Here wandering hollywood where it eternally smells of **** and velvet the sun beating out last nights confetti into a melted submission of brown goo on pavement where 2000 girls dreams got run over by wrong ways today in this all or nothing place where the shadows of the palm trees etched through midnight hours in the smoke of denial a crown and an ugly mask. Yaoooooooooo.....  Waeeeooooooo.......

daddy was dead & i liked being used
I shoulda probly taken a shower
Rinse off the fog I drew on invisibility
   & youth
         & barrel gun'd eeyes
           that mirrored only dice
                & worlds of ice & rust
                          & sweet white dust
                                    & tattooed drums

                                                          their
                                            pumping           pain

                                                   into my
                                                     sweet sweat
                                                            16 yr. old
                                                                   frame
        there i was
                on some polar bear closed shop rug
                       midnight.
                             naked.  he had taken my
                                          clothes off.
                                           I didn't wanna ****.
            i wanted to cuddle this stranger
          cuddle the fluffy bear beneath my back
       under the body i refused to look @
               his hand on his belt buckle.  caching
                 zip.  daddies last breath.  1 blk

     away.  15 min.s   b4    here now i lay
                   prayers in the grave
                              men smothering my face
                                       unshaven memory.
                                             mind games.

Burnt plastic and sweettarts
Exhaust and high stripped knee sox
The sun in the elevator sun
13 and high
Tossed to the side
Suburban lies
Nobody wants me even me
Especially me
Ill bet the gods
All odds against
This puny lie of a girl
A trashcan eulogy
Of mens greasy hands and beauty magazines I can't be
A doughnut I shouldn't eat
A home with no sweet
A school that's a street
Winding in circles
Around dogmatic beliefs
Whatever that means
I don't know who the **** I'm supposed to be
A tooth of ragged scream
Yeah 13
This is me
Yeah 13 **** me
Yeah 13
I'm done with everything
I could drive all night if I had a car
Listening to that sick rock n roll
I'd **** a girl if I only knew how
I'd go to sf and live with my party sister if only she’d let me
I can twist on my floor
Slam all the doors
Crawl to the beat
Abandoned truth un noosed in this distant melody
I roll between my ribs
It'll be ok
At least I hope I is
When I'm 18
And I I can leave
The ***** truths of parasite parenting
I will b
B free
Yeah maybe someday
Eyeliner
Bubblegum
And a rock band
someday
less heartache
I can’t wait

biting the walls of lust
hammering my feet in the ground
trying to make sure i'm not too around
so i won't get down
with the boy above


listen to this sound….


Dedicated from the underground….





To you




Please, please please

I only kinda wanna be found












Down
Down
Down



Inside out
Upside down
Boy above
Boy I love
Feel me feeling me to feel you






      underground






5.26.09
1239am
to you
THE UNDERGROUND

I hear music. In my head. At work. To drone out the sounds of the suits and staplers the wilting plastic flower dreams of once so close possibility. A sonnet to the diminishing flame of art that I hide beneath my desk between my legs please keep it alive let me not forget who I am. I mean maybe there's still a yes somewhere down the road a someday. Sing louder. Sing louder I won't disappear today

Just hanging out
Getting ready for work
Maybe I’m too happy to be a poet
Maybe I’m too pretty to be good
Rub some lotion on my hands
Pick my teeth
Don’t use a comb
Life is sweet

7/22/09

decomposed by burning flowers
whose jaws sink
teeth’d hearts
  @ 3am
when the back
    sweats
& the lips
      red
     whisper
some
forgotten truth
that vine the body to the stake
    that serenade me to the wake
   soft away   away to sway
    ‘til the sun burns the fog
    & blinds the way
        towards some grey future or
past day
my shining canines         white decay
     through abyss and bliss I smile all the
way in rags & glitter
& furs & pain
a Tuesday morning.    Life starts again

Awkward n 15 year olds stroll with thrift minks and mismatched flowerd lace klunk grandma heels and a thrill in their eyes.

words lay
naked & afraid
across the carpet
burnt & loved
2 ft. away
the things i should say
a slammed door
the stillness crawls
all over
spindley legs darkness
invisible
stuck in the throat
like a rope
a liars bed
burning eternally
where do i go
i don’t know

