today was the day
the broken boys rolled me like dice
tumbleweeding me onto
the suburban curbs
where i cried and cry for night
a place to hide truth
knowing that i know & knew
what boys like that could do
zoo my heart
with caged rapture
spit up my skirt
with laughter
we all knew
what we were after
spilling thrills
scrawling broken
wills
with spraypainted
walls & spread
legs   ..sea saw see saw

momentary fishbowl celebrity
look up
the sun is so bright
i hate the sun light
i hate seeing who i am
and knowing what i've done
"brrring brrring"
"look out!  SCRUB"
scowls twisted on their face
i lurch forward
tires flicker on cement
heart fries on pavement
my legs are stiff as 30 day old dog ****
neighbors bike by
swerve in butterflies around my mind
the sign on my mediocre face reads nobody
i'm picking up all the change
that flew from my pockets
when i decided to be bad
money sweaty in my palms
the teenage gutter angst song

There r so many things I don't know
dreams I don't own

                       Swimming
                       in the blue
                      of night

        falling through
                   the holes      in my
                                          head

tripping on the noose
                       of my-mah-memory

sleeping with the spiders
            that sing cobwebs
          in the cracks
                    of the heart

swallowing the dark
                    in spoonfulls of
                             love

                    I find u ...
                     h-h-h-hideing there
everything in this ****** up world
               is suddenly       ok

Hello ghost
Singing in my ear
Caressing my face

Slow.

Slower



Free falling my heart
Free basing my hope
The tethered rope
Of love
The sand storm stealing
The image from my tongue
Though the impressions forever there
Sweet death
****** despair

lost in time
lost in space
lost it all
lost my face

shivering through the afternoon
blue cloak on
no place no place

a green daffodil
wavers in the choice
of stand taller
or fall beneath the choir’s voice
they are everywhere ,
here

crumpled in my hand
letters
a dead man to a
going through the motions girl
I can see the disappointment now
even when I shut myself out
from all the noise

love
the railroad track I flay myself on
I’m glad u smashed me into ur front train
I go
just go
and fall off again




who r we
beneath these daggers
feel the real
the real
that thing with which u cannot bargain

1259amsaturday
7/9/11

The asian man
Down the street
Who tries to commit suicide
Every few weeks
Finally
Almost made it
Instead of cops
It was paramedics
His body bandaged seeping red
His family crying
The little kids
With the big yellow ball and a big red star
Lips held firm
Heads
High
Would never forgive him
Though he may survive

and the traffic
rush's by

Men hunting Men
Desire mixed in their molotav cocktails
a righteous dissatisfaction on each side
a twinkling dusk falling behind ruby hillsides
limbs and religions sway in the tide
Of the rupturing world
each wondering how will we
make it

& why



night undresses
her ******* are perfect
A slow dance towards the edge
A serenade of gravity dislodging itself
All the little creatures in the play
love money beauty grenades








survival of the most depraved
ah
here comes another day

****** down a faceless hole
of love

      i imprint my chest on the stones
& sledge hammer out the breaken memories
of her

collecting in dark pools by my head
         she says
i’m sorry i cannot leave

the mystery of her legs        (butter)
spread
still deceives me

i sing through the strings in my teeth
       of the pretty shapes
of lies


TANTALIZE

there are no velvet ropes
       from which to climb out

no glowing exit signs from her mouth


i once believed in ___,


but now
i don’t even see
myself

                (fine)
soaked through my    china bones

the pools of her are all I

feel

i rip off my skin & the clouds of my soul
       finally, emptiness     .

