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Why do I waste my time
Why do I settle for less than my worth
Do I even know my worth
I know each is worthy but then it takes its toll
The bell rings another round of disharmony
I'm left to
               change
it's tune
I think you are my favourite tune
I could play with you all day long
And still be turned on to hear your invigorating song

Play with me ;)
Even as a child I thought life was a dream
It never felt like my dream though

Think I just accepted
and stopped
dreaming
Grey gloomy wet and dank
Weathers not many care to thank
It's a day indoors
To explore and ponder more in mind
Thinking about warm summers and blissful days left behind

The day change the mood
How we shift and move with the times
Sometimes in our groove other times stormy climbs
You feel battered as the rain as though nothing will change
Then at a huge surprise the wind and rain give way

Clouds begin to lighten
                             Move across to clear sky

Sun Ray's wide
Warming feeling from outside
Lifting us up within
A toast!
Where to begin...
................

Here's to  Turadh!!

Hope we get our sunny break too!
Thanks for shining your light!  
A break for me and you!

It can't rain

all
the
time
I try.. and I try... and I try....
But I am so ******* tired
And I don't even know if you even care about me
At All!
About anything I do or how I feel
I try to show care but it gets thrown back at my ugly face
I try to make the effort but I'm just left feeling and seething
What's the point!
Feeling ugly maybe that's just me
Twisting vipers
**** your poison dry
Unhealthy fragments turn to ashes
Charming spirit of the sky
Feel the music
Sweet sentient lullaby
Heartfelt soothing
Cherished love
beyond
drawn lines
Gifted to remind
Inside
your presence
Deep with
mine
I try so hard to break away
As it's not with me you want to stay
Then in dreams you come to me
Souls together in harmony
No separation between
Spirits dancing freely
Easy
Effortlessly
Melancholy on waking
The water may be clear but the glass may not
Sweaty fingers smearing the outside container
Muddying up our view of the clean flow  
Tipping away the contents
unless we taste its smooth
cool afterglow
Unclear glasses piled up
in the sink
The people with whom I share my life are not the conventional norm
The broken up relationships remain as friends and family
expected to walk away some have stuck by me
The friends I have never met but share a care and love
The blood family that don't see eye to eye but manage to somehow rise above
The ones I choose to be around although views aren't always shared
The animals who've brought such bountiful joy
My dog Orko my dearest beautiful baby boy
I am grateful for all I have and all I know
These people and pets very important to me
I try not take for granted
Pardon me at times though
I'm human and I make mistakes
I try to learn and grow
I love the ones I have around
and this I want to show
Under a waterfall
Heavenly
dew
rain
down
Pour
onto
this
vessel
Health
Wealth
Love
Abundance
to
jewel
this crown
Awake in the dark again
listening to the groaning wind
  but it's actually light outside
Sometimes your eyes just need to adjust
The wind is relaxing from this current place
Just because you feel sad, alone, and unhappy
Doesn't make you any less worthy
It's just the way you feel right now
Realise how locked away I've been
Easier to close the door
Than let another in
Have to have discernment for sure
Though fear of vulnerability shuts back more
Gentle is the key
Steady is the hand
Head on the pillow
Ready to rest
Awake in the dark
Open eyes
Lad perched sitting on my bed
Cap on his head
Casual dress
I shout
Shock!
Put covers over head
Scared to look back out
Though I know not be seen right away again
Torch on
As I'm writing this
Laying hands
Faraway lands
The times of gone before
The lore of what appeased us
What teases us
The spell of hell etched in your veins
To bring out the pains
The aches of heartbreaks
The suppressive shakes
The broken haze
As the energy speaks it sinks into each vessel
It flows from high the source sky
The energy releasing into the body
To clear
As the tears pour out
and
down
The heaviness takes a lighter tone
