What is this lace across your face? It robs you of your beauty
A thousand tears upon your face,
A thousand hands across your smile.
Yet all the while I have this smile hidden in a place far away deep within a place you cannot rob inside me.

my quantum of love for you,
in space, time and continuum,
until all the seas run dry,
mountains erode flat,
so powerful a distance,
limitless dimension,
contemplating forever,
I love you to the moon and back.

I am running.
Out of breath.
Panic.
Determined.
Like running in sllooooowww motion.
I can make it.
Running in flip flops.
To my destination.

of its white calamity,
its devine mercy,
wind kissed cheek,
my hyperborean dream,
aggregations of ice,
cold sprectrums of light,
my snow angel

Those wings you wear with feathers,
In the clouds,
Here and fro you go.
You cannot exist here.
I know.
May I go wherever you are.

Peachy skin
Perfection in every way
So peaceful
No worries
Sudden smiles
Swaddled in his cacoon
His tender breath
Breathing in his infant scent
Innocent and untouched
Unblemished
angelic aura
Melts me
You are wanted
you are loved
simply magic

Flowing skirt around and around
All the boys are looking
Her long red hair
Freckled face all aglowing
A ponytail girl all grown up
All the boys are looking
Pretty little barefoot girl
Little ponytail girl
All grown up
The boys are looking
Ponytail girl all grown up
Long red haired girl became a woman

Tiny hole inside my heart.
Feels so black.
Not pure and red.
Once was gaping.
So hard to hide.
To mend.
Overflowing with tears.
So hard to comprehend.
Tried to mend.
Layer after layer.
Becoming tattered.
It's closing now.
Time healing all wounds.
Black hole so old and faded.
Once large and gaping.
Memories fade inside our heart.
All that's left is a tiny black hole.
And scar tissue.

Tiny hole inside my heart.
Feels so black.
Not pure and red.
Once was gaping.
So hard to hide.
To mend.
Overflowing with tears.
So hard to comprehend.
Tried to mend.
Layer after layer.
Becoming tattered.
It's closing now.
Time healing all wounds.
Black hole so old and faded.
Once large and gaping.
Memories fade inside our heart.
All that's left is a tiny black hole.
And scar tissue.

I'm just a silly girl
Daisies in my hair
Nails of pink
Sunkissed cheeks
***** feet
Twirling
Twirling
I open my eyes
Quick glance
I am an old woman
With pearls..

What goes on in that pretty little head.
Teetering back and forth.
Whispering and hearing voices.
Battling insanity.
Sometimes crystal clear.
Inside that box in your head.
Four sides with no key.
Seem so innocent.
Yet all the rage and fury ready to escape.
In time your wrath will be known.
Only you know.
Our nasty little experiment.
There is no remedy.
For your diagnosis.

My tears are salty.
They sting my face.
Blur my vision.
I close my eyes and think of the ocean
It is flat
I try to see to the other side.
I cannot.it is endless.
I close my eyes and I see the sand.
Each grain blowing.
I try to see to the other side
I cannot..it is endless.
My thoughts are circling.
Like a pen on a Spirograph.
Circling.I try to stop.
It is endless.
I want them to see my smile.
And remember me.
I want them to remember my mind.
It is brilliant.
I want them to remember my laughter.
It is infectious
I want them to remember my love for them.
It is pure.
My pain is real.
Hurts so much
I want to surrender.
My eyes are closed.
But tears still blur my vision
I am not afraid.
I want them to know
I am not afraid.
I wish I could see beyond to the other side.
My arms are open.
And I am not afraid.
Please remember
I will fly forever.

Pictures of you in my head
Closed eyes
Open heart.
You penetrate my madness
Of being without you.
Simple things you say
I hear so loudly.
Tell me where you are
Somewhere inside my madness.
Help me find you
So I am sane.

I am drowning inside
I choose to stay down
Under the water
If I come to the surface
I see above the water
Then I realize
What's under the water is a dream
Coming to the surface I must open my eyes
And see the truth.
Reality.

Empty box
empty brain space
free rent in your head
like the last chip in a bag
last drop of milk but enough for your coffee.
looking for just one pen
and finding a whole bunch.