6/13/11

beneath the  dance.   eyes  

a wild  fast  junkway   thrill cry
a bone hand
a porcelain bullet

the moment is caught
this is it
jump off
into her

one night to know
what it’s like
to be
right.  the other kind
rich and fine

find
something of yourself
in the enemy

thighs

crimes

money

lies





money

lies
thighs

crime­s
mon229pm  4/5/10

Hello ceiling
caving in
worldwind heart
Internally
Eternally
falling
the bad boys r whistling through my door    "phooo"
the bankers screaming through the phone
pictures of naked girls on the screen
dancing
old coffee spilt on my bedstand
strangers
strangers that live in me
peeling the paint
reminding me there is a big break
around the corner
coming to rescue me with giant winged teeth
swirling around my head
around the corner
& the piles of unpaid envelopes
don't mean a thing
don't let those whistlers in

my view      from the window
Brick walls
Plastic flowers

I live in the land of concrete and flowers
of broken dreams that dazzle on gower
the end of america
The edge of the pacific
where the mad fEver rush
rolls the last minute carney hopes
in the sea swallowed by
Foam, gasp, foam, spread, foam, butter legs, sand *****, scabs, toxic waste, castles, meltdowns, stock crashes, dance parties, heroes, well -theives disguised as them, cardboard castles o **** n drugs n poverty,
some promise that one in several million will b truly rich beautiful and free enough to complain about meaning
Hello my ***** luv
That throws me up
After its feasted my youth into apathy
Hello oligarchy
Homeland
Birth place of so many things I lust after
Broken concrete flowers peak through
Some neon sunrise
A prop to be used
a marketing strategy of humanity
living the dead end dream

broken in paradise
the love(r) that wears a knife
the dreams that smoke between the nights
stale in a room of wonder
glitter dancing in the gutter
I’m calling for you I’m screaming
please be nice
please love me
please please please
a broken record of a woman
alone in a ruin
of mildewed furs and bad aftertastes
sunrise
sunset
it’s all the same
a waste

******* and no chase
thrill
stupid
**** **** **** **** ****
love that hits you like a truck
dying in the middle of the road
carcass picked on bones
begging for more
begging
come home

Cadilac cars
              & black.
          fast.
                         yards
              pass
     yellow dotted lines
        smack
        tire
        speed.
Curves.

taste the sunset
       sweat the sunless years
   the graffiti    shift. Shock.
boom.
1/4/10

the vroom.
the legend to all
       10 boys who will ever
   know my name
remember the night
     the tight dress of pch
curves
black lacquered love
wet fast wicked unwanted.
black lacquered love
         asphalt crumbles to sea
mesmerized & deep
This night belongs 2 me. This night belongs 2 me

...............his
between    chains & carnations
my silent disavowal to the night
the tethered  ropes of humanity
the pulp that ripens & rots
   before the first bite
    before he get’s to have it all
     the promise of an america   (lost era)
    we all fall
       amongst the bricks & poets
   the machines & hoplessness
     the starvation of the heart
            once we could all
  finally reach across
the earth
    it falls
it ruins of rhyme
with too much reason
  too much of everything
      left the future with nothing
yet here we lay
     dreaming of a big pay day
   ******* hope
    from between my legs
i love you
i love you
         ‘til I go away



6/12/11
b4 midnite sunday

his rawhide leather
my death wish
burning on a guitar
string
screaming my mouth
black boots
sparrow lips


oil stains
his fingernails are clean
mine aren't

1/19/10


I’m  a concrete rose, you’re a midnight
Horse
Wild flame mane black ripple me with ur touch
Rotted crowns fall 2 dust
Beneath your steed stomp feet
Our masters
Gouge their eyes out
I’m cleched in ur sweat
My concrete turns 2 rivers flowing
Death
Wet night
Midnight
My midnight horse
My voice

ur so pretty & mean
    i give u everything
roaring horses by the sea
fields of bronze, my feelings
        off with my shirt
slow over my *******
my head
    blonde & in a puzzle                   
drop
     unbutton my heart
pull off my screens
       on my knees
  if i give u everything
will u love me?




you go so deep
i scream
    the  misunderstandings
    of humanity
in every ******
    i can forget how much
  it hurt to love
        you yesterday



6/12/11

A man wailing chintown on his horn in the rain
Loose change spills from my brain
thoughts evaporate
as I scrounge for a meal and a mayday
marbeled stars dizzy under my feet
the million times walked over vine street dreams
the rocks in the gut
the things I can't speak
i see
        a broken down reality painted in gold leaf
           a mansion set face in front of a sewer
Dear hollywood,
       The everlasting last minute maneuver

There's horns and heartache in every direction a ***** smile in the sirens that echo through the alleys bricked or stuccod into self martyrd silence at a world that is only a glossy poster of its former self an hour glass up everybodys nose some torn pantyhose hope I'm smiling in my 4x4 a beam watching the people turnstyle through despair and ecstasy I'm painted white but I'm full of termites and I love this mirage world despite all the anyways and brick roads that lead to cliffs and cliffs that lead to lovers and lovers that leave for sunrise and railroad ties  me unholy headed in every direction that leads to nowhere everywhere but like I said I love this mirage

