And no I'm not tired, I'm just sad
If you ask so, I don't need sleep
It's too convoluted to bring up
So I plunge it back to the deep

Whispers between telephone lines
Small talk about work and weather
The tone in my voice echoes empty
Tonight shows it to be no better

So why open my mouth brokenhearted
And empty my indecisiveness to you?
I had better just keep quiet for now
Until conclusions come out of the blue

So no, I am not tired, I'm just sad
Sad because we are broken in two
Like two heart halves aching to be fused
But I suppress it and say goodnight to you

Do I have the heart
To forgive yours
For hurting mine?

There have been millions of souls before our own
And millions will fall behind
I'm risking so much, of all I have shown
Even to the best of us, love is blind

We are like a misshapen door
Creaking and wobbling unsteady
We have one hinge hanging on and one on the floor
I know now that I'll never be ready

Sobbing and choking on words I have said
The shaking of heads and deeds that are done
Then comes the silence that I so awfully dread
I am unsure now if you are the one

You spit fire at me, melting all that I see
The lines of scrimmage are dimmed and blurred
Who is right, you or me? There is no in between
With my heart wounded, I am deterred

Then we sit in the quiet unsolved
I cry for a bit, I don't care how I look
It doesn't matter, our fighting never resolves
The way I am left hurt and shook

Is real love supposed to make you wonder?
To make you question everything you thought you knew?
Because I'm drowning in the rocking waves and thunder
Rather than frolicking in the flowers I thought love grew


****** if I do, ****** if I don't with you my dear
Because no matter what I choose, I am at fault
It's either only having you for the rest of my years
Or choosing them and in my wounds pouring salt

So I try to soak in all the words that you've shared
I realize I'm growing up more than I admit
And I know that you have always dutifully cared
Then I looked at you with more insight and wit

You've loved and supported me all this time
Even when I was in someone else's arms
Even when I still had my own mountains to climb
And in the most when you knew I could have been harmed

I don't want to know who is wrong
I don't want to know who is right
I can feel a sense of where I belong
I know where I want to spend the night

I see less and less of you each day
At least that's what you told me last time you weighed
I notice your scapula prickling through a shirt
I can't tell you otherwise even if it does hurt

Because telling you I'm suffering would make you feel less
I can't completely understand, it's only my guess
That your smile is a disguise, it's your precious defense
If I could only sneak into your mind and teach you some sense

But no word I could utter would be new or unique
All I can do is sit here and wipe tears from your cheek
Just hug you tight in our tilt-a-world ride
Because everyone needs a friend by their side

I'm scared you won't change, you can't bring yourself to
I can see the way it's ripped apart and mortified you
Your body is scarily shrinking, striking and dissipating
And all I can do to help change is sit here waiting

They say that life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death
But you seem to live it, grasp its size and its breadth
I wish you could see your worth in another's eyes
It's your humor, your vibrance, but never your size

For some reason the two of us were there
Facing bluntly, but I fondly focused
On your tapping fingers, your bouncing leg
And when my eyes came up to met your gaze
It felt like I was looking into my own stare
A part of myself I had condemned, tried hard to forget
But somehow, you were remembered
After time without thoughts or contact

You touched my hand and we overlapped fingers across the booth
And a familiarity spread that felt like it used to
You gave comfort that I was not alone in our memory
You talked of her and I of him, but it didn't damper
A morning of caffeine in my favorite study nook at school
Though I never recall your fondness for coffee
We drank and enjoyed each other if only for a little while
A pleasant visit with an old friend

It was a flash of smoke or prestidigiatation it seems
Because something felt whole when you were there
Like I was reunited with a lost friend
But I felt utterly wrong to be contemplating it simultaneously
Because of what you meant to me

Your sweet visit occurred when I was not able to stop it
Even if you do not often come to my woken head
Sometimes you sneak into my sleep

She seemed to have the ability to catch his eye
When he walked in to a room, he could feel her presence
She flourished like a daffodil in the spring and I wilted
I sank in to myself and was invisible

He would talk of her like I was not his entirely
Like he did not have my heart on marionette strings
And little by little, with every mention of her name,
He took rusty scissors and snipped at the fibers

He disregarded it all entirely, like I was delusional
Maybe he just wanted to protect me from what he knew I knew
What he tried to bury inside himself and hide behind his stoic mask
That old friend we both knew so well

I sat up and thought to myself countless doubtful days
"What does she posses that I do not? Is my love not enough?"
As much as I envied the way he loved her, there was never a second
That I felt enmity towards this woman that held my lover's attention

It was only a deep longing in my heart to make him feel
Even a modicum of the way she made his heart bloom
To have him run to me and want me in his life
Instead of coveting someone he only claimed to be his friend

In place of hating the other woman, I foolishly tried my hardest
To befriend her, to appreciate the same qualities in her that he did
She even invited me to something so I wouldn't hate him for going
I wish she had known me well enough to know I wanted to be friends

Over the years, I got stronger and wiser, but I still was his fool
The boy I loved so much could never reciprocate those feelings for me
He wandered and I let him go, to go chase what I knew he always wanted
But she did not desire him, and as mean as it sounds, it felt like justice

But time has gone far out in to space, I have lived since him
And she is now where I was, a life's love lost for another
In all of this, my only hope for her, is that she finds the strength
To not hate the other woman even though he loves her

It was not your fault he went away, he was never meant to stay
If it wasn't for you, I would have not known of his incomplete love
Thank you for saving me the agony of living my life with the wrong man
I pray you never give up hope in love and in life
Because someone better will come along exactly when you need them

There was fire in her eyes and then the floods rolled in
The way they did during Noah's time, uncontrollable and unceasable
Her throat swelled and eyes leaked, a reoccurring problem
Of tedious persistence, of insidious intent
He was convinced she talked just to fight
To impress upon one, the beliefs of another

But I don't wish for you to change yourself
I don't want to force you when you need to experience the joy that you feel
When you know that every single modicum of your life
Is extremely out of your control, but you know in the deepest pit
Of your soul that everything will be absolutely okay
Because He is the one driving force you can count on
A single consistency in a world of uncertainty

The peace and the mercy you feel when you know
That all of the bad things you have done, like forgetting to give back
That girl's pencil in fifth grade to unjustly breaking someone's heart
Or something so dark that its magnitude weighs you down,
Are all forgiven, and all you need to do is come and listen
Wonder and ask, seek and you will find, believe in something for a change
See the brightness in Him that you have only seen through me

I can imagine us growing old, having adventures, going places
But I also can see myself lying awake at night, and feeling a deep sense
Of loneliness because that is the one area of my life that I can't share with you
I crave spiritual growth, and when you're around, I don't
I am lost between this world and another
Trying my best to straddle a fence between two lives I can't
I fear soon I may fall