I drew his cartridges of loaded hope and daddy’s dancing shoes from his piano too many women n’ ***** bluez that cut of coyote teeth on his mirror in lipstick
A portrait of a saint
A portrait of a ******
A portrait of love and death
A portrait of humanity
I’m alive
I    th e   stra n g e r
I the collapsible paraplegic
I the daughter of the govenor and the daughter wailing sax

His mirror melted into red wax
Of confusion
In this open room bathroom where he is lying behind me invisible through all the lipstick he bought me that is drawn all over his reflection, my reflection, this place, this death sentence, the rest of my life to lead after 16 on my own, I can only hear the image screech I used to be behind me
26 wires into different parts of him to machines that make him breathe
candy colored computer heart pumps and wicked adreneniline bumps and heart breaks and candy necklaces and bad legs and I don’t know this now but in three days after a year of this ******* he’ll be gone
stroke.
Here I go.
Again.
On my own



1/10/2010

To my maybe baby
I’ll stalk u like the moon
The cat whispers to the grasses to
sway in the noon
That the sweet rain fingers to caress
out full the blooms
Of wild indigo and white knighted
striped maroon
That dance u in the fields to take off
ur shoes
And scent ur sweat with lavender
and croon
U to always be watching and over me
like the melody moon

Into u
I’m so in2u



1/9/10

oh sweet world, shiver into me
your claws& diamond dust
the last sweet dance
tender romance black
on the clock
the jaw of luck  the chainsaw &
the melody  the love &
disbelief  the betrayal
& the bloom, the laughter
after doom   the broken
ballroom   the earthquakes
& the prayer   the family
& the stairs collapsing the light
glimmer & glare   the utter
despair &   goodness
breathing me in
spinning me round

sometimes I’m up

sometimes it’s down
& when the wisdom is found

the cycle will go on

cyclone, dawn,

& ground

death,
rebirth
& all the causes
of
everyone

Lost between here and there
A roadless road
Some cactus whiplash sun juice dry hope heaved onto an omlette of cow brains and mothers stale toast warnings. A gingham curtain on a beat up pickup truck / home shakes its dust in the desert wind where nothing runs only lives

Cockroaches on cracked floors
***** fuzz amps and holes in boys
Dolly strung in girls hanging from a bulb
Sways on the cement I'm a troll
Wrestling with blindfolds back knives and lost homes
I curl on the couch
Red broken leather
Fall into a mouse trap
Half smoked dreams
Curling fingernails up my thighs
Half forgotten lullabies
Reaching for the sky
Don't fetch me
I'm still alive

4/8/10


oh
carve out the night
the thieving ghosts of stone hours
memories memories memories
languid sonnets, melodies
of swaying love to the
knife in the neck
& the kiss in the breath
somewhere between
darker & darker
the shine in
the face
b/w parted
legs

where we fall
like the fool
like the sun
like the dandelions
breath

into eachother
numb &screaming; w/ laughter
then jolted into knowing too much
of eachother
of this look on my face
that always get’s me into trouble
& the tongue of dawn
ascends us upon
a day tumbled
weary & in love

I go off in your skin
u go off
wearing my dress
covered in blood  lust  
loneliness
forgiveness
& us
we are us.

always

i came in her mouth
  i can’t stop hurting myself
the patron saint of blood
       self appointed self affliction
  i only want her when she doesn’t want me
   an explosion of pain & misplacedlove
   it’s  4am & I’m lost again
      somewhere too far west
    in this bed
wrapped like a present
  with my legs around her head
& sheets lumped under my
    back
on my back
she caresses my thigh
         down
         she wants something
i don’t have
         me.

the ceiling is blank
         the room bare  & heavy
“where were you born” she asks
     starting to stand
face all wet
time choking the elephants
      hiding in the room
“i don’t  know” I say say                   say
   her eyes fall all over
          the place
she is a wire with a onion bulb head, onyx eyes, tiny fine young delicate hands the kind when i was a small girl i wish i had

“don’t know, don’t know,
i just woke up one day and was”




6/14/11

lovely ladies bleeding
   sad rhythms fast times
       on the dance floor
     blind
by shakes & strange
oozy
        
drinks that drip trip     slow
                    & melody
      & beats
        of bad boys
          disko

       mama is dead
    she died on
the
        dance    floor
         big mama is
     dead
       she was queen
  in her
    head

but the drugs
  told her that

& now the sirens
         buzzard
         the fluorescents  trash  on
   people fly from windows
   fly home.

to beat
    the wrap
until next time
  
    which is already tonight

today,...........................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.....................................................