I'm hittin up the stereo
Marching sonogram graphic woman
***** stance
*******
No chance
No safe
No save
What aim
Broken arrow
***** dance
***** dream
Disko life
****** into lights
******* the grime off the green
The grim off the screen
The brakes off the scream
Watch it
Closely
Gone

The suburban myths of childhood splayed on her naked chest
The stones of her mothers guilt closing her in
Her highschool cartoon bedspread beneath her back where I'm standing I don't know what she wants for me to listen or attack her jeans off to make her sing her song while I sweat on her she is shivering from heat and malfunctionous desires cracked fate
I am growing weak with boredoms temptations to have my way
My hands around her crumbling names
Swirling her skin to silence the pain
Creamy russian white and peach on display
She doesn't want to be a wife or gay but these things happen anyway
Another day in th oc
Little orange houses all in a row
Wishing with them we could play dominoes

1/17/10

dopesick boy
make me dope sick
his black in the blue
eyes vanish
he vanishes
the skeletal frame
of his guitar
& all the almosts
that got shot
cause he shot up
the broken window in time
the self steams out of in
the night
his black & blu eyes
pinned
pinned wings in a glass
case
another face
wings evaporate
dust where a boy once sat
holdng my hand in love

there’s a broken sword and a half sung song next to my grandmothers bed

beneath the sheer white curtains that slow dance hypnotical, shadows live family photos and unfinished books

a sun that sways into the soft orange then swoops to the deep blues and vanishes behind the white walls and glass I’m staring at

while curled in a u holding a white ball of blanketed warmth that snores and radiates history, trauma, love, and strength

the ancestors breathe their fingers in a tired ocean caress down our faces

the radio news is on telling stories of victories and poverty

nana is in my arms fragile

the woman who carried six kids through the dust and desert of broken through the open battlefields to some higher plain of survival

I see her hand, beautiful in its melancholy, perfect white sand dunes of skin, the days laughter still hugging to it

Today she has realized she is powerless over time and her body
So are we all, so are we all.

12/16/10
1115am

kate crash.....
is dressed as a white trash sailing new york doll in a laundry somewhere on sunset hot and bored smoking dead ends and time ... Wish u were here

i walk out the door and it's a living anti drug ad---- grannies in pink with scars up and down their legs, youth with ******* glasses chewin' out their teeth chumpin' for my change to score, leathered out n' shot up tracked all all over ***** men swaying with grins beating their heads against walls calling for MORE MORE MORE...  just one more score... skeletal grave home... street sleeping slums of lonliness

BOY GIRL BOY GIRL BOY GIRL BOY GIRL BOY GIRL




Experiments in my perversity
Yes I'm on all 4's
I know what I'm doing
But I don't know what for
A cat scratch catch
Leather and rope
A lost little girl
Strangled hold
3 boys calling me daddy
1 calls me home
Some give me money
Some play rock n roll
Some are married
Some are poor
They keep me running
But I don't know what what for
Mama says “things r harder when ur ugly
So don't bet ur chips on ur looks
U too will get old and be neglected”
But I like ugly and *****
Under the freeway score
Hurt me
take it
buy this
obsess obsess
tell me I'm the best
That I'm wanted
That this high won't die
Wilted lovers
On every road
I drift by
A million sunrise cries
Then goodbye







Experiments in my perversityExperiments in my mymymy perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversity

looking out this window
makes me forgive the world for all it's evils
the swirling hunger of the clouds eating up the towering buildings
the glass and steel filled with rich mens papers
filled with broken destiknees
and crocodile teeth
family men lapping the floor for a thrill
a way out of the box
four walls, four walls
ladies that hover behind me in skirts
checking always checking
i can almost see the ocean
i can almost feel the collapse of my heart
breathe
breathe
this is not my world I think
the smell of oil on my fingers
some strangers blood seeping through the papers
a plane flying
another one
taking off
landing
loving
and leaving
look at these hands
in this world of machinery
the frailty
the constant quiver
the pale skin and green veins
the song in the pulse
of constant wondering
this little light
half way up a million floors
of a million rooms
in one little block
where one signature can decide whether 10 thousand people live or not
where the boss goes home and pats his dog
and the monkeys he feed
praise him a god
and me the artist
forever lost
click clack
keys that type
hoping to stop

dessimating my free will
with my hand between my legs                                     sweaty n cold
and my the pinball
hungering for holes and big scores
in some beaten down alley
at the end of every road
my fathers crooked smile and a jand job
the ghost, the lover of yesterday
that american dream sinking in the credit hole
so dddeeeep it sunk beneath the bone
stings like the word no
blinding elephants
riding the tital wave
earth
there is no captain
only karma
holding us captive
a taste of our sewers
on the sweet ladies lips
ooo.
   look.
      ****.