And the men women and souls from now and before and who we have felt to be before find more peace
To release
What has been and gone before
And breathe
In ode to reiki healing
Give me your heart
And I'll show you....
My world
Inside a universe a vortex spin
Covering of sky and stars for skin
Heart as moon and sun, feeling and warmth
Spine transcending all space and time
Ground to God
Connect body spirit and mind  
Align
Blood coursing
Galaxies
shine
What's inside
I'm dying to find out
Oh what a surprise
Will it be full of joy or something to scream about
What does it conceal
Truths left to reveal
Secrets hidden out of sight
All packaged in a box so bright
Gift tag has no name
Feel it's for me all the same
Do I hold and ponder
Or uncover the unknown wonder
I'll keep it a little longer
It strengthens prolongs the hunger
I'll know when the time is right
Is it the way I see myself
Or is it the way I've felt
Not good enough for anyone's heart to truly
melt
Feel more worth after spirits rebirth but still feel inside I have to hide from a love that's so beautifully kept and held
Pass the parcel
Unravel the string
The material that holds the present thing
Pass it on
Round and round
Stop and open
You are the hidden item found
Let's play again
When did I join the party
I don't remember when
Did I invite my self
Anonymous send
Or was it a gift from a knowing friend
Maybe find out in the...
Your turn again
Always fear of the wasp kind
A pesky insect couldn't abide
Only stung once in life
But as child the memory was horrific
This year for months had to negotiate window open and closed
A hive of activity above the rows
Swarming about sometimes come in to check home out
Would hide by door
If close fall further back into retreat
Not fancy them applying stinging spree
The more eye saw the more to see
Not really interested in causing anarchy
Fly from floral pattern to swirls on the roof hoping for some plant to root
Started getting closer to open window wide could get out not stuck inside
Got to a point on handheld tissue they would hop to venture out without wounding plot
Then one day
Call out had been made for colony to be smoked away
Neighbours couldn't cope to have them creatures stay
I understand a pest to family
But wish nature and man could live in much more harmony
Now gone
Unstung melody
Though not a victory that taste so sweetly
To the wasps that lived above me
Buried beneath the rubble of the crumbling strife
Options to remain let the spill pour
Or to dig my way out
Unsure
Hold me
Let's pretend we can still love
It's easier to kick the broken pieces to the side than pick them up and mend the heart that lies shattered on the ground
The pieces cut too deep and give an illusion that hope can be found
Tired of taking each one's pain and injecting it as my own
If I don't it gets injected for me
Feels like there is no cure but to keep numb from the sharp infliction
I can't make him see the light he has in his heart he wonders too much in the darkness
I know it's hard to see when all around is dim and blackened but the light inside is burning to break free
Mixed morning weather
Skies grey white and blue
Look up as the moon moves across to the sun and in that aligned precision - gone
Sun brightened up the sky more and more and the blue came out with all its roar
White dove flies overhead to rest on rooftop with grey pigeon friends
Three in total on the roof as three more birds fly in formation of V
Together in union
Somewhere longed to be
Feel like I've lost my fight
Sometimes I want to sleep ..
Go to bed wide awake and restless
Wake up tired and lifeless
I'm strong cause I'm so ******* weak right now
Break and tear me open
Be this your solemn vow
Lions don't fear the dark
They hunt best at night
The vultures scraps aren't in plain sight
That's ok
You were never gonna understand anyway
You were never gonna hear my words
Cause you never read them properly

That's ok
You see as you do
I'm easy and free for you
But you don't even see me correctly
Do you??

That's ok
You scorn as you will
I can see the mirror
Maybe you should turn it around and hold it still

That's ok
I'ts all paper thin
Though you are not aware of the thought words heart soul that's gone in
You are very much mistaken

That's ok. .

