake
Children play as popsicles melt
White fluffy clouds draw pictures to high
Eyes glisten basking in a solace lullaby

You are etched into my dreams
You turn me around tell me everything is going to be alright
Hold me in your strong arms so very tight
But even in my dreams you are too stubborn to see what can't be seen
I miss the man you could be

Into the dreams of the night
Syncing apparitions appetite
All the perceived projections come to light
All the masks are stained
Playing the small game
of little gain
Even the hiding is seen
Smokescreen fiend
Cleaned
in
dreams

Dreams turn to nightmares
Feeling strong hold
The need to escape
Fighting to wake
Lifted to veil
Bed covered sail
Movement in the air
Horizon
fading
        away
Drifting to another
stay

Can't close my eyes to sleep
Though rest beckons
In dreams the pain fades
Spirit is in a higher state knowing fate
Each morning wake
Paint on brave face
Create a smile

Rocket balloon flying far so soon
Reaching highs that scare eyeline  
In the way of incoming plane
Near miss fatality
Then aircraft more clearly
too a hot air fare
Someone trashing up a car playing to the high
Not seeing beneath skies rise
So busy looking on the ground seeing the broken surrounds
Perhaps can view the two keeping one eye on the ground while flying soaring more
Knowing the level between it all
Releasing staying small

Up with the snooze
Later slight delay
Listen to the words on video play
Speaking of rockets how journey climb to align
Then washing up the crockery
I look and see balloons released to the clouds
So many balloons
Blue and white
Same colours
as rockets
that were
in flights
Zoom

We are dying to ourselves
Our past has paved the way
The experiences shaped us
Sometimes got in our way
The surroundings opened or closed us
The longings tore our hearts
The not belonging fraught us
Told us we should part
We are dying to ourselves
The ones we thought we were
The ones we thought we had to be
Which shaped our darkly lair
We are throwing away the old
Tearing it at the seems
We are observing past patterns and pulling out the guillotine
We are dying to ourselves who we once were who we believed and deemed
The breaking down is painful but so has the images and beliefs we have seen
How do we become now
How do we begin
We start from what we love
The heart and souls dream
We build
The dream team

Little girl in a dream she's frightened of her chaotic scene
On the edge up so high she can feel the fret already rushing by
Imagine that
She doesn't want to be so close to the ledge no more
She wants to let go
She does
Slides down the angled bus
Wakes up still scared
Dripping with sweat
Camera cartoon images projecting
Burying head in the covers
Gets up
Freshens up
Writes above passage
Thinks about love
Posts the words hopes it's enough
Lays back down her head
Tries again to rest

Although crazy and wild
I sometimes feel
My dreams are more real
than my waking world

Dreams
blend in
to reality
So is it
just
a dream

Moon comes up
The night comes out
The air cooler now
Resting body eyes close down
Blanket covers gentle sounds
Covers tug and veil opens surrounds
Heating up dripping brow
Hands clammy clenching round
Reaching to mop pouring pound
A lighter frown
Shaking the spill drifting around
Dreams leak with conscious mind
Boiling point hitting hard
An ocean flood from own fenced yard
Stream of elements bard
Fire burns on the skin
Inside
I'm
drenched
to
the
core



A
Drop
More

So I took out my box of tricks
Costume attire wigs and snippets
A look suitable for halloween
I changed and dressed and wasn't satisfied
Til I found my Witchy Queen
She was standing there in front of me
Didn't need a big screen
Just a black dress
Outfit sorted!

Tired now
Feel like I'm floating on a cloud
Bobbing up and down
Energy pulsating between flesh and bones
I could sleep more but I won't
Just lie here a little while longer as I write and watch the light and shadows of the skies drifting allure

Unknown secrets only to ourselves
Drip
to
the
bottom of the wishing well
a story no other could sell
It's our pennies for a thought
Our tale to tell

We are the leaves falling off the tree
We are dying
To be reborn

Scratch
Scratch
Scratch
the
wound
Make
em bleed

They'll dry up soon

Death dreams plague the mind
Am I moving forward
Or leaving it all behind

I feel her dying and that's ok
Not sure if I'm grieving for the emotions the past or her
I'm happy to let parts of her that no longer serve die
I'm happy to keep the caring sensitive kind parts to her but I feel I'll be content to let the worrisome, insecure, fearful, undervalued, disrespecting parts of her die
I see my future and it's not her who belongs
She lives with wings

Each day a new dream to dream
A new sky to live under
Another hope to gleam
Birds gliding in-between the subtlety of our minds

Each night
I dream I'm dying so when it comes to death I'll be more prepared

Opposites attract and likes repel
Together we can be Heaven and or Hell
It's still an attractive proposal/ tender you see
So you be you, and I'll be me
Together we can grow
shape
chase
walk
or fly with wings

Taste the bite
Fill the blood
See night vision
As you should
You may crawl
It's all good
Pinch me now
Let's
open         up

Get your self to that loving happy place
To the beauty and heart full of grace
Be thankful for the world we make
The greatness and the small



But for today an echoing ache

It will all come back round to it's resting place

We can love
through
it all

Too sensitive
Not enough
Weak
Weird
Inadequate
Beliefs grown out of love

Bumped my head
It hurt
Sick I felt
Wobbly walking home
Felt strangely light
Although day began with joyous and funny tone
Saw signs to say stay or go
Words on transport
See many times before
It calls out each time
I never know which side more for
Got in tidying up to do
Washing on
Birthday lunch for my canine pal
All the while off balance but calm
I knew you should keep awake
Though choose to rest down and lay
What was for me will be
Will stay
Either way
Belief in faith
Had no opposition or sway
Closed my eyes to drift away..
In a deepened state eyes saw my own eyes staring back at me
I saw details I didn't consciously know
Window to soul
Woke up
Friend had made eggs on toast
And off I go!..

Taking each and every last breath
and
not knowing
when
you
can

Breathe



again

Ashes stoked
Dusty cloak
Within the grains a fire chokes
Smoke covered hearth
Coal is lit
Heating embers in my chest
Built from ash
Build upon it

The meditation brings up the body to relax and the feelings and emotions to the light
I felt as the tears streamed from my eyes
I heard the internal chatter the dialog of the reasons for the pain
The strain
The lack of feeling of gain
Failures reign
The stories of worthlessness and the criticisms stain
The ones who have walked away or not been too close
Wondering why they couldn't love me
Also sensing they did what they could from the place they were at
And how I still love me even through and after all that