Facade from the front;
So different;
Variation;
Internal and exterior.
How do you hide behind that.
Must be so hard to hold that inside

Impromptu
Concocted in my mind
Excitement or disappointment
Doe eyed and coy
**** and enticement
Heart a beating
And abeating
And abeating
A calmness
Sly smiles not a facade
Lackadaisical in emotion
Tethered doll am I
Seduction unnecessary
Unknown to our pairing
Anxiety unknown
What does it hold
All or nothing
The curiosity
Endless chatter
tastes so good
Stay

Fly away
Sweet bird.
If you knew the way
Fly away
It all makes sense to set you free
Fly away
Sweet bird.
I won't stand into your way
Fly, fly away
Sweet bird.
Its easy to say
sweet bird of mine
I will always miss you

stepping stones over water,
do not falter my steps,
I move clumsily and lumber,
easily trudging here and yonder,
checking out my swagger,
I saunter and I strut,
strolling no apparent aim,
walk a mile in my shoes,
you shall surely stumble.

Battling this whirlwind of emotions.
Of a madness of so many years.
So much pain.
Such remembrance.
A smile turns quick into anguish.
So much strength pulling me forward.
Yet I am so weak.
So worn.
It is time.
To see the light
Free my self from the brick wall.
See that light beyond it.
Gentle persuasion pushes me there.
Fear is still there.
I push through it.
I choose to be free now.
I have chosen forgiveness.

Sunlight on her face,
On her skin,
Surrounds her being,
Like an aura an ethereal presence.
Muted and hazy and effervescent,
Captivating you,
Enticing you,
An angelic vision,
Like a spirit yet so real.
You want to touch her but she is beyond your reach.
Reach out your hand.
Feel the breeze.
The warmth of her breath.
Do you feel it?
Can you feel her?

So smooth, your skin. You say.
That lust of  yours.
Do you always get your way.
I say.
I remember that kiss on those lips, so
Warm and yet so chilly.
The thought of the unknown.
They say in the blink of an eye.
May I blink and keep my eyes open, while you keep your eyes closed.

End has come.
End of the dark road.
The wretched twisting of my heart.
Heart drained of blood.
Wringing of wet cloth ****** dry.
So much darkness.
Secrets.
Be at peace, the forgiven one.
Turned to ash.
I will grieve you.
For them.
Put you to rest in my head.
Be at peace, the forgiven one.

You are a figment of my imagination.
Yet I know you.
I've fantasized about your smile, your scent, your touch.
Its pure fascination.

I see you in my dreams at night.
Lights out but bright inside my mind.
Thoughts of you are endless
I battle my restlessness
Until morning daylight.

Would you feel the same excitement?
That passion, that seduction, I feel inside me.
Open your cage door,
To your confinement.

You lay there and dream about that soulmate.
She screams through your mind.
That song you sing in your head.
It sounds so resonate.

The time is here.
I see her across the room in the crowd.
I squash that fear of not knowing
And scream her name aloud.

I am near her, I am afraid.
Is there mutual attraction.
A quick tender kiss
Its instantaneous.
Then I know its mutual satisfaction.

She is a prisoner in her own mind
Spinning circular
Hysteria rushes up in her
As water flows over her
Crouching fearful
**** feline
All her thoughts are a jargon
The hourglass never being turned over
Endless imprisonment in her own mind
The seductress
Her victimless crime
Cleansing her body like toxin release
Poison thoughts
Her energy is limitless yet she cannot move
Her heart her own warden
Madness in her own mind
But not visible to the outside
Hourglass still in limbo
Time is running out
In her own mind
She is a prisoner in her own body
And in her own mind

Like a silhouette in the distance
Smaller and smaller
Windchimes in trees with no noise
Acorns seeding new trees
And rocks in shapes of hearts
Like wings soaring with no destination Seeking peace alone but not lonely
Seeing the summer sunset with closed eyes
Painting the landscape a beautiful shade
Feeling the wind on your skin naked to the earth
Calmness takes over in the hushed shhhh of noise
The sweet taste of your own breath
Smiling within but not for the seen
No calamity in your thoughts just peace
Calmness sets in listening to your breath softer and more shallow
No tears or sadness just fulfillment
No wounds to heal
The echo of your own heart you hear inside your skin
Until silence sets in
And you stop breathing

I feel isolated and alone,
removed from myself,
like being in an empty box with no door,
like a cage with no bars,
under lock and key,
my own prison in my head,
im in survivor mode

Your softly spoken words
I have heard before
I have seen beyond those eyes
A million souls I have seen before
Yet I remember you
I can't hide where my heart belongs
Inside our heads
Inside our hearts
Beyond this existence
Into the sun beyond the fog
Out from the time
We once knew each other.