the nights death
  murmured in his hand
twirling dawn
stars crawl home
gold streaking
     sky
crumbling the
black
i’m on my back
wishing to go back
a finger over my
     mouth.
i won’t shout


2/5/10

the way that time gets you
a flash dance
a bullet serenade
a drunken butterfly chase.

i'm laughing.  we're all laughing

8/3/10 908pm

the space between living & not
a thunder bold fire bird   bird
leather skirt
wife beater shirt
******* on the neon    suckin’ on the moon
black black black
liner
    everywhere
so fast down sunsets
riding
everything full throttle
  don’t bottle ( she/me)
her up
louder LOUDER
don’t wanna hear the
world falling
all over
       & over

John has a fresh pressed shirt
waits on the corner for her
her who smells like another woman/her
there’s no justice to love he thinks
tugging at his loafers with the back of his guilt  
mothers forbidding
he’s too young for such fast woman she yelps

time melts the pavement
he flips his nickel
the rumble old car rave
the ground shakes                                 he sees   the familiar
a flash fast smile
lipstickless
    it "phooo" nickel smack lands on heads
he jumps in the passenger
          seat

& off    off
               off

   to get off

    to get lost

  in something he’s not
     nor will ever be

a woman


free




6/13/11

i wanna fall inside the black hole of us
lick ur insides and find out why u hurt
know these things that we cannot speak
Feel ur fingers ghost in my memory
        Forever we will be
in eachother a song of mystery
                     A haunted house of love
         Haunt me

So haunt me...

feelin' wild like runnin in the trees jumpin from the slums of the mind the oily quick sand hands called silence and control, america, how i wish u'd unbigbrother urself and support the artists, but that would require slime'ing away from big bank funding, corporates drugging us zombies called humanity... to be an artist at times can be so liberating and so uncertain. hello eviction notice, hello

Midnight dresses her body
I can't spell her

my name
let me let me touch
her body the waves
of my confusion
i'm reaching for a silhouette
hand shaking

a light from the black ceiling sky
blinding
we r all lost in this hole in the wall in the void
of los angeles
or some imitation citytown in the middle of nowhere is where the heart is
Nowhere
this blackness everywhere
the blak and white liquor poseters
this red couch
the spotlight blinding
I want I want

oh midnight dresses her body
my hand
quivering
to know or lose adulthood
the spotlight on me
her silhouette
the taste of death
&right; when I touch                   She's gone

4/7/11

jagged silk & frog moans
vibrating the speakers
purple lights
a sea of people
the man at the piano
whales on it’s broken teeth
something so flawless
flawless misery

I’m not right
I’m  not right
boots everywhere
the days have disappeared
and here I am
congregating with the past
white hair and crooked faces
smiling
singing along
swaying with all of us
some lost world on a war path
another beautiful night we don’t care
a man leading us into a fairy tale
of something that can never be again.

toothless junkies
        rifle through trinkets
             hearts leaking tar
           onto the bus’s gummed out floor
hoodied heads bow
             begging for a break
    or a stake in the heart
        or a steak
          half burnt trees flay   flash by      pray         for one less day
                 dogs chase
           the beat up clunker                                        yellow
        gnashing blindly
         at the machinery
         screaming dust
              in the world’s
                 face
         I hate Mondays



4/19/11

i’m  love  
black  death  boy  
sweet  night  
crippled time
swoon away  
our  ma-ma-ma-ma-midnight  
devines the  dust
portrait of us
saint our sweat  
hello lost it
hello love
hello divided eyes
amongst the coils and coals
of our crap heater
of our crap apartment
of our too good feelings
and disappearing world
ur hand slides down my face ........................ ........leather smiles unshaken, confirmed
down my chest towards
some light I ignored
sweaty hand
***** hand
beautiful smile
beautiful teeth you have
the windows shake
the agony of an uncontrollable world
shatter illusions
while filling it with new one’s
I am love
I am love
this is love


mon 228pm
4/5/10

i wanna lounge with the cats as a bad boy barkin @ bricks DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO pickin' toe jam strumming guitar but here in my khaki and cubicle that all seems so far

with my head behind a cloud
thoughts ping pong around  
drown
drown
loserdom in a stip mall parking lot
kicks against the curb
three quarters and a fist
life a near miss
sweat steaming the distortions of the face
cops handy mans hookers and housewives
l.a., l.a. l.a. paved my brain
a candy bar and a bar and a heat wave
and a drawn on face
l.a., l.a. l.a. paved my brain
and a tic tac toe hopscotch foot tied race
l.a., l.a. l.a. paved my brain
to an anvil off the top of the capitol building beauty night line daytime sky sky orange high
touch me
somebody
reach out and ***** out my stutter heart time cvrime buy buy buy
not buy me anything
feel me something
feel
what?
who am i
satturday or Tuesday or Noday
cement
pavement
horse drawn nowhere
freeways
freeways
thunder