I'm done
explaining
The sentimental mush is here
It's all about the love
The illusions that piece us together
don't do justice to rise above
Set in our ways
Moulded by infected haze
Persecutors bind rope to hang
Mark and drill the holes
Install rotating hooks
Set up tension side
Setting up the jig!
Keeping the strands sep ar ate
Can you see what they did?
I can see another angle once I let myself be the hangman
I've seen the dark
I've seen the light
I've felt the lifeless the loveless
The love deep inside
Why do I feel the love is still missing?
What is out there for me?
Once there grew an oak tree in a moonlit sky,
no-one expected as much as to wither and die.
It grew strong,
it grew tall,
it stood grounded against all odds,
it withstood harsh weathered winds and fearful floods.
When the sun came it basked with a glow,
but when the rain poured down and gales raged it beamed more and more!
For the tree could branch it's roots and centre as it stands,
or reach out it's branches to capture the wraths of unknown
far away lands...
I love how you chomp
Chomp some more..,
I can't have a scraping
I hope you adore
Sorry I must implore!
I'll always be there for you
Specially as a friend
I just wanted to see you smile
and in time mend
You have embraced the darkness with such intent
It turns those who come near to statues fixed in stone and cement
I feel for you
You will always be in my heart
I would hope for you to still be a part
of my life
As I know you'll always stay locked deep within
who I am
who I have been
and who I am yet to be

Come warm by the fire with me
My worth belongs to me
It will not depend on anyone else for validation
I have faced many trials alone
Embraced and opened my world up to the Unknown
Borne many scars and throughout it all I have learnt and grown
If I am met with trepidation or disdain I will know this is not my final resting place
I will rise up stronger and look fear in the eye
Cast out what no longer serves and wave it goodbye
Even when the sticky mud pulls me in and refuses to release gripping me and dragging me down
I know I have the will to fight and conquer and with a trust in faith
all in time will turn once more to peace, harmony, love, and grace.
I won't validate this with a title
Too many questions fill my mind
Too many answers seek to find
What will be known
What won't reveal
What is truth
What am I to feel?
Are perspectives personal, fabricated, become part of something more, something to join at a point? Is this all normal? Is this all real?
Oh beautiful day
Let the grey and the rain
wash the worries and fears away
The past was the yesterday
Tomorrow is the dawning
of a newly hatched lay
Take all that we've learnt
to spread and scatter
the seeds of loves
warmth and
precious
way

In
the now
be mindful
of how
why

and
what
we

do
and
say
Drop
by
dr
o
p
All I am
All I was
And all I'll be
More than and not enough

You'll never see
I
Painful heart
Worthless soul
If any love
God make me whole x
No where to run
No where to hide
No one wants me around
Losing the will to be lost or found
I don't care!
Death comes to us all!
But do we die?
What is death?
Is earths exhale our final breath?
Even science states energy never dies it expands ever infinite
So what are we if not energy
To be transformed and still go on in other
lands in other times
Everlasting life burning bright for eternity
Supernovae
Brighter than all the stars in the galaxy
And in your final hours
I will stand
Ready to begin...
Say what you will
Do as you please
Let God bring me down
D
Own
To my knees
Catch me if I fall
Too late...I am already falling....
I hope to glide on the soft warming breeze
as though I have never landed near to touch the ground
I sink but don't drown
These tears I've cried before
It never killed me
I've died inside over n over
My soul is my home
My love is a tower
You can knock it down
Then I'll rebuild again
even higher
Follow outline of hourglass body
Make the moment count
Bathe as stream trickles
between
breasted ravine
Dipping down to hip
As droplets collect to meet
Waters edge to thighs
Open mouth as
pleasures greet
In
and out
A lot of wounds coming up to be healed
The subconscious unsettling to bring up what you feel
The insecurities isolation loneliness and faults
Held under the microscope to be looked at at great odds
Suppression holds the ache for longer
Viewing makes
the
eye sight
stronger
The writings on the wall
Spewing
        in       p
Built u
Urban scrawl
Oh Vellichor
Why do you leave me
asking for more
Your fragrant perfume fills the air
Filling my lungs with the memories
The stories
Beginnings
Middles
and
Ends

I could breathe you in for a thousand years and still you would have me under your speaking spell

Words fall from context
placed on high
I can feel you in
Learn from meaning
This place you have me binds me
I will never feel alone with the savour
content from your skin
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