I have always wanted to
Tie a bow around the world
And present it to you as whole
But the hows and why's don't add up
Life is simultaneously illogical and cruel
And intricately absolute in its ways
Though it kills you as you live
With sprinkles of magic in the madness

I would love to give you everything
You've ever needed but didn't get
If only I knew how to retrieve time
If only it were my place to do so

Out of all the people
I could have met
Throughout my life
In space and time
I met you and felt
Something new
That no one could recreate
Not with time or practice
You can't learn passion
And in no particular fashion
You appeared just like magic
And made me remember
The way I felt before
Like I had never been gone
Like I had never had him
Like time had not passed
I didn't know it would last
But it has

It was the moment you sung along
Danced like you were alive
You were your true self
And I felt as if my heart were to burst
It felt so full
Just looking at you
Knowing that things work out for a reason
And being sure that I would
Go through all of this agony again
To experience how I felt tonight
Watching you and being by your side

What have you done to me
What type of spell have you cast
To make me feel profoundly
To make my love for you last

What do you like about me?
Other than the fact that I care
You could just like me
Because I care about you
And not because I would like to think
That I am funny
Are you ashamed to be around me still?
Am I still too much to handle
Maybe I'm just too much of a woman
To fit into your hands
I'm not going to diminish my shine
Just because you cannot handle the brightness

How do you know
That you could see yourself
Being my husband
Why do you see me
As someone you would want
To wake up to in the morning
Every one for the rest of your life?
Is it because I care about you
I don't mean to sound selfish
But why do you care about me?
What is it other than my love
For you that makes you want me?
Other than my body
Other than sexuality
What parts of my soul do you treasure
More than our history, more than just time
What makes you sit back in amazement
And think "I am in awe that she's mine"?

You confuse me
And I don't know
How I feel so flip flopped
So incomplete sometimes
When we talk
And at other times
My heart feels so full
I can hardly breathe
I don't know why
You do these things to me

Part of the time you are
Someone else, different
You're maturate and motivated
Driven and strong
A man and I love it
Funny and focused
Intelligent and responsible
Put you in a suit
And I would gladly
Remove all my clothes
Right there on the spot
I adore every part

However the other portion of the time
You're downright childish
And I don't know how to deal
You ask me questions
As if I never want to see you again
Even though we say openly
That we love each other
Do you really think
That if I said that I loved you
That I wouldn't want to see you
And it would be easier for me
To not see you for two years
Until I graduate and move
Do you really think
That I don't miss you at all
I don't miss this part
The insecure part
Hiding behind humor
You get lost in the joke
And forget that I can see
Right through your masquerade
Always have, always will
And I'm wondering
If you never got to be a kid
And this is you
Living in our memory
Of when we were younger
I just want to feel like you've matured
For the most part
We can still be silly
Whenever we want to
But not in the way you have been

Lately conversations seem forced
Not forced, but strained
Like I don't know what to say
We've only been together a week
It shouldn't be this way
Maybe it's just our history
Getting in the way