I wait on the pier.
I have yet to see you in the distance.
So quiet.
Just slight ripples of water.
I can hear my own heartbeat.
Breath.
Pounding.
Racing.
You are like a ghost in the distance.
An apparition.
You appear out of nowhere .
I have kissed many.
But not you.
I feel your breath from a distance.
Yet you are so far.
I feel the heat of your body now.
It is intense.
Not physical heat.
Passion.
Makes me dizzy.
Spins me.
Who are you.
I want to kiss you forever.
I have never known this taste.
No words to describe it.
Like nothing else.
Like nothing before.
Passion.
A comfort
Fits
Not the physical fit.
The emotional
The spiritual
My head still spins
I want this forever.
Be my forever.

I have no love of a funeral,
women in their black watercolor faces,
pink and white roses, worthy of monet,
so much weeping,
avoidance of the loved ones,
so as not to have their face etched in our mind,
all are in perpetual slow motion,
endless parade of mourners,
so much grieving,
let us all rejoice for the living and not those passed,
so much easier in the land of the living.

That smell of crisp leaves.
Blowing, what a nuisance.
Reminders of death for me.
It is everywhere.
Beauty is there, but not to me.
I fake my amazement of the season.
Too much sadness, I tell myself.
Every year it is back.
Like a circle.
Then the cold.
Like a cold body in the ground.

Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five *****.
These ***** are work, family, health, friends and integrity.
And you're juggling them in the air.
But one day you finally come to an understanding that work is a rubber ball.
It you drop it, it will bounce back.
The other four ***** are family, health, friends and integrity.
If you drop one of these four ***** it will be irrevocably broken, scuffed, even shattered.
Once you truly understand the lesson of the five *****, you will have the beginning of balance in your life.

Listen to me.
So much to say.
Covers her ears.
Like autism.
Pretending to shut everyone out.
Truths to be heard.
But I keep yelling.
Dying to be heard.
What will you do when you hear no more yelling.

Love is the sweet taste of frosting at the tip of my tongue.
That feeling as a child choosing the perfect cupcake in a plethera of many.
I open my eyes and I feel the sweetness of your lips.

Love is the cream and sugar in my coffee, so smooth.
But smoother to me.
My lover leaves it for me on my nightstand.

Love is the smell of bacon and eggs as I walk into the kitchen in my bed head hair.
You kiss the top of my head.
You make bacon seem ****.

Love is wading in the water in my nakedness.
In the darkness, moon in the sky, and my moon behind me.
I feel your nakedness a foot away from me, behind me, yet we never touch.

Love is the unsaid words in the silence.
Sitting near each other in our silliness or our
Drunkeness
We are intoxicated with each other, yet we shared no wine.

Love is knowing here on earth that every breath I take,
And is exhaled,
you inhale in every pore of your skin.

I'm pretending to not care.
You sitting beside me
I want to push you over
Who are you there.

Nothing is inside you,
I looked through,
You are just a shell of a man,
I thought I knew

Was it a dream, where did you go,
I hear your voice, I take your call,
It doesn't matter
Matter at all.

I cry a minute
I cry an hour,
My thoughts so sweet,
And then so sour.

I listen to what you have to say
I know, I know
I've heard enough,
Each passing day.

I keep busy,
It hurts a lot,
Each passing minute,
An hour I forgot.

I look around,
Is that from you
It doesn't matter,
Its just a thing I bid ado.

Get out of my life,
Get out of my head,
That face of yours,
Thought I'd never dread.

I use to watch you in bed asleep
You looked so perfect,
Now washed out, faded
I disconnect.

