We are the leaves falling off the tree
We are dying
To be reborn

I feel her dying and that's ok
Not sure if I'm grieving for the emotions the past or her
I'm happy to let parts of her that no longer serve die
I'm happy to keep the caring sensitive kind parts to her but I feel I'll be content to let the worrisome, insecure, fearful, undervalued, disrespecting parts of her die
I see my future and it's not her who belongs
She lives with wings

Anxiety helps to comfort me
But it doesn't really
It feels real it hurts like hell
It's a ******* liar as well
Made up of all the broken eggshell
Trying to keep us safe
Protected in our cracked encasing
Peeping out to see the danger and our victim
Thoughts brought up by the chicken crap we let drip in
Deformity hatching
Letting us try to fly with clipped wings
We birthed it from our own hollow and others hollow opinions
Fed by lies and fear based skies
Raining down on our sodden wings
Puppeteer puller of strings
Numb it with some pills
Immune  
Feel it still
Refill
Still ill
Throw them away and watch the rain

I've done it all to my self so many times
I hurt my self
How many times do I have to come to realise
I want to let it go
I want to treat my self with these kinder eyes
Hold my self in love

Why do I waste my time
Why do I settle for less than my worth
Do I even know my worth
I know each is worthy but then it takes its toll
The bell rings another round of disharmony
I'm left to
               change
it's tune

I long for the day my heart is in peace and not in pieces
I want it to heal and not feel
in pain

This home is beautiful
homely
a few cracks
Apparently your home can be your state of consciousness
I could see that
My last home was hell
I could see that too