4/5/10
219pm

Getting in cat fights at the ****** bars
Wearing torn dresses and too fast alarms  melody the howls and loose rhythms of heartaches sighs for lost men lost back to their valley bleached wives
Debbie slings her eyes @ detroit who stumbles through time unwanted and adored the door shakes the elevators escaped the beat drapes the gowns and nets and smokey dreams curl around everything...  Here have a drink of me

Getting in cat fights at the ****** bars
Wearing torn dresses and too fast alarms  melody the howls and loose rhythms of heartaches sighs for lost men lost back to their valley bleached wives
Debbie slings her eyes @ detroit who stumbles through time unwanted and adored the door shakes the elevators escaped the beat drapes the gowns and nets and smokey dreams curl around everything...  Here have a drink of me

the air full of suicide and mystery
      the sticky kids in the smoke of the flashing lights
Desitny destroyed
  the hunger of the times
  the belief in all or nothing
dripping from their mouths
        Bombs sing
Sink their teeth in the beauty of buildings
              spray brick and teddy bears and useless love stories
                            the guitars start
                            the kids scream
                                                                      the generation left to rot

amongst the carcass'd feast of their ancestry

                            Let the new world begin



5/29/11

in the wind we tumble and fly
together always
one wing
you and i


4/8/2010

1/20/10


thrill me
oh dangle tooth will
& chop shop boy
& chop suey love
  rain spilling in the park
a child in the dark
lost on the broken bench
beneath the old iron light
green, hungry, oh
want
thrill me
dying flame thrill
ill with ur 1 way so down
highway
paving the sound    track of our death

the prophecies of a junk yard princess
16 ****** and high
no alibuy bye
I’m a junkyard millionaire
I’m a freeway square to nowhere
a junk dog captain
a lover to lose
a loser to love
a shining piece of junk in the sky
to pry for a night
some secret that’s a lie
some secret I’ll let you buy
I’m dangling from a tree
the shadow is only me
nothing
nothing u see

2.10.10

i escaped the trailer home
to the make shift rodeo
toothful gagglers &
not so pretty hollars
boys
i rush up the bleachers
squishing cans beneath
each jump                               CRRRUNCH!
i want to go to the
top
find the place
where
goodness
calls

an old sweaty man's hand grabs my trousers
PULL FREE
PULL FREE
.. i can't
his wrinkles shimmer chrome
the shiny belt buckle big n' bold
the pain of a world too ordered
to make people like me silent
he is pulling me down to sit
pulling me hard
my jeans are sliding
black
i wriggle
wriggle
always mama tried to make me sit
the teacher
the politician
my eyes hurt from all this looking
at things not right
i wriggle
the sun is sharp
that place where the shadow meets the crawl
i wriggle
and make a straight hand
bruce lee myself free
his teeth grimace and drip
i unwriggle him from my dreams

& climb straight up the big light at the top

a stadium of nowhere

big hatted heros

the swirl of dust

the crumbs of

discount cookies
the texas sky





cries no mercy

Everything
Trips to a slow melody
The glass’d out kids
Magician away their keys
I’m lying on the floor
In a backwards dream
Fragmented, distant
Reaching 4 me
The beauty
Of love & disappointment
Couch cushions sprawled all Over the empty room of empty kids and lost hero’s singing through a tube
Somewhere along the way we stopped being young
& all this fun turns to stupid self annihilation
& my burnt out friends pass like clouds & evaporate

somewhere
in this vast oasis of home
party streamers of the heart
faded stuck to the walls
pale pinks like the sinking sun
drowning in it’s own image
below the horizon
i feel that’s us
where we belong
laughing through our shame
the night calls without names
into the last party of the decades
rushed into goodtimes and struggles
flushed away into pollution
tv  static    nuclear radiation
here on this couch of your parents
orange and yellow
brown
from some era I can never understand
or touch
as with each moment some new invention is formed
the past  is squashed
we strum along to the hum
of a world
never quite ours
but here we are


5/27/11
1258pm fri