You are s stranger
In my dreams,
Never were before,
It happens a lot it seems.

My tears sting me,
My aging face,
People say I'm young looking,
So full of grace.

I hide behind these pretty clothes,
The makeup,
Hair,
So not to expose.

Tired of hearing time
Heals our pain.
If I listen to them,
What do I gain.

There is a thunder in my brain,
rush of adrenaline,
my secret addiction,
better than chocolate,
all consuming my body and mind,
extraordinary love,
nothing mediocre about you,
sweet tenderness,
inspiring my ingenuity,
making love not war with each other,
your face tatooed on my heart,
love to us is a verb,
this is mad love.

Revolving door of in and out
Elevator up with no top floor
Madness and chaos neverending
Cinnamon swirls in my head
Sweet and yet unfulfilled
Cycle of wash always on spin mode
Monotonous of the day into night
Inevitable door opening
Yet never closing
Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel
Just need a glimmer

I feel that cold beneath my feet.
Under the cupboards, under my feet.
In the air, not visible.
Yet I know you are there.
What a comfort.
I smile in my security,
Knowing your presence does not have to be seen,
To be there.

You are dying, she tells me.
Should I care.
Should I forgive you.
Or spit on your grave.
Battle in my head.
Everyone deserves to die in peace.
With a piece of love.
With forgiveness.
With a prayer.
Where do you think you are going.
Its not about you.
Its never been.
I need peace.
Peace to go on.
I waited for this day.
Now it is almost here.
Are you deserving of your life?
Let me see your remorse.
Not what the ear hears, the lies.
Such fake tears.
Your trickery.
Such an evil task.
Your plan.
I do this for me, not for you.
The squeezing of my gut.
I want to release the pain.
Of so many years.
Feel the calm.
Lay here  flat with my arms outstretched.
Feel peace for myself.
A freedom.
From you.
Where do you think you are going.
Release me from your hell.
So I can finally have peace.

I would have told you if you asked
Yet you knew all along
My pain that never goes away.
You chose to ignore my pain
that hollowness
You could have filled that void
Yet you blame
I hold no grief.
I Need not explain

So many years were upon us.
childhood memories of laughter.
Sun on our face, leaving sunburned bodies.
White shirts showing our tans.
Whispering our dreams to each other,
Looking up in the sky,
Sharing the covers like noone else was on earth
Curly hair, sweet smile, feeding my ego
couldnt imagine my life without you.
So many years have passed.
We still whisper our dreams to each other.
Only now they are of regret.
Things we promised, yet still undone.
Time is running out.
Our lines on our face we cant hide now.
Age has taken over,
But has not robbed us of our friendship.
Couldnt have imagined my life without you.
Sweet friend of mine.

I am a work of art,
A colorful canvas now shaded gray,
I am suddenly clueless in my own dementia,
Wrinkled paper mache,
Stories to tell but long forgotten,
Faded memories make me smile,
My complex concentration so frustrating,
Everything should be a no brainer but it's not,
Peace of mind is a struggle inside my head,
My visual perception is altered and is watercolored and muted,
Youth was a blunder to me,
I have more wrinkles but fewer doubts,
My fear is my vanity,
Growing old is a privilege, denied by many.
Not I.  
I am a classic beauty.

Tears are remnants of our emotions.
Our tears are from our sadness or perhaps our gladness.
The bitter saltiness of our tears sting our face and remind us of our pain.
The pain is inflicted upon us by ourselves or by others.
Some leaves scars, some do not.
Some scars diminish, and some stay for eternity.
Our scars are our constant reminder of our suffering.
The pain in our heart is that which noone sees, but it nonetheless
leaves scar tissue.
Scar tissue builds up like brick and mortar, layers upon layers,
until we uncover the true meaning of our source of pain and suffering.
This leads to our true meaning of truth and our belief of why we are here.
Some never believe their purpose and their scars begin to show to the outside world.
They do not uncover their purpose, their hurt, their pain, their sorrow, their suffering, their grief.
Their true path to their happiness is just beyond the gate.
Yet it is clouded with obstacles.
They say they are happy, but they hide behind their false beliefs.
They fail to stop and and smell the roses and just love one another.