.........­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.......
.........................................................­. he broke me

clinging to the night like a wet sheet
naked beneath it’s sweat dirt & stare
dreamin’ of nowhere   runnin’ runnin’
all of us movin’ movin’ movin
to whatever was out there
a great unanswered scream


--------
I was starin’ at all the imperfections
of an orange    shapes, dents, pocks
nobody cares
    as long as it’s juicy

----------------------------

there was a street light
& all of us were movin movin’
dancing on shingles singles
bangles of tigers
claws & smiles
   fashionable dresses all torn like the moon
  sometimes I feel like I don’t know
where i’m supposed to be
       & if i do know i don’t
know how to get there

footstep, footstep
at least you’ll be
somewhere


----------------------

the car is blasting
boom boom boom
we all b movin’ movin’
parkin’ lot party
& then
   i twirl
        i twirl so fast
     flashes of blue satin
  black jeans, plastic
rings, beercans
       skin, rhythms i
  twirl    spreading
my arms  his eyes
        stop
        his eyes


6/12/11

I want to share u with all the world
but we must keep to eachothers pockets
sniffing in our secrets
laughing at the darkness



I roll into u
from the nowhere in which I came
and all that does not matter
suddenly matters again



I stare for hours
at this possibility

how can we touch forever


for ever   ever for ever

how can we stay good

when we are those who corrupt?



morning spills all over
lap it up
red flowers in a vase
droop
black hair
urs
all over the place
mirrors in my mouth
have a taste
this pretend world we have
is far too great


to make me go out
and face the day

sat 104am july 9 2011

4/30/11

a.)

caves of women
     lips that swallow fruit
**** down holiness
strange tangled legs
     vines of disoriented youth



b)
i met her at a beauty supply shop
    smacking gum& bad bleach
  hum
cherry lipstick pink
        i grabbed her hand
& took her out back
amongst the dumpsters
& orchid trees
    
     the orchard of our sour tongues
swung like a noose
in the sea
           see
              unsee


her blue contacts dried

    a shovel by her side

       this is what it means to

      be alive

      wanting but not waiting to do die

shoveling out a tombstone name
trying to force yourself

backwards in time

to make people & beauty stay
   on the broken ground we lay

    asphalt & fertilizer

    the afternoon sun
stinging shadows on our

      eyes
red, blk, white
she is speaking
lips part      like a   c l a m
   braces shining with spit


the whole of human history
   in her imprint
“can you…”
     her soft fingers  stroke
       my face

indent stories
   slow mo
       i’m by her waiste
cars & dogs rustle
    brown clouds    shoot
from factories
& hover in our hearts
    her fingers taste like
     hunger & salt

“…. go faster?”
      fun so fast
hoping to make

   it       stop.
      (all)

i wear a pretty pink bow
i'm sorry i'm broken
you're broken too
a ***** night we get lost in
playing tumbleweed to the
curbs of nowhere in neon
people trampling on people
i never said i was pretty
but i've got allure

Why did I have 2 turn in2 a woman
Why couldn't it have been a bird or spider web
I am silence in the explosion
The space between worm and seed
in the apple
A gasp to flee
From the tree
What can I hide beneath
Why must I see
Rain
Sky
Fleeting




4/8/10
Where shadow meets sea

***** dogs singing to the owls
sirens climbing up the clouds
an orange haze howls and holds the city in
the city that goes on forever
into other cities crumbling into each others arms
laughing at the scurry below
us rats riding on a borrowed fate
hoping for a day when things will slow
to catch our breath and know
what [it] is to be


1/13/11

ridin' wild with the broken down trannies in zoot suits n' water pistols aimin' to capture the sun from ten feet underground i swear it's darker than my gut insides crawlin' around in the glitter and filth i caught me diseased wealth heartache and small pond fame i caught me a sugarless daddy and a stage name i caught me a gutter and a song but still i wonder  how to walk but i can sure sweet talk sssssssslither love